Snowflakes on Roses

Snowflakes on Roses Certifying doula in Infant and Pregnancy Loss Support and Fertility Support Practitioner. Future cer

I realize that I haven't made an update about my journey to be a mother again on my own. If you've ever lost a baby or m...
08/18/2024

I realize that I haven't made an update about my journey to be a mother again on my own. If you've ever lost a baby or multiple babies, you'll know exactly why I did that. It is not easy to share the joy or even feel happy about what you have. You know how easy it is to be taken away from you.

But here it is.

My baby boy is currently 9 months old. He's been making me run for my money, but he is worth everything. He was in a major rush to come to the world. He was born on November 15 at 36w4d. He was a good size: 7lbs3oz. Worry about him being jaundiced, or losing dramatic weight comes with a preterm baby. But this little human has been a fighter since conception. I had a major miscarriage scare at 6 weeks. I was bleeding a lot and I wasn't able to clot. It turned out the baby asprin I was taking was making me bleed and increasing my blood pressure. We did an early scan, and we found no heartbeat. A little week later, there was his little heart beat. He stuck around with me. Even after birth, doctors were super surprised he managed to not get jaundice or lose weight. He's my little warrior. 💙

I was not ready for this. I was scared up until week 34. I found myself nesting and rushing to get everything done. I hadn't bought a single thing until then. It is so difficult to be pregnant after loss and infertility. But I did it.

   Never forgotten🩷🩵
10/15/2023



Never forgotten🩷🩵

October 15th is PREGNANCY & INFANT LOSS AWARENESS DAY. On that day at 7:00 pm your time, light a candle while saying you...
10/05/2023

October 15th is PREGNANCY & INFANT LOSS AWARENESS DAY. On that day at 7:00 pm your time, light a candle while saying your baby's name in their honor. Parents from all over the world will be doing this throughout the day, creating a wave of light. Share your pictures and story on Instagram.

Bonus points if you can name the locations correctly! Hint: 6 different countries/cities.
08/17/2023

Bonus points if you can name the locations correctly! Hint: 6 different countries/cities.

Update on my situation.  I've been MIA again. Sorry about that.Trigger warning. I am currently   with a child conceived ...
05/30/2023

Update on my situation. I've been MIA again. Sorry about that.

Trigger warning.

I am currently with a child conceived on my own (with a little bit of extra help, of course).

So far, so good. But this pregnancy is kicking my old ass! 😩 I feel scared. I feel excited. I feel neutral. It is an emotional roller coaster, to say the least.

I know you have questions. Ask them.

Happiest 3rd birthday to my lovely angel boy, Luka! I think about you all the time. No matter how long time has passed, ...
12/19/2022

Happiest 3rd birthday to my lovely angel boy, Luka! I think about you all the time. No matter how long time has passed, you are still important to me. I know you are happy being someone else's baby, and that's all I want. You are my sweet, innocent baby boy. I love you so much!

If you build, it they will come! Here's hoping I get my moonbow soon 🤞
10/22/2022

If you build, it they will come! Here's hoping I get my moonbow soon 🤞

I've been MIA. I'm sorry about that. Life has been one heck of a ride. But I'm still here and still surviving.- I sold m...
08/30/2022

I've been MIA. I'm sorry about that. Life has been one heck of a ride. But I'm still here and still surviving.

- I sold my house. My first ever property and who knows when I'll get an opportunity like that again.

- I moved in to a fresh new apartment. (Bonus: there's a cute single dad just across the hall from me 😍 and his sons go to the same school as mine...coincidence or fate. I will let you decide. 🤣)

- The custody battle of my son is still on going, but the other side has finally understood my point of view.

- I am completely broke due to the fact that I had no income all of July. It didn't help that I had major expenses recently.

- My only living son is starting school!!! 😵‍💫 where has the time gone? 😭

- I have a doctor appointment on Friday for a high risk OB-GYN who will follow me for any subsequent pregnancy.

- My infertility support group is starting up again soon. (DM me for details)

- I have fantastic friends who have always been there for me and for that I am eternally grateful.

- I've been avoiding Instagram because of all the triggers it brings. But I still want to see what you're all up to.

That's it for now. What's up with you?

This is an overwhelmed person. Life has kicked her in the head, chest and the feet from under her."How do you keep going...
08/12/2022

This is an overwhelmed person.

Life has kicked her in the head, chest and the feet from under her.

"How do you keep going?"
"How do you still get up every morning?"
"How are you surviving?"

I'm not super human. I cry. I breakdown. I scream. I get frustrated and angry. That's literally the meaning of overwhelmed.

I have lots of moments of weakness. I take antidepressants. I ask for help when I need it. But sometimes it's simply too much.

Why am I crying today? Because the reality of my fu**ed of situation has finally hit me.

I don't have a baby (one and one ).
I don't have a husband.
Pretty soon I won't have a house to call my own.
My only living son is staying with his dad 50% of the time.
I come home to a completely empty house.
The family I have made along the way are gone.
I feel so alone.
I feel so unloved.
I feel so ugly in my own skin.
I feel so betrayed.
I am so hurt.

What do I have left from the life that I took for granted? Pretty much nothing. And this is slowly killing me.

When is it my turn?

Some thoughts on my mind. 🤬
08/04/2022

Some thoughts on my mind. 🤬

Movie recommendation: Pieces of a Woman on Netflix Because the baby loss takes only a second, the grief lasts a lifetime...
07/23/2022

Movie recommendation: Pieces of a Woman on Netflix

Because the baby loss takes only a second, the grief lasts a lifetime. (Yes, you can quote me on this.)



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Laval, QC

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