Calm Again Psychotherapy, 268 Frederick Street, Kitchener, ON (2025)

04/08/2024

Solar Eclipse and the Shadow
Today, in light of the upcoming solar eclipse, we recommend a Jungian shadow work exercise.
The Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung was the first to identify the "shadow" as one of our many archetypes. Archetypes are patterns of perception of the world. The shadow archetype differs from the others in that it determines how we see ourselves. According to Jung, everyone has a shadow self, regardless of their accomplishments, appearances, or talents. Everyone is different. The following exercise will help us discover what ours looks like:
Recall the feeling of standing in front of people (or an audience) who make you feel insecure or embarrassed. Focus on this feeling and the image it creates in you. Based on these feelings, imagine a face and a body. You can even draw them.
There's no wrong way to do this, and you can get very surprising images that are not at all typical of the way the world sees you. For example, a CEO might be a lonely, crying little girl. Let's remember that image so that you can work with it in the future.
We perceive our shadow as something to be ashamed of and often do our best to hide it from others. However, this often does not have the desired effect, as it can make us feel that we cannot be our true selves, that we must constantly hide who and what we are, and that we are afraid of being found out. Many of us begin to seek approval from the outside, which will never be enough and will never replace it if we cannot accept ourselves from the inside.
We can use the following exercise developed by American psychiatrist Phil Stutz as a modern version of Jungian shadow work. He calls it the Inner Authority Exercise.
Imagine yourself standing in front of an audience. Imagine your shadow standing beside you. Then, forget the audience and focus only on your shadow and the unbreakable bond between the two of you. Take your shadow's hand, turn to face the audience together, and shout: LISTEN TO US!
This exercise clears the space for you to express yourself freely. This power, with persistent practice, can lead to the development of inner authority.
By Orsolya Kis

03/27/2024

Negative Emotions are not Necessarily "Negative"

Humans are emotional beings and we often find negative emotions daunting. However, negative emotions are not always inherently "negative"; instead, they possess unique functions and values.

Experiencing and navigating complex emotions make us more human. Those seemingly negative emotions can forge a closer connection with the world, allowing a more wholehearted engagement with life. After all, without experiencing the pain of sorrow, how can one truly appreciate the joy of happiness?

They also serve as vital warning signals, offering insights into external stimuli and guiding adaptive responses for survival and well-being. Last, these emotions can spark motivation and positive change; for example, anger can inspire strength and drive societal fairness.

Instead of suppressing negative emotions, it is more helpful to learn effective coping strategies such as regular exercise, meditation, journaling, time management, maintaining a healthy diet, seeking social support, and, when necessary, professional help.

Therefore, rather than categorizing emotions strictly as good or bad, understanding, experiencing, and accepting them as part of the human journey can lead to a more enriching and fulfilling life.

By Songqin Wei

03/21/2024

Today we share some wisdom in the form of a free verse poem, written by a group of 70+ writers in a retirement home.

Things We Should Have Learned By Now

1. To not get so busy
2. Ice is slippery
3. You can’t fight age
4. There's no point in keeping clothes that are too small. They'll never fit again
5. To listen to my kids
6. There's no point in waiting for the moment when I feel like doing the dishes. That moment will never come
7. To talk less
8. To know when I should talk instead of listening
9. How to use my new phone
10. To feel more comfortable asking for help
11. That I can’t be all things to all people
12. To believe more in miracles
13. That others, too, struggle with the same things I do.
That I still have a lot to learn.

03/19/2024

Mary Oliver's poem beautifully captures the essence of what psychologists call "the wisdom of trauma. In therapy, our goal is often to unlock this "box of darkness" and transform it into a source of empowerment. It is important to clarify that this process does not involve justifying the trauma. Just as forgiveness does not mean justifying what was done to us. Instead, it means that we let go of the other person's throat and begin to focus on ourselves, our inner journey, and our healing.
By Orsolya Kis

03/06/2024

Everyone is an Artist
In each of us resides an artist. Art unlocks the door to our inner child's world—a space where we can play, laugh, and simply be. It comes in various forms, from painting and drawing to clay making, origami, jewelry crafting, crochet, poetry, dance, singing, and movement—whatever resonates with you.
The beauty of art lies not in the final product but in embracing the process, immersing yourself in creativity, and reconnecting with your inner child. Art is free from judgment, guiding you to wherever you wish to go in the world.
Befriend with art; it will accompany, comfort, inspire, encourage, listen, and hold space for you. Allow yourself to just be. Everyone is an artist because art resides within us all.
By Songqin Wei

03/05/2024

Today, we share a painfully honest but beautifully profound poem about a mother-daughter relationship in old age. Reading and writing poetry can be therapeutic - especially when you are going through a difficult time in your life.

Katalin Mezey: Like rusty knives

From false teeth, from glasses
some old clothes
I'll cobble together
my mother every morning.
Between the legs of a skeleton
I place a diaper,
a pair of tights, a pair of stockings;
I put on her slippers,
and then, holding hands
we shuffle into the living room.
She, the champion of independence,
who never needed anyone,
and me, the champion of freedom,
who, as a teenager, ran away from her–
I didn't want to live in her austerity.
Now, people who knew us before might be surprised.
Just like sharpening rusty knives,
God is sharpening us with one another.

(translated by Orsolya Kis)

Mezey, Katalin. “Akar a rozsdas keseket”. Eloretolt Helyorseg, August 25 th 2018.

