Psychotherapy with Jackie Bristow

02/19/2026

Many female clients tell me "Men suck!" They feel all the good ones are taken, or that there are no good ones left. They tell me how they don't listen or are invalidating or that they are from another planet. Why is this?

Men and women are very different and we are socialized as such. A part of this is many men are taught to be tough and not show their emotions even now despite society being more progressive. The issue is that men are often victimized by other men as being weak for showing emotions or are taught it is better to blame shift than take accountability for their actions, to avoid looking weak by being wrong. These behaviours seriously decrease connection for female partners who are taught to be more cooperative and relational.

Women are not free of these socially constructed norms either and part of men's complaints of women are women trying to mother them or change them. Women are taught to give above their own needs and as adult women we do this and then often resent our partners. We also might try to change them and make them display more feminine traits such as having more emotional awareness or conscientious behaviours. While this can be good in some respects this is not our job as women or as their partner and this can have deleterious effects to the dynamic of the relationship, by making men feel even more emasculated.

These are just some of the elements/reasons why women and men struggle to tolerate, understand and connect with each other.

I work with female clients on ways to stop trying to mother or change their men and instead take less responsibility for how others feel and to learn to put their own needs first. I also teach men to be more communicative and understand their emotions better and those of others. Reach out for a free consultation if you need help with dating or relationships! You do not have to suffer alone.

Downtown Kingston

02/16/2026

Don't rationalize with someone if they have arrived at a conclusion irrationally. Often when someone is unreasonable with us, we try to argue our side, attempting to convince them why their view is unreasonable.
However this does not work and why is that?

Well one reason is that unreasonable requests or beliefs are often emotional and sometimes not even about the very surface complaint. For example it could be about control that a partner lashes out and attempts to gaslight you telling you are unreasonable or overactive when in fact it is them that is those things. Rationalizing will only get you more frustrated as it typically escalates someone's irrational argument and gaslighting, so not rationalizing means you keep your power.
Putting in a boundary that says "If you continue to treat me like this I will leave, I will stop being friends with you or I will not listen when you speak to me like this."

Reach out for more support and tools
should you suffer from being invalidated, gaslit and forced to undertake unreasonable expectations.

02/14/2026

Drop a ❤️ if you agree…

02/10/2026

Supporting an avoidant partner isn’t about walking on eggshells or pretending you don’t have needs. It’s about learning how to create enough emotional safety that your partner can stay engaged and you can stay connected to yourself. 🪴

A few ideas to try (take what fits and leave the rest):
— Name what they’re getting right (reflect what you want to grow).
— Offer healthy space without letting anxiety run the show.
— Let them share their inner world without jumping in to manage it.
— Lead with vulnerability (“I need emotional support to feel safe/close”), instead of blame.
— After you share a concern, give them room to process before expecting an immediate response.

And as always…avoidant behaviors don’t mean your partner doesn’t care. They usually mean your partner is overwhelmed and protecting. Understanding that doesn’t excuse hurtful behavior, but it does give you a map for how to respond in a way that doesn’t feed the negative cycle.

Please no avoidant-bashing in the comments. Pain is real, but contempt won’t help you heal. ❤
Questions welcomed 🪴

02/10/2026

“Death is a stripping away of all that is not you. The secret to life is to 'die before you die'—and find that there is no death.” —Eckhart Tolle

02/06/2026

02/05/2026

Isn't it interesting how much it affects our self esteem when someone blames us or criticizes us? I am referring to people who are hypercritical, and do not deal with their own emotions, instead projecting them onto others. It is hard for people who are self reflective to not self blame when they receive this kind of hypercriticism, but this can be a moment of awareness for them in that if they are feeling insecure due to someone's harsh words, it very likely is about this other person and not about them. Reach out for a free 15 min consultation.

I work with people who have been abused and hyper criticized by family or partners in their life and how to move past this and stop internalizing these self limiting beliefs that were never theirs to begin with. You can ask for a free consult by emailing me or going to my website's contact form Jackiebristow.ca

02/02/2026

It is cold outside! Stay in and talk to me from your couch. People wonder what the differences are with online therapy. Meta analysis has shown that online therapy is as effective as in person therapy with some distinct differences. The biggest difference is flexibility and being able to be in a predictable, comfortable environment like your home. This is ideal for people who don't have much time, allowing them to access it from anywhere, and benefits those that are anxious in novel environments.

Reach out for a free consult to see if we are a good fit. Treating anxiety, depression, adhd, trauma and more.

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01/28/2026

I don't know who needs to hear this but probably people pleasers and trauma survivors. We often learn boundaries can upset other people if we experienced trauma and that in turn makes us feel that upsetting others means we are doing something wrong. The latter is not mutually exclusive, in that we can upset other people even if we are not doing something 'wrong.'

Being survivors of trauma can lead us to feel that putting in boundaries is wrong because it upsets others. CReating boundaries with others is ESSENTIAL, I repeat, ESSENTIAL to being in any type of relationship with someone. You will be vulnerable to harm if you are unable to put in any boundaries. For example, listening to a friend vent so much that you become overwhelmed and unable to regulate requires you to put in boundaries.

These are common conversations I have with clients and learning how to work with the guilt or shame that comes with saying no to someone, is a part of the path forward toward self preservation and healthier self esteem.

You do not have to give all of yourself to someone or give someone full access to you, for you to be loved, accepted and not abandoned and if this is the requirement then the cost is too high.
Reach out for a free consultation to see if we are a good fit. Two evening slots just opened for online therapy.
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01/22/2026

“Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.” —Eckhart Tolle

01/22/2026

Acceptance is the only way out of hell? Kind of. Much of our experience as humans is to put things aside, avoid, or deny our feelings and experiences in an effort to function better in this chaotic world. Freud talked about denial being a more developed, less primitive defense mechanism than people who avoid feelings though projection or dissociation, but what does this mean exactly? Is deinal good?

In some cases yes - it allows us protection against things that may be too upsetting for us to realize or accept in the moment, but then how does this help us in the long term? The fact is, it doesn’t. Denial and other forms of avoidance are meant to be temporary constructs that allow us to navigate difficult situations; to quell our nervous system arousal to make a difficult situation more livable. The unfortunate nature of our lives is that we are faced with stress from all angles that sometimes never relents, making us rely more heavily on these temporary defenses, often in a long-term fashion. Accepting something is the first path through to dealing with it, because we can not change what we can’t acknowledge.
Contact me for a free consultation to see how acceptance can be used as a tool in your life.

01/19/2026

Low and limited light, dark days with snow shoveling, and very little desire to go outside. This is the hardest time of year for mood aa many struggle to get out of bed during winter hibernation. What are some things that help? Some are practical solutions like SAD lamps, getting to be earlier to experience more sunlight hours, while other things are more cognitive or emotional that involve regulating our nervous system toward calm. Reach out for a free consultation to see if we are a good fit. One opening left!

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