03/07/2022
There is a common misconception out there that spiritual people, or practitioners, etc. have it together and they've figured out the hacks to life so they are always happy and everything is perfect. For some, I suppose that may be the case but I very much doubt it.
We are people, too. He have bodies, minds and spirits just like you. The difference may only be that those open to spirit can listen a little better to the signs communicated to them from spirit.
Perhaps they may be a little better prepared for life to take a turn so rapidly, like I was. But it doesnt sting any less. Bad things happen. It's how you respond that changes everything.
Just recently, I became a single parent and not by concious choice. I suppose I could have ignored the signs and would still be married, and my daughter would still have a person posing as her father. But we would be worse off because of it. I know this.
There was something festering, and I could feel it. Spirit was letting me know through my body, and my thoughts of needing to leave him though I never knew why. I ignored these signs for a long time until they got loud enough I just had to listen. They woke me from my sleep and pulled me exactly in the direction I needed to go. I saw some ugly things. I stared at the infection and watched how it festered before my eyes and I couldnt look away. I literally felt my body go into shock as I witnessed a nightmare in front me, and realizing that I was awake and living in this nightmare. It turned surreal so quickly.
My spiritual support stepped in and I saw only one path in front of me due to their guidance. I only knew this one path. It wasnt until after the whole ordeal where other paths could have been made, but at the time I didnt see them.
When going through something so absurd, there are thoughts like "how did this happen?" Or "How did I get here?" And then my mind would quiet. There was a force preventing me from thinking and creating mind spirals. I was calm, I could recollect fine details, and I knew what needed to be done. But I knew I was still in shock. My body, despite my best efforts, refused nourishment and I felt exhausted and run down. My cold, that I had just gotten over, came back in full force. If only spirit could have made my physical body stronger to endure this all. But I could see how much they were helping, and for that I am so grateful.
I am nowhere near the end of this new story. It has just begun, and I must admit that it is incredibly uncomfortable. And the moment I feel an inkling of regret, I remember that my spiritual supports have had my back from the beginning of this, and there is no way I am letting them take a back seat. There can be no regret.
My daughter and I became a victim of crime. The word victim was triggering for me, among other things. I couldnt see myself as the victim. I stared an evil in the face and shined a light as bright as I could on it. I am a warrior. But also, I started to feel sorry for the man I once knew. I started making excuses for his behavior. And then I had to think of myself as a victim because he left me in an impossible situation, and he knew he was chipping away at our family's foundation. He just didnt know that I would notice it crumbling.
The shock has settled and the emotions are coming up to the surface now as I've had to stuff them down out of survival. It's a necessary pain to go through though. I refuse to let something fester again. I would rather rip it open and let it be raw as it heals than bandage it up untreated.
So I am raw, and frustrated, and angry, and impatient, and upset that my life took a turn this way.
But I can see the positive shifts taking place, little by little, in the absence of the disease. It just may take me a while to fully appreciate the beauty amidst the turmoil that I am in right now.
One step at a time.
If I may share one thing from this experience... Trust your own intuition. Trust your gut. If something feels off, no matter how hard you try to dismiss it, then it probably is. Look for the source. Get curious, ask for help, and listen to the signs. Trust that no matter the outcome, your own spiritual supports have your back.
With love & light,
Cathy.
P.s. If you or someone you know are in a similar situation, please call 911 or visit your local police authority. There are also local crisis help lines available in your area. Seek help immediately if you feel unsafe.