03/09/2026
The truth is....
THE TRUTH IS……..
The truth is our parents did the best they could. They did not intend to hurt us. They had injuries from their past that kept them from being able to be there emotionally for us, to parent us, physically, emotionally or spiritually, in the way a little child needs.
Parents (or major care givers) who are hurting, hide their hurt feelings from themselves as well as us. As a result, they are not real and present to themselves, so they can't be present, available and attentive to their children. Often they use some addictive behaviour to cover their pain. This causes them to abuse, neglect or abandon us in a thousand different ways.
We, as little ones, could not see our parents (our Gods) as bad therefore, we decided we were bad. This created an internal core of shame --- a deep, false belief system that says something, such as, I'm bad, no good, not enough, wrong, inadequate and unlovable. We made them wonderful and created a fantasy bond that said that they were really there for us (that's why we choose people who really aren't there either). Believing we are bad drives us to look for validation, okayness, security, value and love outside of ourselves in someone else. We carefully hide our "real" self from others with an act because they wouldn't be there for us if they knew us.
It never works because the little child part of us chooses (over and over) someone just like mamma or daddy who won't or can't give either, who will abuse, abandon or neglect us. So here we are stuck in repetitive compulsive relationships that never work (co-dependence).
Healing comes from seeing the truth, telling the truth and coming to believe the truth. It is not about blaming our parents. That would keep us a victim, caught still wanting them to change so that they would be okay. It is about having the truth set us free. When we face the truth, we are free, free to forgive ourselves and see that we are valuable, wonderful and lovable --- even though we make mistakes and learn from those mistakes --- free to forgive our parents --- they did the best they could --- free to find new relationships. New relationships build on the truth that we are God's precious children and deserve love and build on the present, not a re-enactment of the past.
One caution: Don't jump to forgiveness before you take the time to see the truth about what happened to you and feel the feelings, feel the pain of the childhood abuse, abandonment or neglect, feel the grief about the loss of what you needed and did not receive. These are the "healing feelings". The hiding of these feelings causes our addictions and our continued co-dependence. Tell the truth, feel the feelings and forgiveness will be the result.
This is freedom.
Joanne T.
