04/04/2021
I haven’t posted for a while.
Not that I haven’t been thinking about it.
I’ve written so many posts in my head that never made it to anywhere beyond.
Same for my farm page, and my soap page.
I won’t even begin to quote the poems that never made it to paper.
So much has happened through this pandemic.
There’s so much information out there, information that changes daily.
As physicians, we can barely keep up with it all, and I know you’re relying on us to keep up with it all.
Please trust that we’re doing our best.
I know many of you are trying to keep up as well. I am grateful for your efforts.
And I am forever grateful to the anchors of our Newburgh clinic
(we all know who they are, right?!).
They keep us afloat. They smile through it all.
When this pandemic is over, we will all owe them the biggest hugs!!
So…
Here’s my offering for today, a culmination of my thoughts over the past several months, inspired by a question from a patient when I tried to explain my balance of work and home/farm life.
“Which is the hobby” they asked, “the farm or the medical practice?”...
Nobody had ever asked me that before.
In the moment, I didn’t know how to answer.
So, after pondering a bit, here’s my best answer…
Generally, I farm in the mornings and doctor in the afternoons/evenings,
These days, I come back home to my farm at sunset, in time for evening chores.
The lines are often blurred from either side.
Breakfast (brunch) and dinner are often spent at my computer, looking at lab reports, researching the latest covid updates, etc.
Late nights are a free-for all. There's likely music in there somewhere.
Weekends can be a stretch goal between morning and evening, farmer and physician, often a little bit of everything.
Both are a privilege for which I am grateful.
The potential for joy or grief accompanies me always.
My farm is my happy place where it’s just me and my critters and my family.
And the seasons.
The sun or the clouds, snow or rain, mud, wind…
maybe a brilliant blue sky, or breathtaking stars…
and always, my pager.
My farm keeps me grounded.
It feeds me. It feeds my family and my community.
My farm nurtures me physically and emotionally.
It allows me to find the energy to give back to my community as a doctor.
The clinic is where I can step off my farm to nurture my greater community.
The clinic is where I feel like I can make a different kind of contribution to my community.
It feels like our space, a space that connects us to a world beyond differences, a world where we can celebrate everything we have in common.
Honestly, I don’t think I could do one without the other right now.
There are so many war analogies out there, I know, but I do feel like I’m reporting from the trenches, even though our local numbers are good. (I have colleagues working in the thick of it and honestly I can barely imagine...).
I know my Newburgh Clinic Beloveds are feeling the same.
Extra meetings, extra shifts at the Covid Clinics or the Mass Immunization Clinics…
The mountains of paperwork, phone calls, messages…
Overwhelming anxiety at times.
Trying to support each other…
Grieving friends/colleagues who have been lost…
It’s a lot.
Mental health issues have skyrocketed through this pandemic, in all age groups.
Not a day goes by when I’m not counselling someone about self-care.
Su***de rates are alarming.
It seems not a week goes by when I’m not talking someone down off the bridge.
It’s true that medical care is redefining itself through necessity, and thanks to all who are patient as we navigate these uncharted waters.
Please know that we are all doing our best.
For me, part of my best means celebrating the part of me that is a farmer.
I couldn’t be the physician that I am without the balance of my farm.
Morning and evening chores are the bookends that keep me upright.
My critters, their simple needs, the connection with the land…
That’s what energises me.
It’s what allows me the time to reflect on my day and how I might be of better service to those of you in my care.
And I couldn't be the farmer that I am without the balance of everything that my patients bring to me.
My farm keeps me grounded but you keep me connected.
And between my farm and my practice... I can stay focussed.
I need to practice the self-care that I preach.
‘Me’ needs to come first at the start of the day.
‘Me’ needs to come first at the end of the day.
Morning and evening chores and the critters that rely on me for food and water, a bit of loving and a bit of fun,
but always, before I head out the door…
a slap of my back pocket to make sure I’ve got my pager with me in case a palliative patient needs me to jump into action.
Grounded, connected, focussed...
Relationships.
I hope you who are reading can read this with the honesty with which it was written.
I am grateful for all you have done to keep our numbers low.
I cross my fingers that we will be able to get the vaccine out to as many as possible as quickly as possible. These vaccines will be the game-changers, and I know we all desperately want the rules of this game to change.
In the meantime, thanks for reading,
Thanks for doing your part.
Please look after yourself and each other.
We all need to be part of that community that supports each other.
Please reach out if you need support.
And thanks for the privilege of inviting me into your lives,
Stay grounded.
Stay connected.
Stay focussed.
With warm and sincere wishes,
Dr. Kate
