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RFY Counselling Room for You (RfY) Counselling Provids Services for Individuals and Couples in the Mid-Vancouver Island Region

Breathe Your Way to CalmWhen stress and anxiety hit, many of us instinctively hold our breath and tense up. But experts ...
10/18/2025

Breathe Your Way to Calm

When stress and anxiety hit, many of us instinctively hold our breath and tense up. But experts say the key to calming your body and mind is to do the opposite: breathe slowly and evenly.

A technique called “resonance breathing” can help bring your nervous system back into balance during moments of stress — and even help you fall asleep more easily.

According to Chloë Bean, a somatic trauma therapist based in Los Angeles, the method is simple: inhale for a count of five seconds and exhale for the same count. This rhythmic breathing pattern activates your parasympathetic nervous system, the part of your body that signals it’s time to “rest and digest.”

“It can be a mini-reset,” says Bean . “In my somatic work, I use resonance breathing to help clients practice checking in with themselves and tuning into what they need.”

Bean recommends practicing the technique at least once a day to feel the full benefits.

How to Practice Resonance Breathing

Find a comfortable position, preferably sitting with your back straight and feet on the floor.

Relax any areas of your body that may be tense — such as your shoulders or forehead.

Inhale through your nose for 5 seconds.

Exhale through your nose for 5 seconds.

Keep both the inhale and exhale steady, and continue for at least one minute.

Bean says it’s perfectly fine to adjust the length of your breaths to match your natural pace — just keep them even. She also suggests following along with music or a guided breathing video so you can relax without having to count.

Whether used to quiet your mind during a stressful day or as a sleep aid at night, resonance breathing is a simple, drug-free way to restore calm.

Lynn C. Allison (Newsmax)

10/17/2025
The Brain Benefits of ForgivenessWhen you feel like you have been wronged, letting go of anger is hard. But it is worth ...
10/16/2025

The Brain Benefits of Forgiveness

When you feel like you have been wronged, letting go of anger is hard. But it is worth it. Experts from Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health say studies have found that forgiveness may lower levels of depression, anxiety and hostility. It’s also linked to reduced substance abuse, higher self-esteem and greater life satisfaction. On the flip side, holding on to negative feelings can harm to your health.

When study participants were asked to forgive those who wronged them, neuroscientists found that three important parts of the brain that generate compassion and understanding were activated. When you start to forgive, the brain becomes better able to stop dwelling on hurt and instead to focus on more positive experiences, according to Inc.

Forgiveness becomes more about you and no longer about the other person and gives you back your power. For some people—especially men—forgiveness is hard, notes Tyler VanderWeele, co-director of the Initiative on Health, Spirituality, and Religion at Harvard. "Yet, when you learn to forgive, you are no longer trapped by the past actions of others and can finally feel free."

One of the best ways to practice forgiveness is the REACH method: Recall, Emphasize, Altruistic gift, Commit and Hold. These steps can help you navigate the challenging process of forgiveness and experience the associated health benefits.
Here’s a closer look at these five steps:

Recall
Bring to mind the hurtful event objectively, without focusing on your feelings of anger or resentment.

Emphasize
Try to understand the perspective of the person who wronged you and consider their situation and motives.

Altruistic gift
Recognize forgiveness as a gift you are offering to the offender, inspired by the times you have been forgiven.

Commit
Make a conscious decision to forgive and stick to it, perhaps by writing it down or telling a friend.

Hold
Hold on to your forgiveness and remind yourself of your decision when old feelings of hurt resurface.
Lynn C. Allison, Newsmax

How Waiting Helps Your BrainIf sitting in a doctor’s waiting room or standing in a long line makes you feel irritated, t...
10/08/2025

How Waiting Helps Your Brain

If sitting in a doctor’s waiting room or standing in a long line makes you feel irritated, think again. New research shows that waiting isn’t wasted time — it’s actually an opportunity for your brain to pause, reflect, and reset.

Studies suggest that waiting strengthens self-control, helping you create space between impulse and action. Whether you’re pausing before sending an email, diving into a meal, or making a purchase, those brief moments can benefit your mental and emotional health.

According to Study Finds, Ayse Burcin Baskurt, senior lecturer in applied psychology at the University of East London, says that learning to value waiting — and using it intentionally — can improve overall well-being. “Seeing the value in the moments we have to wait and using them to our advantage can improve well-being by helping us relax and regulate emotions,” she explains.

How to Make Waiting Work for You
Here are some ways to turn waiting time into a mental wellness boost:

Savor the Moment
If you’re waiting for a big event, a vacation, or time with friends, enjoy the anticipation. Research shows that savoring the lead-up to a happy occasion actually extends your pleasure.

Practice Gratitude
Instead of feeling anxious in a doctor’s office, take a moment to be grateful for access to medical care and the chance to focus on your health. Gratitude shifts your mindset and lowers stress.

