02/12/2026
Before you say ‘both sides are boundaries’, I invite you to hear me out. A boundary is about communicating your needs and limits in a way that prioritizes your well-being. On the other hand, statements that attempt to dictate what someone else should or shouldn’t do can be ineffective, as they shift the focus away from your own agency and onto controlling the other person’s actions “Stop asking me personal questions” or “Don’t call me when I’m at work” are framed as commands. While they may seem clear, they place the responsibility for change on the other person, which often leads to defensiveness
People don’t like feeling controlled, and these statements come across as attempts to dictate their behavior. This approach makes it harder to maintain a respectful relationship dynamic
In contrast, boundaries that focus on your actions and choices are far more effective. So, instead of saying,
“Stop asking me personal questions,” you could say, “I’m not ready to talk about this yet, it’s too personal.” This statement shifts the focus to your own feelings and needs. Similarly, “I can’t answer your calls during work hours because I lose focus” is much more effective than “Don’t call me when I’m at work.” These statements clarify what you will or won’t do, rather than telling the other person what they must do. This approach feels less like a demand and more like an expression of self-respect, which increases the likelihood that others will respect it too
If you’re not particularly concerned about the relationship, then sure, you might use statements like the ones on the left. Plus, some people take politeness for granted and need to be communicated with more harshly so these statements may be better. If you do care about the relationship or want to be mindful of the other person’s feelings, it doesn’t take much more effort to communicate your boundary in a kinder, more respectful tone. This approach still gets your message across, but it also lowers the chances of backlash or misunderstanding
Reposting this older post because we can all use a reminder on boundaries every now and then 😌
Take care of your mind and body. Love, Nawal ♥️
