Irina Tarasenco

05/31/2024

Hello beautiful people! I'm coming back into the serving and empowering women space :) after dealing with and recovering from Lyme disease for the last 4 years.

I've got something for those of you looking to grow more confident and empowered in everything you do.

I started this awesome group at skool. A platform that encourages learning, growing, engaging and supporting each other without external distraction. I'm inviting the first few members in free for life as "founding members". If you want in, join here:

I help female entrepreneurs/professionals boost their confidence and eliminate stress and overwhelm.

10/13/2022

I Want Others to Like Me... Do You?

Let’s talk about other people’s opinions about us.

For some of us, just thinking about that causes anxiety. I have to admit, I was one of those people to worry about how others perceived and thought about me. Many of you can relate I'm sure.

Because it was so important to make sure others think well of me, I always had the highest demands of myself. Everything needed to be perfect: my house sparkling clean, my children always looking perfect and fed the best food cooked by me, my work perfectly done, etc.

The fear of what others will think or say about me, made me put everybody and everything else before myself. It didn’t feel right inside, but on the outside - this was exactly what I tried to control all the time - other people’s opinions about me.

This pattern started changing as I was developing more self-awareness. Often, what I was most afraid of was not happening and the results were actually the opposite of what I expected.

People in my environment, never said I was not good enough, I wasn’t prepared or professional, that I didn’t do a good job and that they didn’t like me. Isn’t this what we’re afraid of hearing about us?

This is a fascinating mental game and I would like you to understand it. As you’re more aware of what’s underneath your actions, you can disrupt these old unhealthy patterns and unlearn them. Here are a few points that might help you have some insights:

- Being disliked, disapproved or rejected by others, what I thought was the worst thing to happen to me, rarely does in fact happen! If I don’t really get that negative feedback from people, it means it’s not them, they don’t have a problem with me, I have a problem with myself.

- My worst enemy is not people’s opinion about me, it’s my self-judgement. In trying to control what others think of me, how about controlling what I think of myself instead?

- If I’m constantly judging myself, I must not like/love myself. Ok... I don’t like/love myself, and I expect others to like/love me, how does that work?

- Constantly trying to look perfect in all aspects of my life, keeping myself busy all the time... am I distracting myself from what’s truly important to me: my authentic self, my goals, my self-expression and self-growth?

- Why would my authentic self, my goals, my self-expression or self-growth be important if I don’t like/love myself? Of course, it makes sense to put everybody and everything else before me, because “I am not important”.

- This is a painful vicious cycle of trying to make a great impression on others as a result of a fundamental problem with self-worth and it may sound like this: "When others like me, I feel better because otherwise, I don't know how to like myself".

The message to all of you that worry about what others think is to start filling your cup from within and here is where I would suggest you start:

Every time you worry about making a good impression or being liked - like yourself first! Make a point of knowing and acknowledging your achievements, skills, actions and intentions because that is your evidence when it comes to worthiness.

When you’re obsessed with someone’s opinion about you, ask yourself the question: “Do I like myself at this moment?”

If your answer is “No”, you have a problem with yourself and only you can solve it.

This is not an easy problem to solve and you might need support in that because of how well-established these negative patterns can be, however, I am 100% convinced it is solvable and I invite you to find the solutions.

10/13/2022

10/13/2022

How I Used Mental Conditioning to Stay Hopeful When My Daughter Broke Her Arm at the Beginning of Pandemic.

I would like to share with you a tool that is using mental conditioning to create a state of hope and acceptance during intense experience of stress and adversity.

Before I explain more about the tool, I'd like to share from my personal experience to help you relate better.

This was the second week of March, 2020, right after I spent an entire weekend setting up my 7 and 10 year old daughters' work space to get ready for "homeschooling". I created a nice home schedule for my children, I thought I was entering a nice week with some structure at home since the beginning of lockdowns (the beginning of chaos really).

I was content about how things were going on Monday, the girls were eager to follow the schedule and at their first "recess"... my 7 year old broke her right arm jumping on the trampoline with my teenage son and her sister. The worse thing to happen when you're not allowed to go anywhere, right?

I was working from my improvised bedroom office at the time, with a window overlooking our backyard and although I didn't see what happened, I immediately knew it was bad by the look on my son's face, his agitation and my daughter's screaming.

My entire week with everything I planned to do went out that window.

The poor girl required surgery the next day and she only wanted her "mommy" for the rest of the week. She was fine throughout the entire journey of going to hospital, having a surgery, recovering and another mini-surgery to take the metal rod out 6 months later. We were grateful for the doctors, nurses and staff at the hospital that continue to do a great job assisting patients in the middle of the chaos coronavirus created.

You see, there is always a lesson in every unfortunate and painful situation we experience. My lesson as a mother was that all three of my children were not allowed on the trampoline at the same time. The easy lesson I learned. The hard one, the one we all resist so much as humans is that painful and undesirable events are part of life just like the pleasant ones are and we need to accept them.

Did I think my daughter's injury was part of my life in that moment? Of course I didn't. I didn't want to accept that and here is what my thinking process was at first:

I thought to myself... "No, it's already stressful to deal with the lockdown, learn to homeschool my elementary, middle and high schoolers and work from home with a full house, how can I add more stress to my life?" I was very disappointed with my children and very stressed that Monday. Too many "new" things at once - system overload.

