10/15/2024
Please read this 🙏
Your window of tolerance = the range at which you can maintain your Equanimity*.
*Equanimity = your new fave word which means calmness, evenness of temper. Isn’t it like the best word ever?
During stressful times, it is normal to have a smaller window of tolerance. We are more prone to exiting the realm of equanimity, the realm of listening and learning, and we are more likely to end up in one of those two rain clouds:
* Shutting down— numbing out, feeling depressed, experiencing anhedonia (loss of pleasure in things we once loved... I’m giving you all the juicy words in this post!).
* Blowing up— feeling short-tempered, cynical, angry, impatient, self-destructive.
What’s tricky is we need to BOTH accept that we aren’t gonna being our “a-game” to our life right now AND step up our self-care game so that we maximize our time within the window of tolerance. And the former supports the latter. The more we can meet our pain with compassion, the more we can find our way back to equanimity.
A Relational Self-Awareness expanding exercise is to make a list with two columns: one column is the things that narrow your window of tolerance (not getting enough sleep, alcohol, loneliness, self-criticism, etc) and the other column is the things that expand your window of tolerance (meditation, exercise, fresh air, support, happy s*x, etc).
I encourage you to have the people living in your house make their lists as well. Use your lists as a conversation starter. These lists gift you access into each other’s worlds, deepening understanding and compassion.
Y’all, this is hard. We’re visiting all kinds of challenging emotional spaces, aren’t we?! The best we can do is ride not resist the waves of emotions and pray that our pain forges more space inside us... for love, kindness, and wisdom. Sending each of you big big love.
Amazing art by
