08/26/2025
Ever heard of the 5:1 magic ratio?
Dr. John Gottman studied relationships and found some key factors in what he determined “made love last”. One of the research findings focused on the imbalance of negative to positive interactions. The research proposes a magic ratio of 5 positive interactions to every 1 negative interaction to be what makes love last.
Conflict in a relationship is inevitable. Negative interactions will happen! The power is in recognizing this and moving towards repair, engaging in ways that promote connection, closeness, positivity and enhances the relationship…or as Gottman also puts it- building the emotional bank account. Intentional and focused positive interactions are like making deposits into the bank account, helping to keep you and the relationship in the “green”. Positive interactions are not just the big things, like planning a date night, but more of the everyday moments like, acknowledging your partner’s perspective, appreciating their effort, sharing gratitude, validating their experience. Think about it this way, purposeful and intentional ways to highlight the good, and building the reserves that help you both/all feel seen, heard, and connected, even in challenging times.
Does 5 positive interactions sound like a lot? Let’s break it down:
• Parting for the day: an intentionally slower hug or kiss, a little note or sharing an encouraging thought or message.
• Recognizing a small action of the other where you felt loved, appreciated, connected.
• During the day: a check in possibly during a break and then again before coming home.
• Reuniting: another point of connection!
• Sharing a laugh or being playful.
***Spoiler alert, the magic ratio is important for our relationship with our children, colleagues, and well..any interpersonal relationship.***
References:
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC1828692/
