04/22/2026
YES applicable to parenting! There’s a tension many parents I work with feel every day:
If I don’t stay in charge, everything will fall apart.
And yet… for many of our children & teens, especially those with a PDA profile or on the autism spectrum, that feeling of “being controlled” is exactly what pushes their stress higher.
This is where this reframe matters.
Power isn’t something we have to hold tightly.
In fact, the tighter we hold it, the more resistance we often see.
Through a Self-Reg lens (Stuart Shanker), we start to ask a different question:
What’s driving the behaviour? What’s the stress underneath?
For many children, autonomy isn’t a “want”, it’s a nervous system need.
So “giving power” might look like:
-offering real choices (not forced ones)
-reducing demands when stress is high
-noticing when control battles are actually stress battles
This doesn’t mean no boundaries.
It means prioritizing differently.
Because when stress goes down, capacity in children & parents goes up đź’ž
Laura Cesaroni, PhD RP
For generations, adult–child relationships were built on power ✨over✨.
Even as we’ve given kids more voice and rights, the old self-control mindset still linger, telling us we need to stay in charge at all costs.
This graphic by educator Kristin Wiens offers a wiser reframe: ✨ Power doesn’t have to be a threat.✨ It can be something we give, through understanding, safety, and stress awareness!
