Securely Thriving

11/21/2025

A common misconception is people think a regulated nervous system means: calm, zen, peaceful, never stressed.

But from a polyvagal perspective? That's not regulation. That's one state.
A regulated nervous system is a FLEXIBLE one.

It can:
✨Activate when you need energy or focus (sympathetic)
✨Settle when it's time to rest (parasympathetic)
✨Connect when you feel safe (ventral vagal)
✨Protect when there's a threat (fight, flight, freeze)

And most importantly: it can MOVE between these states fluidly.🌀

Here's what this means for you:
❌ Don't judge yourself for not being calm all the time
✅ Celebrate when you can activate AND settle back down

❌ Don't think stress = dysregulation
✅ Dysregulation = getting STUCK in a state (can't come back down, can't access energy, can't feel safe)

❌ Don't aim for flatline calm
✅ Aim for nervous system flexibility, the ability to respond and recover

💥Stop aiming for constant calm. Start building nervous system flexibility.💥

11/21/2025

This, bang on.

A common misconception is people think a regulated nervous system means: calm, zen, peaceful, never stressed.

But from a polyvagal perspective? That's not regulation. That's one state.
A regulated nervous system is a FLEXIBLE one.

It can:
✨Activate when you need energy or focus (sympathetic)
✨Settle when it's time to rest (parasympathetic)
✨Connect when you feel safe (ventral vagal)
✨Protect when there's a threat (fight, flight, freeze)

And most importantly: it can MOVE between these states fluidly.🌀

Here's what this means for you:
❌ Don't judge yourself for not being calm all the time
✅ Celebrate when you can activate AND settle back down

❌ Don't think stress = dysregulation
✅ Dysregulation = getting STUCK in a state (can't come back down, can't access energy, can't feel safe)

❌ Don't aim for flatline calm
✅ Aim for nervous system flexibility, the ability to respond and recover

💥Stop aiming for constant calm. Start building nervous system flexibility.💥

10/31/2025

At this time of year, when the veil thins and many traditions pause to honor those who've crossed the threshold, I'm reminded: we're not just individuals struggling alone.

We're part of a lineage, carrying patterns from generations back.

Your restlessness, your freeze response, your difficulty with planning or follow-through—these might not be personal failures.

They might be nervous system adaptations your ancestors needed to survive their particular contexts: war, displacement, loss, survival mode.

This season invites us to consider our ancestors not with blame, but with curiosity: What were you carrying? What shaped you? What couldn't you quite heal before passing it on?

When we understand this, everything changes. We stop asking 'what's wrong with me?' and start asking 'what happened to us?'

This is the work I do with families navigating ADHD and individuals exploring their own relational/developmental history—understanding that what looks like an individual disorder is often an intergenerational adaptation.

More in my upcoming article: 'Why ADHD Runs in Families (And It's Not Just Genetics): Exploring the Social Element of ADHD'

🕯️ Who are you honoring this season? What patterns might you be carrying from them?

10/14/2025

Rhythm & Play: The Foundation ADHD Kids Need

ADHD brains crave novelty while also feeling overwhelmed by unpredictability.

Rhythm creates safety. Predictable patterns—morning routines, transition cues, bedtime rituals—help the nervous system feel: "I know what's coming next."

Play builds connection. Shared laughter, imagination, and even silliness become bridges back to connection after stress.

Try this:
- Anchor one stressful task in something soothing (music while getting dressed, snack during homework)
- Let play be 5 minutes—no elaborate setup needed
- Reclaim one daily task as a shared ritual

Rhythm and play aren't extras. They're the medium through which safety and growth flourish.

(These principles also support any child with a sensitive nervous system or big emotions.)

Want personalized support for your family? I'm currently taking 1:1 clients. Link in bio for a free consultation.

10/07/2025

Children (and all of us!) with ADHD (and without) often experience intense emotions, big reactions, and rapid mood shifts—not because they aren't trying, but because their regulation skills are still developing.

What is often labeled as "bad behaviour" is actually a signal of nervous system overload.

Your child doesn't need fixing. They need support in returning to regulation.

In Week 3 of Thriving Together, we'll explore:
- How your calm helps your child regulate (and why that's easier said than done)
- Our own regulation patterns and what dysregulation looks like
- Practical tools for coming back to balance

You'll leave with nervous system insights, increased self-awareness, and practices to apply right away.

Series starts October 9 (this Thursday!)

Link in bio. Financial barrier-free. Childcare provided.

10/06/2025

Rupture and repair—coming back together after conflict—isn't just normal. It's essential.

This is how children learn that relationships can bend without breaking.

For many parents, repair feels uncomfortable because it wasn't something they experienced growing up. Rupture may have led to punishment, silence, or emotional distance.

But here's what repair teaches:
→ Relationships can survive imperfection
→ You don't have to be perfect to be loved
→ Connection can be restored after tension

Try this:
- Come back later. You don't have to repair in the heat of the moment.
- Name what happened gently: "I got really frustrated, and I raised my voice. That wasn't fair to you."
- Use physical repair if words are hard. A cup of water, sitting nearby, rubbing their back can say "We're still connected."

Repair isn't a sign you've failed. It's how trust is built.

For children with ADHD—who often receive more correction than praise—repair is essential. It restores emotional balance and softens shame.

We explore this in Week 4 of Thriving Together—learning to repair with ourselves and our children.

Series starts October 9. Link in bio.

12/09/2024

Each one of us is alone in the world. It takes great courage to meet the full force of your aloneness. Most of the activity in society is subconsciously designed to quell the voice crying in the wilderness within you. The mystic Thomas a Kempis said that when you go out into the world, you return having lost some of yourself. Until you learn to inhabit your aloneness, the lonely distraction and noise of society will seduce you into false belonging, with which you will only become empty and weary. When you face your aloneness, something begins to happen. Gradually, the sense of bleakness changes into a sense of true belonging. This is a slow and open-ended transition but it is utterly vital in order to come into rhythm with your own individuality. In a sense this is the endless task of finding your true home within your life. It is not narcissistic, for as soon as you rest in the house of your own heart, doors and windows begin to open outwards to the world. No longer on the run from your aloneness, your connections with others become real and creative. You no longer need to covertly scrape affirmation from others or from projects outside yourself. This is slow work; it takes years to bring your mind home.
JOHN O'DONOHUE
Excerpt from the book, Eternal Echoes
Photos from Pend Oreille River Ranch, Salmo, BC. Boys Nature Camp 2024.

This is my work at the moment. It feels so good to land this truth!