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Securely Thriving

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Nelson, BC
Securely Thriving

ADHD Family Solutions | Nelson, BC

Helping parents build connected, regulated relationships.
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Nervous-system informed • Attachment-based

Ariel-Paul Saunders, RTC, C*C, ECCE

🌿 Thriving Together parent series
📧 Free resources below

01/20/2026

Most people I work with—caregivers, partners, professionals—don't need more strategies.

They need more capacity.

By the time they're asking for help, they're already dysregulated—trying to parent, support, or lead from a nervous system that's stretched past its limits. And then they're trying to figure out how to calm down.

But regulation was never about calm.

Regulation is about capacity—the ability to stay present with what's happening, even when it's uncomfortable, loud, or emotionally charged.

Calm is a state.

Capacity is a condition.

You can be regulated and firm.

You can be regulated and tired.

You can be regulated and saying no.

What becomes impossible is de-escalating difficult moments when you are already dysregulated.

This is where so much unnecessary shame enters the picture. We mistake dysregulation for a personal flaw, when it's actually our nervous system signaling overload.

Whether you're parenting a child through a meltdown, supporting a colleague through a crisis, or leading a team through uncertainty—the challenge is the same: staying present and responsive when everything in you wants to shut down, speed up, or check out.
This is relational leadership. And it requires something most of us haven't been taught to recognize or protect: nervous system capacity.

01/16/2026

Neuroscience shows that real change does not happen in 7 days. The brain relies on deeply ingrained neural pathways built over years, and new habits initially feel uncomfortable because those pathways are weak and inefficient. Neuroscience shows that your habits are wired into deeply ingrained neural pathways, built over years, not weeks. New behaviours feel awkward and “wrong” at first because those pathways are still weak and inefficient, your brain is literally learning a new route. This early resistance is often mislabelled as failure, when in reality it’s a sign that change is happening.

Old patterns are energy‑efficient, so your brain defaults to them automatically. When you introduce a new way of thinking, feeling, or behaving, the system pushes back, not because the new habit is bad, but because it hasn’t yet been repeated enough to become the easier option. With consistent practice, neuroplasticity strengthens the new wiring and it starts to override the old default.

Psychology and neuroplasticity research are clear: patience + repetition = lasting change. Quitting when it feels uncomfortable simply re‑confirms the old wiring. Staying with small, repeatable actions gives your brain the time it needs to adapt. Progress often feels slow or invisible at first, that lag is how transformation actually works at the neural level.

As an expert with 30 years experince here are a few practical, brain‑aligned tips:
- Shrink the demand, extend the timeline
Think “90‑day rewiring,” not “9‑day miracle.” Choose habits so small they’re hard to resist (3 minutes of breathwork, 5 minutes of movement).
- Rehearse identity, not just behaviour
Ask daily: “What would the version of me who’s already living this change do in the next 10 minutes?” This links action to a new self‑image, which your brain is designed to serve.
- Expect resistance, don’t personalise it
When you feel the pull back to old habits, label it: “This is old wiring firing, not who I am now.” Then do the smallest possible version of the new habit anyway.
- Pair change with regulation
A regulated nervous system learns faster. Use slow, coherent breathing before you practise a new behaviour to calm survival circuits and make the brain more plastic.

If you commit to being consistent rather than dramatic, your brain will do the rest. The wiring will follow the ritual.

01/13/2026

Most people think that their ADHD problem is mostly a motivation issue.

I have news……it usually isn’t. Quite often, it’s down to executive function.

Executive function is the brains ability to turn intention into action.

Things like:
Planning
Starting a task
Staying with boring tasks
Managing time effectively
Regulating your emotions

It’s nothing to do with:
Intelligence
Effort
Desire

In ADHD, the Executive Function system can be developmentally delayed (up to 30% based on your age) and unreliable. You can know exactly what needs doing and still not be able to start nor finish!

So many late diagnosed folks say that they know what they need to do but just can’t do it.

It’s not about them being lazy, although that can be the feeling they’re left with. It’s about the neurological differences in their brains, slower development of the Pre Frontal Cortex etc.

