Live Whole Counselling and Fitness

01/14/2026

Fitting In vs. Belonging

Fitting in is a survival strategy.
It develops when safety depends on being accepted, agreeable, or non-disruptive. The nervous system learns to scan, adapt, and shape-shift in order to maintain connection.

Belonging is a regulated state.
It emerges when the body no longer has to perform for attachment. Belonging allows authenticity, difference, and boundaries without fear of abandonment.

From a trauma-informed perspective:
• Fitting in prioritizes connection over self
• Belonging integrates self and connection
• Fitting in requires vigilance
• Belonging allows presence

Many people confuse fitting in with connection because both reduce loneliness — but fitting in often comes at the cost of authenticity, exhaustion, and self-abandonment.

In therapy, the shift from fitting in to belonging happens as the nervous system learns that:
• Expression does not equal rejection
• Boundaries do not equal abandonment
• Authenticity can coexist with connection

Belonging is not about being liked by everyone.
It’s about being seen and staying intact.

01/13/2026

Shame intolerance refers to a person’s low capacity to experience, process, or sit with feelings of shame without becoming overwhelmed or going into protective reactions.

Instead of shame being a temporary emotional signal (“something feels wrong here”), it becomes intolerable, triggering survival responses.

What shame intolerance can look like
• 🔥 Defensiveness or anger when receiving feedback
• 🚪 Avoidance (ghosting, withdrawing, shutting down)
• 🧊 Emotional numbing or dissociation
• 🧠 Intellectualizing or over-explaining to escape the feeling
• 🪞 Projection (blaming or shaming others)
• 📉 Collapse into worthlessness, self-loathing, or hopelessness
• 🔁 Perfectionism or people-pleasing to prevent shame at all costs

Where it often comes from

Shame intolerance usually develops early, especially when:
• Love or safety felt conditional
• Mistakes were met with criticism, humiliation, or withdrawal
• Emotional expression was punished or ignored
• A child learned: “If I feel shame, I am in danger.”

The nervous system learns to treat shame as a threat, not an emotion.

Shame vs. guilt (important distinction)
• Guilt: “I did something wrong.” → reparative, motivating
• Shame: “I am wrong.” → identity-level, destabilizing

Shame intolerance makes even mild feedback feel like an attack on the self.

In relationships & therapy

Shame intolerance can show up as:
• Difficulty taking accountability without spiraling
• Rupture instead of repair
• Sudden devaluation of the other person
• Fear of being “seen” or known
• Strong reactions to perceived rejection

Healing shame intolerance

Healing isn’t about eliminating shame—it’s about increasing capacity to feel it without losing yourself.

Helpful approaches include:
• Nervous system regulation (somatic work, breathwork)
• Relational repair experiences (being met with compassion while imperfect)
• Self-compassion practices (not affirmations, but embodied safety)
• Carefully paced exposure
work

The goal isn’t “never feeling shame.”
The goal is learning: “I can feel this and still be safe, worthy, and connected.”

01/12/2026

Forgiveness vs. Reconciliation

Forgiveness
• An internal process
• Focused on your healing and
peace
• Can happen without the other
person
• Does not require contact or
communication
• Releases emotional and
nervous-system burden
• Can coexist with strong
boundaries
• Happens on your timeline

Reconciliation
• An interpersonal process
• Focused on repairing a
relationship
• Requires mutual participation
• Requires accountability, safety,
and trust
• Involves restored contact or
connection
• Not always possible or healthy
• Depends on consistent changed
behaviour

*Important Reminder*
You can forgive without reconciling.
Reconciliation is optional.
Forgiveness is personal.
Your healing does not depend on someone else’s readiness.

01/12/2026

Forgiveness Therapy isn’t about excusing harm, forgetting what happened, or reconciling with someone who is unsafe.

It’s an internal healing process that helps release the emotional and nervous-system burden of unresolved anger, resentment, or grief.

Forgiveness can support:
• emotional regulation
• reduced rumination
• somatic relief
• clearer boundaries
• a return to inner peace

You are allowed to forgive without minimizing your pain.
You are allowed to forgive without restoring access.
You are allowed to forgive in your own time.

