01/28/2021
Very true. Everyone wants to feel safe, emotionally, physically, spiritually. Having even the false sense of control over the external world allows us to feel less vulnerable but it’s only an illusion. As with the post before - focus on being the person who you are looking for and less on trying to orchestrate people and events to reinforce your illusion.
How do you know someone feels unsafe in their body (+ therefore the world?)
They’re controlling.
Controlling behavior looks different for everyone.
It can look like an obsessive focus on someone + creating meaning from all of their behavior.
It can look like people pleasing (attempting to control a persons view of you)
It can look like chronically ‘helping’ someone to do something the ‘right’ way (their way)
It can look like snooping, prying, or pressuring.
It can look like snide, or cutting comments to keep someone feeling small (keep them close)
When we don’t feel safe, we can’t trust ourselves. We don’t believe in our core knowing that we will be ‘ok’— so we fall into the illusion that we can control others.
If we can control others, we won’t get hurt. Ironically at the same time, we push away authentic connection. To ourselves, + to others.
Looking at your controlling behaviors with loving awareness can be helpful. When I fall into patterns of control I remind my inner child— it’s ok. I know how lonely + scary it was. I can be the loving adult who realizes we do not control what happens to us.
What we can do is consciously choose the meaning we assign to it.
What we can consciously do is make + keep promises to ourselves.
What we can consciously do is create loving discipline— new habits + behaviors that are in alignment with our highest (authentic) self
