Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

11/08/2025

Some conflicting arguments are not equivalent or inconsequential.

We can argue as to a preference over tea versus coffee.

However, to argue over who gets to eat, or who gets healthcare, or who gets to marry, or who determine one's gender are not arguments of equal weight or merit.

Those are arguments of life and death, of morality of values.

They are inarguable unless your are cold-hearted, without compassion, without feelings for others, without empathy.

I do not argue with folks espousing such opinions.

I learn who they are and what they represent by virtue of what they seek. I learn who to best avoid.

My hope is to marginalize them, to shrink their world, to minimize their voice and influence.

This is not to say withhold from them food or healthcare or whatever the need for their survival, as this is not about turning the tables or vengeance, as with that I become them.

This is about countering the poison of their perspectives and influence by limiting platforms for their voices.

If indeed such persons come to recognize the inhumanity of their views, then we may chat.

Some views are like cancer.

Contain the spread.

11/08/2025

When you post of a miserable mood or experience, you perpetuate those bad feelings for yourself.

11/08/2025

He said he was hungry. I said I would eat a sandwich for him.

He said that wouldn't satisfy his hunger.

So too with learning. When we take over or lighten the experience, then the other has less learning.

We cannot eat the food of another and expect them to be satisfied.

We cannot spare the other the consequence of their behavior and expect them to learn.

11/07/2025

If you get a friend request from me, it's a fake. Please report it to Facebook.

11/07/2025

If you really don't know the answer to something, some issue, say so.

The key is to then seek the input of others who may bring some fresh thinking to the situation.

That is a key to good leadership.

In social work jargon, it is referred to as expanding the system.

11/07/2025

I watched some of the presentations and discussions between the lawyers and the US Supreme Court the other day.

Interestingly the far right conservative judges appointed by Trump were asking questions that were suggestive of them ruling against Trump.

It doesn't escape me that this hearing took place the day after the landslide victories by Democrats in the several state elections across the US.

Judges are human.

My theory is that these judges, seeing the writing on the wall that politics are shifting left, may only want to save they own skin.

I have to wonder if they are concerned that a democratic sweep might usher in term limits or growing the court with democratic leaning judges to weaken their influence.

We already know these republican appointed judges aren't above pandering to the political whims of Trump. They may now be worried for themselves.

It certainly will be interesting to see how this goes when up until now they have twisted and distorted themselves to prop Trump up.

11/07/2025

If you have a child in first year university or college, this would be a good weekend to check on them.

If in high school there were issues of behavior, drugs and/or alcohol, or if you were helping with their school.work, those are all red flags for concerns arising in their first semester now.

Their check-in is more than asking how they are doing. It's about seeing the midterm report as well as the grades for assignments and tests.

Kids can be good ar providing their parents with what the parent would like to hear. However, test scores and reports can more accurately effect progress.

If a child goes to the "you don't trust me" speech or denies any grades or tests, that is a huge red flag.

The value of the check-in is not to cause grief, but to allow an opportunity for support.

If issues arise, now is also the time to connect your child to student services.

All colleges and universities have help available. The help can include counseling as well as learning support.

We want your kids to succeed. To do so we don't want them to fall so behind as to not be able to catch up.

Now is the time to take that look and if necessary, link to services.

11/06/2025

Love. Yeah, sweat the small stuff. My conversation with David Cooper.

Comedy Podcast · Updated Daily · Welcome to The Last Show with David Cooper, where sanity takes a backseat and laughter rides shotgun. Join David and his UK partner-in-chaos Tony Five as they hurtle through a landscape of relationshi…

11/06/2025

I sat there not knowing what to say.

I looked up at the couple and said, I need a moment. There has been much that has been shared.

One of the couple kind of prodded me to say something, but I wasn't ready.

I held up my hand with a gesture that said, hold on.

Silence. It may have felt like forever. That didn't matter.

What mattered was my not rushing to say something before having processed and considered fully what I had heard.

I. Gave. Myself. Space. And. Permission. To. Think.

Only then, once I felt comfortable with myself, did I proceed.

11/06/2025

When I used to do mediations, an issue that came up from time to time was, that if not in my office, then where?

Some people thought there might be an advantage to carry on at one place or another. At times the quest was on for "neutral" turf.

With that, some mediations were held in hotel meeting rooms.

However, I never cared where we met.

Neutrality is less a function of the space but the attitude of the mediator.

The mediator must strive to find comfort and that neutrality in any space and among any participants.

Therein is the role and challenge of the mediator.

It remains our job to bring that attitude, neutrality, curiosity and calm, to the work of helping people with conflicting expectations find their way to a manageable resolution.

It's never the space.

It's the people.

11/06/2025

I'm up.... it's a beautiful morning. Arlene is still sleeping. Sidney is cuddled with her.

Quietly I leave the room.

I wash our cups for the morning's hot beverages.

I fill the kettle for my tea and the Keurig for Arlene's coffee. Tea is in my diffuser. A pod in the Keurig. One packet of sweetener beside Arlene's cup.

The kettle is boiled, the water hot.

All is ready.

I won't make my tea until Arlene joins me.

Sidney will be up with her. He will roam the backyard.

We have our morning beverages together.

We ask how the other has slept. We talk.

Sidney will return. One of us will wipe his paws. He will lay on the couch between us.

Every morning.

11/05/2025

There were a number of elections yesterday in the US, mostly at the state level and a few mayors.

There was also a vote in California asking if their legislature should pass a bill that would redraw their electoral map making it easier for five more democrats to win in federal elections.

The outcome was a clean sweep for the Democrats.

In the US, the Democrats are the equivalent of the Canadian Liberals and some NDPs. The Republicans are their version of the Canadian Conservative party.

This is a striking outcome and repudiates Trump and the far right.

This sets the tone for next year's midterm elections when they will have the opportunity to more balance the power dynamic in America.

However, it may also set the stage for even more drastic measures by Trump in the meantime as he seeks to consolidate more power.

Meanwhile here in Canada the homegrown far right conservatives are doing what they can to undermine the minority Liberal government and the new budget.

It's still up in the air as to whether or not the budget will get enough votes to pass and therefore whether we may have another federal election.

Yesterday's US election and outcome should cause Canadian conservatives to think twice about triggering an election. However, if they do, the Liberals may come back stronger.

We are on the edge of our own cliff hanger.

The outrageous memes continue, seeking to undermine confidence.

Interesting times.