02/21/2024

To celebrate library and book lovers, let's take a brief look at some of the potential benefits of reading from a psychological perspective.
1. Reading can help you understand others' feelings better.
Reading books about characters from different backgrounds dealing with different situations helps us to empathize more with the characters. It can be transferred to our real lives as we become able to see the nuances and complexities of others' perspectives and become less judgmental.
2. Reading before going to bed can help you fall asleep.
Reading a physical book can help you relax better than staring at a screen before going to bed. Screens, such as e-readers and tablets, might make it harder for you to fall asleep and can harm your sleep. So, it's better to pick up a real book before going to sleep instead of using screens.
3. Reading can make you feel calm.
You might not expect it, but reading is just as good as doing yoga or laughing to help you feel less stressed. In one study, 24 healthy adults did a stressful task, then read for an hour. They found that their anxiety, heart rate, and blood pressure went down significantly after reading.

What was the last book you read and enjoyed?
By Orsolya Kis

01/10/2024

January 11 - National Step in a Puddle and Splash Your Friend Day

What does psychology tell us about our inner child?
In recent years, psychological trends that emphasize embracing the inner child have become popular. They are based on Bowlby's attachment theory and the idea that attachment injuries caused by a primary caregiver in infancy can be healed later in adulthood by giving ourselves what we needed but didn't get. Of course, this will not be able to undo what happened to us as an infant/child, but it can help us slowly transform our attachment style into a healthier, safer form.
One of the primary needs of our inner child is the need for security. But this theory also reminds us not to forget the need for play, spontaneity, and joy. It is easy to forget this in our busy lives with many responsibilities. Feel free to jump in a puddle, dance silly, sing in the shower! Life can't always be serious.

12/05/2023

December 7 – National Letter Writing Day (US)
Letter writing as a therapeutic tool?
Several therapeutic modalities use the technique of letter writing, or transactional writing, which means writing a letter (preferably handwritten, but it can be typed) and in that letter expressing your feelings, asking questions, and honestly revealing what is troubling you. The advantage is that it can be addressed to people with whom there is no other way to communicate: people who have died or with whom we have lost contact. You don't have to send these letters— they are part of your own work of self-discovery. Writing such a letter can be a breakthrough in your healing process.
If you would like to write such a letter, but have no specific idea of who to write it to or how to go about it, you can follow the advice of the author of Expressive Writing: Words That Heal:
''Write about what keeps you awake at night. The emotional upheaval bothering you the most and keeping you awake at night is a good place to start writing.''
Pennebaker J. W. & Evans J. F. (2014). Expressive writing: words that heal. Idyll Arbor.
By Orsolya Kis

11/14/2023

November 13 - World Kindness Day.
There are two dimensions of kindness: it can be directed towards others or towards oneself – in psychology, this is called self-care. Both dimensions are essential for a fulfilled life.
But if we are honest, we have to acknowledge that there are and there will be days when, for some reason, we fail to be kind to others. We feel tired, burnt out, or just too nervous and lack the energy to be kind to others. We yell at our child, we hurt our friend, and we are impatient with a co-worker. After all, we are human beings, not superhuman. This is OK as long as we can recognize and reflect on why it happened and can apologize if we were at fault. When this "repair" happens, the relationship can continue without severe damage.
And very often, we forget to take care of ourselves. We go about our daily lives, focusing on work and tasks, and it can take weeks or months to wake up - by which time we may even be showing physical symptoms of being overworked and not taking care of ourselves. This is often exacerbated by social pressures and work culture. We need to be available at all times and perform at our highest level. We feel guilty when we take sick leave because we are relied upon at work... Until society recognizes the damage the constant availability can do, we are left alone to listen to our body and soul signals and press the stop button at the right time - because no one else will do it for us.
by Orsolya Kis

11/07/2023

Happy birthday to Marie Skłodowska Curie, who was born on this day in 1867!

Marie Curie was the first person to be awarded the Nobel Prize twice, and is still the only individual to receive the prize in two different science categories.

Find out more about this extraordinary laureate: https://bit.ly/2EQeIam

11/07/2023

A new study reveals a universal linguistic truth: languages across the globe have words for 'this' and 'that.'

11/07/2023

Death Café...
This past week, we have celebrated All Saints' Day and the Day of the Dead. On this occasion, we would like to draw attention to the importance of not making death a taboo subject.
Our society seems to have an intense "death phobia." We try to avoid even the thought that one day, our loved ones and we ourselves will die. This is an exciting contrast to the growing interest in horror films and documentaries about serial killings. There's something fascinating and terrifying about it. We only dare to think about it in the context of others, not ourselves.
This avoidance, in turn, often leads to people being caught unprepared for death, and this leads to confusion and problems. Even beyond the practicalities like the luck of will or undiscovered surprises, relatives may have no idea what kind of funeral the person would have wanted because they never discussed it.
The Death Cafés are open groups in Kitchener-Waterloo, ON that were designed to provide the opportunity to talk openly about death and all the things that go along with it.
deathcafe.com
by Orsolya Kis

10/30/2023

The emotional themes of the music also played a pivotal role, with "moving or bittersweet" songs proving the most effective.

10/30/2023

“Whatever you're meant to do, do it now. The conditions are always impossible.”

- Wise words from novelist Doris Lessing.

Lessing was awarded the 2007 Nobel Prize in Literature - at 88 years old she was and still is the oldest person to receive the award. Her body of work comprises around 50 books and spans several genres. Her writing is characterised by penetrating studies of living conditions in the 20th century, behavioural patterns and historical developments.

Learn more about Lessing: https://bit.ly/2O4hJXX

Calm Again Psychotherapy

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