Reframe Waiting
If you’re stuck in traffic or a long line, reframe the situation. Rather than seeing it as an inconvenience, use it as time to relax, reflect, or plan your day.

Be Mindful
Baskurt notes that waiting provides an excellent opportunity to practice mindfulness — focusing on the present moment without judgment. “Incorporating mindfulness into waiting can further enhance its benefits,” she says. “By being fully present during these pauses, we can reduce stress and foster greater awareness, turning waiting into a meaningful practice for mental well-being.”

The Takeaway
Baskurt adds that you don’t need to seek out waiting time — it already happens naturally. The key is to make it work for you, turning idle moments into small, meaningful breaks that promote calm and clarity.

So the next time you find yourself waiting, resist the urge to scroll your phone or fume with frustration. Take a deep breath — your brain just might thank you.

Lynn C. Allison (Newsmax health reporter)

07/30/2025

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07/24/2025

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Turning Your ADHD Into a Strength at WorkJeremy Didier had taken her son to a psychologist for a possible ADHD evaluatio...
06/28/2025

Turning Your ADHD Into a Strength at Work

Jeremy Didier had taken her son to a psychologist for a possible ADHD evaluation when she spotted an article about women with the condition. As she read it in the waiting room, she thought to herself: They're describing me.

“Lots of risk-taking, lots of very impulsive behavior growing up,” Didier said. As the magazine described, she'd excelled in school but gotten in trouble for talking too much. She'd amassed too many speeding tickets as an adult. She turned to her husband and said, "I think I might have ADHD.”

Didier is now the board president of Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, a nonprofit advocacy and support organization. Her realization mirrors the experiences of other adults who wonder if they have ADHD after a child's diagnosis.

Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder is a neurodevelopmental condition characterized by inattention, hyperactivity or a combination of the two. Common symptoms such as trouble concentrating or sitting still can create challenges at work.

People with ADHD are often passed over for promotions, said Andrew Sylvester, a psychiatrist at UCHealth, a hospital in Longmont, Colorado. Difficulties with attention may lead the mind to drift during meetings, and cause someone to miss important discussion nuances. The disorder may interfere with organization, planning and remembering details.

Yet some adults think of having ADHD as a source of personality strengths and ways of thinking that benefit employers. Diagnostic manuals may call it a disorder, but it also can be a superpower, they said.

“Our brains work differently and so we’re more likely to be able to think outside the box and come up with different things, and sometimes that’s because we’ve had to do that in order to to survive,” Didier said.

Here are some ways to cope with and channel ADHD in the workplace.

Getting diagnosed with ADHD doesn’t always lead to a quick fix. While doctors often recommend medication and therapy, not everyone can take medication, and those routes don’t necessarily eliminate all symptoms.

Didier floundered with a messy house and lots of yelling as she and four of her five children were diagnosed with ADHD. She experimented with medicine, diets and reward charts, and discovered what helped her the most: a community of parents who had children with ADHD.

“There’s nothing like talking to other people who are going through what you’re going through to help you feel ... that you’re not alone,” she said.

Didier eventually became a social worker and now runs support groups for adults with ADHD, teaching skills they can use at work.

Some organizations have employee resource groups organized around neurodiversity to provide camaraderie and support to adults with ADHD, autism, dyslexia and other conditions.

People with ADHD often struggle with executive function, which Didier describes as “your brain’s GPS” for navigating your day. Executive function is a set of mental skills that includes making plans, managing time and flexible thinking. It also includes working memory, which helps us keep track of what we're doing.

To keep from getting derailed, experts recommend breaking large tasks into chunks, writing detailed to-do lists and taking breaks.

Personal chef Bill Collins, 66, who was diagnosed with ADHD two years ago, writes structured lists when he's making a meal for a client. He creates categories for kitchen areas — counter, stove and oven — and then lists tasks such as “chop carrots, boil water for pasta” underneath each category. Then he numbers each task so he knows exactly what to do, where and when.

“That’s how I got around my unknown ADHD early on, just making lists,” Collins said. “If it’s something I don’t want to do, I put it at the top of the list so I can be done with it."

Another technique is called “body doubling,” which involves a pair of work colleagues meeting over Zoom or in-person to focus on completing projects. The two may choose to perform separate tasks — one might build a presentation deck while the other files tax reports — but help each other stay accountable.

“You’re just sitting there during that dedicated time, getting things done,” Didier said.

Insurance company Liberty Mutual provides an AI tool that helps break down large projects into manageable tasks and provides reminders about deadlines, to help employees with ADHD stay focused and organized, said Head of Benefits Verlinda DiMarino.

Meetings can be difficult for people with ADHD if their minds drift or they feel an urge to get up out of a chair. They also may struggle with impulse control and find it hard to wait their turn to speak.

Nicole Clark, CEO of the Adult and Pediatric Institute, a mental health practice in Stuart, Florida, suggests asking for meeting topics in advance and writing up talking points. If you think of questions during the meeting, write them down.

