08/08/2023
It seems that everything that could possibly be said about the Barbie movie has been said. I recently saw it and decided to share five things I learned from it.
1. It's not all about me
There were some men who were not happy because they felt that the Barbie movie cast a bad light upon them. I personally did not feel this way, but everyone has a right to feel what they feel. But here's the thing, in my view, the movie was about Barbie and by extension, the struggles and hardships around what it really means to be a woman outside the confusing, contradictory and unrealistic expectations of society, particularly male culture. To investigate this idea further one could read, The Second S*x by Simone de Beauvoir. But I learned it's not all about me... as a man. It's okay for there to be a Barbie movie, it's okay for women to give voice to their journey and struggle to fully be themselves. Though I didn't feel the film was man-hating, it's wasn't the job of the Barbie movie to coddle men and not offend them. If men are this upset by it, go make a Ken movie to tell the story of the difficulties of being a man.
2. It's all about me
I couldn't watch the Barbie movie as a casual observer. It forced me to own the ways I have been complicit in perpetuating harmful patriarchy. Doing so consciously or unconsciously, the harmful consequences are the same. My religious conditioning programmed me with an untrue, flawed, inadequate, and harmful view of women. I have documented this before. For example, here are at least several ways religion that corrupted my view of women:
Women brought sin and death into the world
Women are to blame for the fall of the human race
Women are inferior to men physically, mentally and spiritually
Women were intended to be subservient to men
Women are not capable of exercising authority and leadership
A godly woman is a silent, submissive, and domestic woman
Women are responsible for the s*xual temptations and transgressions of men
Women are weak, emotional, and irrational
Women are expected by God to stay in demeaning, damaging,
destructive, or abusive relationships
Women should deny and repress themselves in order to serve and satisfy others
Women who act assertively and defiantly, enforce personal boundaries, or express anger are ungodly
The Barbie movie pressed upon my heart a deep sorrow for any belief, mindset, attitude or action that perpetuated a damaging view of women, or placed unfair limitations and expectations about them. The world (men and women) have suffered greatly as a result of preventing women from actualizing their fullest potentialities and possibilities.
I discovered in the movie that I was completely ignorant about Barbie the doll. The Barbie doll represented all the possibilities of what it could mean to be a woman. As early as 1965 there was an astronaut and space scientist Barbie. Barbie has been a teacher, veterinarian, member of the armed forces, business executive, doctor, police officer, computer engineer, architect, paleontologist, judge, etc. The Barbie doll line has evolved over the years to be culturally diverse, body image diverse, has included women with disabilities, and been inclusive all around.
It was men who s*xualized and objectified Barbie. Yes, the original Barbie was petite, shapely, and had long legs. This was partly so the doll could be played with easily - for example, the long legs so that Barbie could be walked around in play. The Barbie creator (Ruth Handler) was not intending for Barbie to be s*xualized. Look people (men) Barbie was a fickin doll. Women have breasts and may be shapely in other ways. So. Get over it. There's nothing wrong with that. That doesn't mean a shapely woman (or doll) was created to be a s*x object. Religion has historically required women to cover up their body up so as not to tempt mean. Maybe men instead should address the root issues that cause them to objectify women.
3. And then there was Allan
There has been a lot of discussion about who Allan was meant to represent in the Barbie movie. The Allan doll was named after the son-in-law of Mattel co-founder Ruth Handler. The first Allan doll was released in 1964. He was marketed as Ken's friend. In the Barbie movie, who Allan represented to me is someone who doesn't fit in... someone who is always on the outside looking in, someone who no one takes the time to really get to know, someone who doesn't feel they belong, someone for whom the labels and categories don't make sense, someone who is hardly noticed, someone who wants to be accepted, celebrated, desired and loved for who they are, someone who is likely to befriend the marginalized, victimized and oppressed because they can relate. The Allan character in the Barbie movie deeply touched my heart, and I could relate to this character in many ways. It's that feeling that you weren't really made for this world and there is no place where you truly seem to fit. I always have my radar up for Allans. I consider it to be one of the greatest gifts in life to express to a Allan how special, worthy, and loved they are.
4. It's not easy being Ken
In my view, the Barbie film also depicted how difficult it is to be a Ken. Some of the key questions for men I got from the movie are:
What does being a man mean, once the traditional patriarchal scripts are torn apart?
What would it mean as men to heal our broken mindsets, attitudes, beliefs and relationship with women?
What would it mean to not be threatened by women or competing against women, but to see women as our allies and cultivate mutually empowering relationships?
Where or what is my true source of our worth and identity as men?
What would it mean to grieve and heal from the confusion, hurt, dysfunction and loss of how we as men once did manhood and masculinity.
5. Take my hands. Close your eyes. Now feel.
I don't think I can ever forget the ending of the Barbie movie. There Barbie was, wanting to give up all the scripts, and the pressures to be perfect, all the denials, pretense, inauthenticities, filters, and fake smiles of her made-up Barbie world. She asked Ruth what she needed to do to say goodbye to Barbie world and be human in the real world. She was told to close her eyes and feel... to feel it all... to feel what it really meant to be human.
The deal with being human is that there is 10,000 joys and 10,000 sorrows. You don't know what will kill you first, the beauty of the world or the sorrow of it. The sorrows don't prevent the joys, and the joys don't spare you of the sorrows. Look, it's not easy for anyone to leave Barbie world and be real. But after seeing and feeling all of it, Barbie said, "Yes." What is that "yes"? It's the "yes" of truly being present for it all. Being all there.
Maybe what I learned most from the Barbie movie is the need to say "yes" to being human and lived human experience... all of it. Maybe that means learning how to say "yes" to the joys and sorrows of your own life, and saying "yes" to the process of healing and becoming more whole inside. Maybe it's also men and women saying "yes" to each other - "yes" I am sorry if I hurt you, "yes" I want to start over and learn what it means to truly accept, love and be there for each other.
I love my daughter more than anything else in this world. I am so proud of the woman she has become and is becoming each day. There are so many good, beautiful, extraordinary and brilliant parts of her. The deepest wish in my heart is for her genuine happiness. The Barbie movie invited me to carry that wish in my heart for every woman.
"Yes."
Jim Palmer
