Mileva Psychotherapy

03/09/2024

Just got this memory on Facebook. I look happy and relaxed after a major haircut right? 💇‍♀️

That couldn't be further from the truth. 🥺

We were 3 years into our fertility journey and had just received some terrible news regarding the cause. I was an anxious wreck and sat at the hairstylist with my husband.. willing myself (white knuckling as my therapist calls it) not to have a panic attack.

I was down to my lowest weight because I was too anxious to feel hungry, and I could barely leave the house. It was an extremely painful time. I didn't even care about the haircut itself and losing 12 inches of hair, I just wanted or maybe needed a change...

Just a reminder that there may be more to the story behind a photo and that no matter what is going on there are brighter days ahead! 🌞

If you need support please reach out!

01/29/2024

Okay, I realize I said I would be posting a lot more and then went MIA immediately! 🐾🐾

Well here is the reason!

We got a new goldendoodle puppy called Socrates (Socks). He's been with us for about 2 weeks now, and he is an awesome addition to our family 🐕 He's been keeping me company when I see clients and generally been going to most places with me!

The idea is for him to be a therapy dog when he's older, so I will be posting some updates about this little goofball once in a while. Let me know if you'd like to see updates about him, or if you have any questions 😁

10/24/2023

I'm excited to share something I've been working on for a little while now. 😊

Are you struggling with your fertility journey? Are you hoping to get some insight into what to expect during this time? The experience of trying to conceive (whether naturally or with assisted reproductive technologies) can be such an emotional rollercoaster.

I invite you to the FREE workshop:
🌸 Your Fertility Journey: Safeguarding Your Emotional Wellbeing. 🌸

In the workshop we will discuss the connection between fertility and mental health as well as common emotional challenges. The workshop will offer a judgement free, cozy, and relaxed atmosphere where those who would like to share can feel free.

Workshop Details:

📅 Date & Time: Wednesday November 22nd, 7:30-8:30pm followed by a Q and A period

📍 Location: Virtual, Link will be shared with those who register

Spots are limited so please Register Here: info@milevapsychotherapy.com

Let's have an open conversation about the emotional aspects of your journey. Your experiences are valued, and I'm here to support you.🌸

Please send this to and share it with anyone who you think may benefit!

Warm, friendly, enthusiastic psychotherapist

10/09/2023

Infertility and pregnancy loss are so difficult to navigate.💔 Take all the time you need to grieve and feel what you feel. Everyone grieves differently, so don't let the world/social media tell you how to do it if it doesn't feel right.

I see you, and I'm here for you if you'd like support.

09/08/2023

Had a wonderful time supporting a good cause (Queensway Carleton Hospital) and networking with amazing people! Spreading the word about perinatal mental health as much as I can!

06/14/2023

It's Okay to NOT be Okay!

06/08/2023

I like how simple yet all encompassing this quote is.

It's from the book "Not Pregnant: A companion for the Emotional Journey of Infertility" by Cathie Quillet.

It really spoke to me and I hope it may speak to you to.

To let you know that it's normal to feel all the feelings associated with infertility: sadness, grief, depression, anxiety, anger, resentment, the list goes on.

Infertility is not just the inability to become pregnant after 12 months of trying, it's so much more than that.

Rest and support are key during the fertility journey.

05/21/2023

This is me holding my IDENTICAL TWIN SISTER'S newborn son (aka my nephew) in 2014. My husband and I had already been trying to conceive for 2 years (in our 5 year journey)... meanwhile my sister and her partner got pregnant on their first try.

To be candid, when I got the news she was pregnant, I was devastated.

The jealousy and sense of unfairness was so strong that I called two amazing friends and we went to coffee where I proceeded to cry for over 2 hours (it was on a patio and I was getting concerned looks from people passing by the whole time).

I felt so guilty for feeling so jealous, sad, and angry. THIS WAS MY TWIN SISTER! I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE NOTHING BUT HAPPY!!

When she gave birth, we went to visit, and while it was wonderful to see my nephew, it was also so difficult for me. Wanting something so bad, and not being able to have it. At this point I had dropped to under 100lbs (stress makes it very hard for me to eat) and was having major issues with anxiety and panic attacks.

Sorry for the potato quality photo but I believe I can see the sadness in my eyes while this tiny being slept on me.