We were already going through major life transition called COVID-19, all of us, not just me. We were trying to hang on to things we knew before Covid and we were trying to learn new ways of living with Covid all at the same time. This was very stressful, especially for families with children and/or elderly people in the house.

But even in the middle of a huge transition, other more critical things can happen, like a broken bone, a car accident or other type of trauma that can push us to the ground and take away the very last bit of stability we are trying to preserve.

However, when we're forced to attend to a critical and stressful episode in our life and forget about other things, other people, even ourselves...

Please remember...

EVERYTHING IS TEMPORARY on earth - the key mental shift that helped me become more hopeful and positive while taking care of my daughter's injury that Monday. I just needed to remind myself of that truth and do my best to stay present.

Even the worse and most tragic experience will pass. It will end, we know it. We certainly don't feel like that going through it, but our good friend "time" always proves it. My daughter's pain and discomfort, my pain, her surgery and recovery, everything ended.

You're probably wondering about the tool I used involving mental conditioning by now. In simple words, when our mind is flooded by emotions, sometimes intense ones, we need to remember to stick to the facts. Reminding myself that everything was temporary when I thought I couldn't handle more stress in my life, helped me remember that my pain had an expiry date.

Another thing I had to do when my mind was focused on the accident was to remind myself that my life was not only the bad accident just happened. I had to stay present to the fact that there were a lot of great things that supported me at the same time. This shift in perspective helped me be more reasonable, present and stay connected instead of fearful, devastated and disconnected

Instead of thinking how bad my situation was and all the possible negative outcomes, I was present to the fact that I was alive, I had my body and my mind supporting me in dealing with my daughter's situation. My husband was there to help me, I had a car to drive to the hospital, I had money in my purse and what to eat, the hospital was still there welcoming us and everything else was good. That is what we lose often when we experience a crisis, we lose the contact with facts, with our reality, our present.

Remind yourself to stay present, even if everything around you is changing. Stay present using everything you've got today. If you're not sure how to do that, ask, reach out and start practicing it. It is a critical skill to have when dealing with stress and anxiety.

Staying focused on the present and some basic facts like the ones I mentioned above, will help you decrease your anxiety and avoid the overthinking.

Just stay present.

10/13/2022

What you need to "practice" to be happy?🤩

Everybody has different views about happiness. Our own views can also change over time depending on the events and lessons we experience in life.

What I learned about happiness is that nobody can make you happy, it's an ability, a skill to have and cultivate.

This is not how we look at it usually. Often, we need our partner to say or do something to make us happy. We need that promotion, vacation, purse or phone call to experience joy and excitement. Often, it is a problem that needs to get solved and we feel happy.

We always need something from the outside... And this is what makes experiencing happiness and joy so dependable and doubtful. This is what makes it short lived, superficial and conditional. When your state of joy depends on external factors, you have no control over it.

Of course we're happy when we get a bonus at work or our partner takes us out for an adventure to enjoy. There is nothing wrong with that, it's natural and obvious.

However, if this is the only time we feel that way, then we will constantly need something... and our happiness is conditional. It looks like that:

If [blank] happens, then I'm happy.

There is another way of looking at it.

Develop an inner gratitude for everything you experience, do and have, and learn to shift your mental focus to what you're grateful for.

These are not just words.. and you may say it's easier said than done...

However, being aware that it's a skill to develop. Like any other skill you have developed in your life, like riding a bike, reading, writing, driving and so many others - you only get better when you practice it :)

The key here is PRACTICE - which is totally your choice!

Not feeling like this is working for you just means, not enough practice or lack of commitment.

It is so empowering to know that you're able to feel happy any time you choose to.

Just shift your mental focus to something you're grateful for, something you know you didn't do anything to have. Something that is bigger than your situation. Something that is working for you regardless of what you've done... like your breath for example, your heart, your fingers and other parts of your body that you could only tell the difference if something happened to them.

The big idea here is that you can be happy if you choose by practicing gratitude and awareness.

The awareness of how many things have been gifted to you and the various ways you can value and appreciate that. Think about the people in your life, your children, your home, your family, work, doctor, car, street you live on, colleagues, your clothes and shoes, food, etc. It is an endless list, do you agree?

The potential of joy and happiness in our life is abundant and truly endless - the practice of gratitude and awareness is the limiting factor. I hope you get it.

Now, go and don't ever stop practicing!

With much love,
Irina

06/09/2020

Have you doubt your abilities, felt discouraged and hopeless, when going through difficult times?
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Let me tell you that what you are feeling is normal. This is how human functions in tough situations.
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But I would like to encourage you to embrace this difficulty. To use it as your motivation and inspiration to do greater things in your life.
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If you often find yourself in this situation and you'd like to know more techniques on how to deal with it, I can help. Send me a message and let's start a conversation.

06/08/2020

Who we are today were likely shaped by the past experiences we had.
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These events may have affected our lives either positively or negatively ~ but there was always a lesson left with us.
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Learnings that have helped us with how we make our decisions and who we are as a person today.
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