So you can have the same person with the same ability but with a totally different outcome depending on the interest or urgency of the task at hand.

Understanding this doesn’t solve everything, however, the understanding does allow an individual to make better decisions and maybe to get support where they need it.
It certainly won’t solve everything but naming a problem definitely allows strategies to be put in place.

11/27/2025

There is truth to these words.

The question is, born into modern society, how do we adapt?

The right relational support, empowers us to recognize our gifts, integrate our capacities, and discover the delivery pathways that play to our strengths and put us in mutually beneficial relationship with our environment.

All we need is the right context and support to be able to give and receive in equal measure.

This grace filled expression of mutual reciprocity is the ideal we strive for. It is a thing of beauty when it exists - and a tragedy when it does not.

The greatest gift we give to each other - as mentors, as therapists, as parents, as caring, attentive human beings is to guide one another towards this blossoming.

This is my devotion and my craft, but it happens in subtle ways in all kinds of contexts. Blessings to those who give the gift of mentorship, and to those open enough to receive it.

If you are seeking support along your path, it would be an honour to walk alongside you.

Reach out with a dm, or book a call via the link in the comments below.

11/21/2025

A common misconception is people think a regulated nervous system means: calm, zen, peaceful, never stressed.

But from a polyvagal perspective? That's not regulation. That's one state.
A regulated nervous system is a FLEXIBLE one.

It can:
✨Activate when you need energy or focus (sympathetic)
✨Settle when it's time to rest (parasympathetic)
✨Connect when you feel safe (ventral vagal)
✨Protect when there's a threat (fight, flight, freeze)

And most importantly: it can MOVE between these states fluidly.🌀

Here's what this means for you:
❌ Don't judge yourself for not being calm all the time
✅ Celebrate when you can activate AND settle back down

❌ Don't think stress = dysregulation
✅ Dysregulation = getting STUCK in a state (can't come back down, can't access energy, can't feel safe)

❌ Don't aim for flatline calm
✅ Aim for nervous system flexibility, the ability to respond and recover

💥Stop aiming for constant calm. Start building nervous system flexibility.💥

10/14/2025

Rhythm & Play: The Foundation ADHD Kids Need

ADHD brains crave novelty while also feeling overwhelmed by unpredictability.

Rhythm creates safety. Predictable patterns—morning routines, transition cues, bedtime rituals—help the nervous system feel: "I know what's coming next."

Play builds connection. Shared laughter, imagination, and even silliness become bridges back to connection after stress.

Try this:
- Anchor one stressful task in something soothing (music while getting dressed, snack during homework)
- Let play be 5 minutes—no elaborate setup needed
- Reclaim one daily task as a shared ritual

Rhythm and play aren't extras. They're the medium through which safety and growth flourish.

(These principles also support any child with a sensitive nervous system or big emotions.)

Want personalized support for your family? I'm currently taking 1:1 clients. Link in bio for a free consultation.

10/07/2025

Children (and all of us!) with ADHD (and without) often experience intense emotions, big reactions, and rapid mood shifts—not because they aren't trying, but because their regulation skills are still developing.

What is often labeled as "bad behaviour" is actually a signal of nervous system overload.

Your child doesn't need fixing. They need support in returning to regulation.

In Week 3 of Thriving Together, we'll explore:
- How your calm helps your child regulate (and why that's easier said than done)
- Our own regulation patterns and what dysregulation looks like
- Practical tools for coming back to balance

You'll leave with nervous system insights, increased self-awareness, and practices to apply right away.

Series starts October 9 (this Thursday!)

Link in bio. Financial barrier-free. Childcare provided.

Address

Nelson, BC

Opening Hours

Monday	9am - 3pm
Tuesday	9am - 2pm
Wednesday	9am - 5pm
Thursday	9am - 7pm
Friday	9am - 1:30pm

Telephone

+12505090925

Website

http://securelythriving.com/, https://securelythriving.com/securely-connected, https://securelythriving.com/thrivingtoge

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