01/19/2026
As we come out of a season that is overflowing with expectations, I have been reflecting on my internalized sense of responsibility for creating the perfect holiday season.
My favourite Christmas ever was a couple of years ago when my family of 5 were fortunate enough to spend December in Hawaii. (Thankyou home exchanges and flight points).
On Dec 25th, we sat in our tiny apartment eating pancakes out of a box for breakfast, the kids had some tiny, unwrapped presents, we spent the afternoon at a beach, and we huddled around our laptop to watch Elf as we ate left over Chinese takeout for dinner. It was entirely counter cultural to our ‘normal’ experience of Christmas.
I felt zero resentment. I felt zero guilt.
I am learning that, for many people - myself included - it is easier to tolerate feelings of resentment than feelings of guilt. It is easier to shut off parts of who we our, our authentic selves, and deny the things we really want to maintain attachment with those around us. It is harder to risk saying what we want and being authentic because the guilt we feel of taking up space or saying no to meeting someone else’s need is too hard.
But over time, resentment can build to the point where it starts to overflow into anger and bitterness.
Tolerating our own guilt is part of learning to re-discover ourselves. It is about figuring out what makes us who we are. It is about taking risks. It is about setting boundaries so that we can be in relationships without bubbling anger under the surface.
In theory, processing our guilt should lead to healthier relationships.
Resentment feels easier because the focus is on another persons actions.
Guilt sucks because the focus is on us.
BUT… because guilt reflects a problem we have with ourselves, we have control.
And unpacking it all… well… where would you like to start…? ;)
