12/19/2025
A ritual - A ceremony, before a Mastectomy.
Last year, I was asked a question by someone whose partner was about to undergo a mastectomy. They wanted to know how they could best support their partner, and how they themselves could navigate the grief they were feeling.
We sometimes forget that partners also grieve. They, too, experience the loss of a part of their loved one’s body, and often have very little space to name or express that grief.
I suggested a ritual. A ceremony. A shared moment of deep connection and presence—an opportunity to honour the breast that was about to be removed, and to acknowledge everything it had been.
That moment stayed with me.
Preparing emotionally before a mastectomy is crucial. While the medical team is fully focused on physical recovery, it is often difficult to find time and space for the emotional process—between medical appointments, logistics, and the weight of what is coming.
This is why one of the services I offer is a ritual before—or after—a mastectomy.
Offering a dedicated, safe space around such a life-changing surgery is a powerful gift some clients choose to give themselves, or to share with their partner. It is an honour for me to hold that space. A space without judgment, where grief is welcome, where fear, sadness, anger, love, and relief can all be expressed freely. Every ritual is different, shaped by the needs, wishes, and boundaries of the people involved.
In the medical world, we are often guided—sometimes unconsciously—to focus almost exclusively on physical recovery. Yet there is immense power in taking time before a surgery like a mastectomy. Time to pause before this big moment. Time to face fears, to write them down, to say them out loud, and sometimes to physically release them. And then, gently, to make space for what comes after: visions of healing, strength, resilience, and a body that will continue to be supported and loved.
Since that first ritual, I have been invited to hold several others. Sometimes the partner joins. They, too, carry fears and emotions, and they also deserve space to process what is happening. Each ritual has been different, and each one has been just as powerful.
These moments can blend practical preparation with emotional and symbolic gestures: honouring the body as it is now, creating a moment of farewell, Making an altar, writing down fears, writing down a positive future, breathing, grounding, bodypainting, massage, or simply resting together in presence. All of this happens alongside—never instead of—the necessary medical preparations.
If there is a sense of mourning around the loss of breasts, then know that this is deeply human and valid. There is no shame in it. Emotional recovery takes time, just as physical recovery does, and it deserves care, intention, and gentleness.
I am deeply convinced that these rituals support the healing process. They act as a manifestation of health, and as an anchor for a strong belief: that the new body, transformed by surgery, will continue to be respected, supported, and loved.
Words, intentions, visualizations and presence are powerful. Creating space for them—before or after a mastectomy—can be an essential part of integration, healing, and wholeness.
with love,
lian.
