05/31/2024
I understand why we as a society have a difficult time with grief.
Grief is the most incredible emotional pain to experience. It is too relatable, it is too close to our worst fears.
There is no solving, no solutions, we cannot fix it.
There are many people grieving in a multitude of ways:
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The person you loved so dearly has died, that past situation cannot be changed, the childhood you needed/deserved didn’t happen, the relationship is broken, the pregnancy was lost, the diagnosis came too late, the life you envisioned is different, you were misunderstood for so long.
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If you speak to anyone experiencing grief they don’t want or need you to fix it for them...
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They need you to not look away.
They need you to bear witness to their pain, meaning: “I will not look away, I will feel this with you”.
Grief feels like you can’t breathe. Grief feels lonely, grief feels like you are walking through water. Grief feels endless. Grief feels misunderstood. Grief feels discounted and pushed aside. Grief hits you like a tidal wave. Grief changes you forever.
And using the words of Kate Bowler , grief makes you feel like “the bad thing”. The one who is always sad in the midst of joy. The one who carries immense pain when everyone wants you to just smile. You feel like maybe you need to hide your pain because it feels too much.
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To those grieving, please know you do not need to hide your pain.
Your therapist won’t look away from your pain. We hate this pain for you. We see you. We wish it didn’t happen. We wish life was different and better for you. We want to hear your story.
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Please tell us again why this loss hurts.
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Please keep telling us about what has happened to you.
We are listening