07/05/2024
I know I've been a bit absent on socials... the meme adequately depicts where I've been. I'm an introverted person who processes things slowly and consciously with time. My neurospicy brain sometimes makes it impossible to find the words to express my thoughts and emotions, and so I tend to retreat into myself... I've tried to be conscious of leaning on my community during this trying time, but it's a balance I'm still working on.
There's no shame or judgment if you haven't made peace with all of your parts/shadows yet... I think that is the healing work we're all here to do. For a long time, I villianized my inner teen, my divine feminine, my divine masculine, my inner warrior, and my ego. Since last fall, I've been deeply working on meeting these (previously rejected) parts of me with love, grace, forgiveness, and so much tenderness. It's not glamorous this healing. It's raw and sometimes viscerally painful. I feel stripped naked and vulnerable as I release the narratives that have kept me restrained all these years. I thank them for their purpose, for trying to keep me safe, and then I release them back to Pachamama, Father Sky, Universe, and Spirit. Somatic healing has been my savoir.
I find it so interesting that as I purge and heal these emotional wounds, my physical body is also purging and healing. And I'm grateful for that, too; for making me consciously slow down and tend to my physical well-being - something I took for granted for too many years. Apparently, I'm in the late stages of Mono. In retrospect, it makes sense; I've been struggling so much for the last 4ish months. Doc is going to run some general tests to be sure, but other than that, there's nothing to be done but rest, hydrate & let my body heal 🙏
I'm beyond grateful to have some clarity after months of confusion. I'm beyond grateful for my community, who has held me when I didn't feel strong enough to hold myself. For the growth this period has inspired. I'm proud of my consistency, my perserverence, and the slow but significant progress I've made. For the way I have held myself with gentle hands and still managed to (mostly) consciously & gentle parent throughout it all.