Forgiveness is not for the other person.
It’s for your freedom.
What does forgiveness mean to you right now?

01/09/2026

Grief isn’t just sadness.
It’s what the body holds when a world has changed.

The iceberg reminds us:
what shows up on the outside is only a fraction of the experience.

Slow your breath.
Feel your feet.
Let the nervous system catch up to the loss.

You don’t have to carry this alone.

01/08/2026

01/07/2026

In my work with clients, we often explore moments in relationships that feel subtly unsettling — even when nothing appears “wrong” on the surface.

That unsettled feeling can be an important signal. It may point to misattunement, blurred boundaries, or support that doesn’t quite land as supportive.

One gentle reflection to consider:
Is the support I’m receiving centered on my needs — or on someone else’s need to be seen, validated, or reassured?

This kind of awareness isn’t about blame. It’s about choice — choice around who we let in, how close we allow them, and what boundaries help us feel safe and respected.

What does your body notice in moments like these?

01/07/2026

. Anxiety response vs. trauma response

Many people come to therapy believing they are “just anxious.”
But sometimes what looks like anxiety is actually a trauma response — and the difference matters.

Anxiety responses are often future-oriented.
They show up as worry, rumination, anticipation, and a strong desire to prevent something bad from happening. The nervous system is activated, but still anchored in the present.

Trauma responses are often body-led and present-focused.
They can show up as sudden overwhelm, shutdown, hypervigilance, emotional numbing, or feeling “too much” or “not here” — even when there is no immediate threat. The body is responding as if the past is happening now.

Neither response means something is wrong with you.
Both are adaptive ways the nervous system learned to protect you.

What’s important is noticing how your system responds:
• Do you feel pulled into thoughts and worry?
• Or does your body take over — tightening, freezing, disconnecting, or bracing?

This awareness helps guide support.
Anxiety often benefits from cognitive tools and reassurance.
Trauma responses require safety, regulation, and a slower, body-based approach.

Healing begins when we stop asking “What’s wrong with me?”
and start asking “What happened, and what does my nervous system need now?”

01/05/2026

Breath is often the first light we share.

When our nervous system is overwhelmed, the breath helps restore safety, presence, and inner capacity — one inhale, one exhale at a time

01/03/2026

This is the heart of therapeutic work.

No casting aside. No rushing. No judgment.
Just attention, acceptance, compassion, and when needed, gentle direction.

And sometimes, the most healing thing we can offer is our steady presence — sharing light until someone remembers their own.

01/01/2026

Intention Setting for 2026

Before rushing into goals, achievements, or “next steps,” pause and ask yourself different questions.The kind that create alignment instead of pressure.

For 2026, reflect on this:

• What do I want to feel more often—and what needs to be released to support that?

• Where am I choosing fear over trust, and what would choosing differently look like?

• What does living in integrity with my values require of me daily?

• Which relationships need clearer boundaries, deeper presence, or more compassion?

• What part of me is asking to be acknowledged or reclaimed?

• How do I want to meet discomfort, uncertainty, and change this year?

• What does “enough” mean for me now?

• Where am I being called to simplify?

• If I trusted my body’s wisdom more, what would change?

• At the end of 2026, how do I want to say I showed up for my life?

No forcing.
No fixing.
Just intentional listening.

Let 2026 be about alignment, not perfection.

01/01/2026

As you move through these questions, I invite you to do so with curiosity rather than judgment. This is not about measuring productivity or perfection — it’s about noticing awareness, resilience, and moments of self-connection that may have gone unseen.

Let your answers come from the body as much as the mind. Pause. Breathe. Take your time. What you notice is already part of the work.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/in-practice/201812/20-enjoyable-end-of-year-review-questions?fbclid=IwRlRTSAPCq5FzcnRjBmFwcF9pZAo2NjI4NTY4Mzc5AAEeOEypVA-dFbov3ZKC77SZmZ_neGEqh3Y2z3FYz101kjsvwq42T6cCZoUGld8

Before you jump to making New Year's resolutions, try this fun end-of-year review.