LightHouse End Of Life Doula Services

01/27/2025

Both science and spirit have wisdom to offer, especially at life's thresholds. One teaches us about the intricate dance of cells and systems, the other about the subtle realms of healing that can't be measured but are no less real.

This isn't about choosing sides—it's about embracing the fullness of what helps us meet mortality with grace.

08/29/2024

I was supporting a hospice patient and her family. She was beginning to transition, so I was seeing the patient and family frequently.

The patient had become a grandma at a very early age. She helped raise her grandson, as he lived with her for most of his early years.

As the grandson discussed his grandma’s impending death and need to be off work to be present for her, the response from most people was something along the lines of, “you’re just so lucky to have a grandparent alive this long!”

He acknowledged that he understood this sentiment. He was indeed lucky to have as much time with his grandma as he did. But, his grandma was one of his closest relationships, and someone that still counseled him and gave him great advice.

He shared with me that he’s angry about the responses of his friends and co-workers. “I’m getting ready to lose this person who was like a second mom to me, and all anyone can say is how lucky I am!”

We never know the relationship a person has with someone, nor should we compare grief, or place a hierarchy on which loss is more deserving of compassion and support.

Losing someone you love is hard. Let’s not bring out a scale to weigh the pain. Let’s just accept that it’s heavy.

08/14/2024

Grief can be a long process. We move through it slowly, but it's not just time that heals. If we just wait, we can actually stay in the same place. We need action, too.

It's very slow at the beginning, when the grief is so terrible, when we're physically debilitated, and overwhelmed. But bit by bit, we can move it, and there are different practices that support that.

The first is community; we can connect with friends and family, with support groups, and with skilled practitioners who can help us grieve if we haven't been taught how to do it. Grief is easier to hold when we hold it together.

Beauty helps us grieve: making or experiencing art of any sort. We can connect with music, poetry, journaling, or with anything that helps us process and move the grief through us. Grief is a soul injury, and beauty and image are the healing language of the soul.

Moving and caring for our bodies helps us grieve: eating well, exercising, yoga, swimming, massage, and body work, all gently help us through the process.

Our soul loves being in nature, and wild and green places are balm for a griever. So is being with animals, our pets calm and ground us.

07/08/2024

Today’s question comes from our E•O•L Deck and asks how you might communicate with others after your death.

Have you thought of this before? Have you ever had someone tell you before they died that they were going to show themselves to you in a particular way after death and then they did?

Tell us your stories. 🦋🌈🎼💡

05/02/2024

I have worked with many people experiencing these same feelings💛

“I feel a little guilty saying this, but I think I’m going to be relieved when my mom dies.”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this sentence.

Caregiving is incredibly hard. Watching someone decline in front of you…often for years and years..can be exhausting and devastating.

I was talking to the daughter of a hospice patient who is living with advanced dementia. She shared, “This isn’t my mom. My mom was gone long ago.” She shared how hard it is to provide loving care to someone that behaves and even looks so different than the mom that she has always known and loved.

My paternal grandma lived with dementia for nine years. We watched her shrink over time and become incredibly withdrawn. The chatty, energetic grandma became unable to communicate. It was incredibly sad to witness this farm woman become so small and vulnerable.

It is common to expect to feel some relief when your family member dies. And, it’s common for people to actually feel some relief at that time.

It’s also very common to feel guilty about it all.

Talking through these feelings, saying them out loud to someone who can hold space and allow you to process these feelings can help.

Social workers, chaplains, death doulas and hospice volunteers can provide you with an opportunity to share your feelings. Most people report feeling better after sharing these difficult-to-talk- about feelings. 💕

04/28/2024

04/07/2024

"I sit with my grief. I mother it. I hold its small, hot hand. I don’t say, shhh. I don’t say, it is okay. I wait until it is done having feelings. Then we stand and we go wash the dishes."
~Callista Buchen

Art | by Pride Nyasha

03/14/2024

Take them with you, from my grief collection ‘loss’. I just feel someone needs it right now ♥️♥️

From ‘loss’
https://amzn.eu/d/fwIp4VX