Some employers use a voice-to-text service, projecting what a speaker is saying on a screen, which helps people with attention difficulties stay focused, Clark said.

Sylvester, the psychiatrist, recommends practicing active listening by repeating in your head what someone just said, or taking a brief time-out from a meeting to reset.

Tell them, “'I need five minutes. I’ll be right back.' Get up and walk out. Do what you need to do,” he said.

Mariel Paralitici-Morales, chief medical officer of the Adult and Pediatric Institute, who has ADHD, sits close to whoever will be speaking to help sustain attention.

“Having something in my hand helps,” said Paralitici-Morales, who sometimes holds a fidget spinner. “If we have to talk, I found it’s easier for me to be the first one and break the ice" to keep herself from second-guessing what she planned to say.

People with an ADHD diagnosis can request accommodations at work through the Americans with Disabilities Act. Noise-canceling headphones may help. Consider asking for the ability to take a break every 20 minutes, Sylvester said.

“Set a timer for five to 10 minutes. Get up and walk around. Make some coffee. Go play with the dog,” he said. “When that timer goes off, go back to a 15 to 20 minute hard productivity cycle.”

Employees can also request a flexible schedule or ability to work from home, which can enable time for therapy or self-care.

Antoinette Damico, 23, who coordinates events at an executive search firm in San Francisco, said she practices meditation, writes daily goals in a journal and stays off short-form media to improve her concentration.

Having ADHD can be an asset in the workplace, and many CEOs and entrepreneurs are neurodiverse, Didier said.

“We bring all kinds of unique talents to our workplaces. Hyper-focus, lots of energy, resilience, the ability to multitask,” she added. “There’s something about people with ADHD that seems to unmask or give us a greater capacity for creativity and innovation.”

Damico also thinks her ADHD provides some advantages. When she's interested in a topic, she can be extremely focused, reading extensively and talking about the topic nonstop, a trait others with ADHD report.

“It can generate a real passion in you that is a bit unique," she said. "It really creates this grit in me in terms of when I really want to accomplish something, there’s this boost of energy.

Why Gardening is Good for YouIf you spend your weekends toiling in the soil, you’re doing your mind and body good! In ad...
06/09/2025

Why Gardening is Good for You

If you spend your weekends toiling in the soil, you’re doing your mind and body good! In addition to reaping the benefits of eating fresh fruits and vegetables, research says that gardening supports a longer, healthier life by boosting mood, reducing stress, and lowering the risks of dementia and sleep issues.

For example, Australian researchers found that people in their 60s who tended to a garden had a 36% lower risk of developing dementia. Another study found that gardening is linked to a 42% reduced likelihood of suffering from sleep issues. Other scientists found that gardening boosts mental health while reducing stress and depression.

According to Real Simple, gardening can promote longevity and a better quality of life. Here’s how:

• Promotes exercise. The physical activity involved in digging, planting, and weeding enhances cardiovascular health, strengthens muscles, and improves overall physical fitness. Simultaneously, exposure to sunlight while gardening boosts vitamin D levels, a vital nutrient for bone health and immune function.

• Provides a sense of purpose. The act of nurturing plants fosters a sense of purpose and accomplishment, especially for older adults, which can mitigate feelings of loneliness and depression —two factors associated with decreased life expectancy. The connection with nature has been shown to lower cortisol levels, reducing stress and its harmful effects on the body.

• Improves nutrition. Growing your own fruits and vegetables helps you eat more nutrient-dense, fresh foods. Even a small herb garden can provide nutritional benefits by adding extra nutrients to your food.

• Boosts immunity. Getting dirty can actually be a good thing, notes Molly Burrets, a California-based licensed psychologist. “Soil contains beneficial bacteria, which is believed to have immune-boosting properties,” she says. One of the most fascinating discoveries about soil is the presence of Mycobacterium vaccae, a type of bacteria with immune-modulating properties. This microorganism has been linked to reduced inflammation and improved resilience against stress-related illnesses, according to research. It is sometimes referred to as the "happy bacteria" because exposure to it has been shown to boost serotonin levels, which not only improves mood but also supports immune function. It’s no wonder that gardening, with its direct interaction with soil, is increasingly recognized for its therapeutic benefits.

To maximize the benefits of gardening, consider the following tips:

• Start small: If you’re new to gardening, begin with a few pots of herbs or flowers to build confidence and enjoyment.

• Stay consistent: Regular gardening activities, even for just 30 minutes a day, can offer ongoing health benefits.

• Practice ergonomics: Use tools that are comfortable and avoid overexertion to prevent strain or injury.

• Incorporate variety: Grow a mix of vegetables, fruits, and flowers that bloom or ripen during different seasons to keep the experience engaging and rewarding.

• Engage socially: Join a community garden or gardening club to build connections while enjoying the activity.

• Take breaks: Hydrate and rest when needed, especially during hot weather, to avoid exhaustion.

(Lynn C. Allison, a Newsmax health reporter)

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