08/12/2020
I wake up and I feel haunted. I see the face of a woman who verbally assaulted me yesterday at my local grocery store. Even as I write this I can feel my body contracting. What is wrong with people that they have to be blatantly rude. I wasn’t out of line in any way, shape, or form. Minding my own business, enveloped in a display of food choices, when I hear words cut me like a sword. My immediate reaction was shock, a split second of confusion, then wham, a fight or flight response. I am an innate fighter for the under-dog but I felt like the under-dog in that exchange. Who’s going to protect me?
My life as the mother bear under-dog protector started was when I was five or six. One of the neighbourhood boys “Wally” was the block bully, and was taunting my friends, and some of them were older than I. So I, the short, tousled-haired, tomboy marched up the steps, knocked on his front door, and told him off, with a childlike phrase I don’t remember. It must have been an important act because I was drilled in, “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”. But whatever I said was effective, because I don’t remember any more bullying on W 13th, just off Cambie. Very cool, one-block street, just around the corner of Vanc. General Hospital (for those of you who know Vancouver). I actually drove back there a few years ago to see if the three-story apartment building that my parents owned was still there (mum inherited money after her dad died when she was 24). And, it was. Sitting alone, suffocated by high-rises.
My nervous system is calmed for a moment with childhood memories, but I am saddened that the covid virus has put us in many fight or flight responses. I think of myself as a good, kind and compassionate person, who has learned to overcome life lessons through a spiritual existence. Yesterday’s grocery store experience pushed me, as others have pushed me to the extreme, over the last couple of months, - ‘the heat of the summer when tempers flare’ - and I am emotionally sick and physically tired of it all. I want to wave a truce flag. I don’t want some road rage driver to fly by me at ridiculous speeds, or some random shopper to tear me apart with blatant rudeness. There is no lesson here for me anymore. It is plain and simple bad behaviour. We say to our children, “your behaviour is inappropriate”, when they misbehave. But what do we say to adults?
Yesterday I responded with the fight part of “fight or flight”, and said “you are so rude, get away from me!”. I walked away shocked and shaking internally and externally. I was like a milkshake, all shook up with bits and pieces floating inside. Now, after a good sleep, I can send the Purple Heart light chords of love, light, and healing. In my mind she is the fall-out of the collective mind. Which tells me there is an enormous amount of healing to do.
Let us not separate or segregate. Let us not isolate and live in fear, but join together in every and all ways that give comfort. We don’t live in a war torn country. Most of us have jobs and food and shelter, and for those who don’t, we do try to help them. Life is a two-sided coin right now, or that proverbial teeter-totter. Find the balance. Find the center-point. Find the truth. Find wisdom. Be the love for the world right now. There is too much pain and suffering. Not from the corona virus, which is an evolutionary virus, like other historical viruses, but from the pain and suffering coming from separation. The life of a human is to gather, and cluster, and flock, together like nature. Are we being “natur-al” now? No we are not. Is this political economy part of our natural growth process? It feels man made, not au-natural. The question is not longer, “can we?”, but, “will we?”, make it a better world for the new rainbow children? Why should they have to clean up our mess? Why should they have to carry the burden of today’s mistakes?
September 2020 is the end and the beginning. The time for sitting is over and the time for doing is about to begin. What is your beginning? How can you help this world transition from old pain and suffering to new world peace and harmony? Each and every person has free will to make a choice. Let’s choose consciously and with heart. Our Soul will always guide us. Just open your heart, and there lays your Soul, nesting in the palms of the heart.
Namaste with blessings of love, light and healing Aj