05/15/2024
Expectations.
We all have them for both our kids and ourselves as parents. When frustrations arise throughout the day, think about whether an expectation you’ve put on your kid or yourself is realistic. If it’s not realistic, think about how you can make it realistic (eg. come alongside your kiddo to help them clean up their toys, jump in and sit beside your kid as they struggle to problem solve with a sibling, etc.).
If the expectation is realistic for your kid and you find yourself still frustrated, think about whether you have an unrealistic expectation of yourself as a parent. Are you expecting that you should have got it perfect by now? You should be able to regulate your own embarrassment, annoyance, anger perfectly when it’s triggered by your kid’s behaviours? Begin to rework some of your expectations of yourself as a parent so that you don’t have to live in constant disappointment that you’re just not getting it right.
Here’s a realistic expectation that every parent can practice: “I’m a human with my own feelings and thoughts. These are going to infiltrate into my relationship with my kids and ruptures will happen. When ruptures happen, I will repair the rupture by owning my stuff and apologizing and then I will forgive myself. I will be mindful of when this trigger happens next time and try to respond based on my kid’s need rather than my own discomfort. When a rupture happens again, because I’m a human and it will, I will repair the relationship and own my wrongs and forgive myself again.”
Repeat x infinity.
Don’t struggle alone in parenting. Talk it through with others. There’s an unrealistic expectation society gives that parents know what they’re doing and should have perfect kids. Let’s create a new realistic expectation of parenting that’s grounded in truth, vulnerability, repair, forgiveness.