Many of my fertility clients tell me they feel so triggered, or activated, when they see newborns, pregnant people, ultrasounds, or people with more than one child. They feel angry that they can't even have one.

This is the crux of what we call reproductive trauma.

It can change your whole world view.

We've always been taught that if you're a good person and try hard enough, good things will come your way. So, what happens when you are a good person, and you try really hard and things don't work out? Often, our self-esteem, our sense of self, and our sense of how we see the world crumble.

This can spiral into anxiety and depression and a profound sense of loss.

If you are feeling any of the things I described above, I want you to know, I understand.

I am here if you need support.

05/14/2023

Mother's day can be such a hard occasion for those of us struggling with infertility, pregnancy loss, a poor relationship with our own mothers.

Often, we see a friend post a picture of an ultrasound, a baby bump or of a new born and there is such a rush of jealousy.

Thoughts like "why can't this be me?", "why do they have it so easy?", "why is life so unfair?" pop in to torment us.

Immediately followed by guilt that we can't feel truly happy for our friends or family members.

This cycle is especially strong during Mother's day where images of smiling babies and loving mothers flood social media.

If you do have young children, Mother's Day can feel daunting and overwhelming. Sometimes we don't want to be mothers, just for a day. Sometimes we look at our childfree friends and wish for a moment we had our own lives and identities back before we had children.

I want you to know, I see you.

04/29/2023

Meet Astrid.

Formerly Daisy, Toothless, and Piper before we re-named her - she's our rescue pup. 🐺 We don't know exactly what mix she is but German Shephard and Border Collie seems like a good bet?

We got her when she was 7 months - during year 2 of our 5-year fertility struggle.

Many people had suggested we get a dog and that children would miraculously happen for us (not the case). It would be awesome if it worked like that eh?

I had hoped she would take my mind off the whole fertility journey, and be a wonderful companion! I'd be lying if I said it was all rainbows and sunshine. 🌈 The first year was HARD.

She was a land shark 🦈 since she had never been trained not to nip, she was (and still is) reactive and aggressive with other dogs so walking her is a nightmare. She's not big into snuggling - you can tell she's not impressed and looks like she's under duress in the photos of us snuggling 😂 😂

On the other hand, she's a constant presence in our home, always happy to see and play with us, she's wonderful with the kids, and she gives so much love to the whole family.

We've had her for 9 years now, and I can only hope we get another few ❤️

I like to say that while I got her as a 'therapy dog' for me, I ended up being her 'therapy human'. We both needed each other 😊

Please share if you have any pets who have made an impact on your journey to where you are today!

04/25/2023

Some behind-the-scenes shots of my 'set up' where I see clients (and learn lots of interesting stuff via reading and training)! 🤗

Note the 'zoom pants' and slippers - why not be comfy while you work?!

Some of the calming things I have on my shelf - almost all are fake succulents since I tend to love them too much. 🌵🌵

I would love to get some more colour on the shelf so if you have a suggestion please let me know!!

I'm thinking... Mini orchid (but I may over-love it)....

Finally, a collection of some of the books I use to inform my approach to therapy! 🤓📕 If you have any questions, ask away!

04/24/2023

Join me in Ottawa on May 3rd at 8:30am to help support Perinatal Mental Health!

Resources during the perinatal period are lacking around Canada, this is our chance to help make that a thing of the past!

I'll be taking part in Flora's walk this year. Please donate using the QR code (75% of the money raised goes directly to advocacy chapters while the other 25% goes to training and initiatives) :D

04/20/2023

Today I thought I could give you some more vulnerability and share what I wanted to be when I was a kid.

Yep, that’s me as an infant/1st grader with my twin sister… Sorry - We don’t know who is who! 👯

Side note: I wasn’t born in the early 1900’s… but communist Bulgaria didn’t have the most advanced cameras!📷

I can only imagine how hard it was for my mom (more on the hardships of early parenthood in a later post).

Anyway, back to sharing. We often hear people say “I knew I wanted to be [insert profession here] since before I could talk”! But that wasn’t the case for me. I was content to just play video games 🎮 with my sisters and chill out with friends.

Not to say that I wasn’t worried about the future – HI ANXIETY! But that’s why I let life lead me in a certain direction and as it did, I started to figure out what I DIDN’T want in a job…. Microscopes…. Sacrificing animals….. being all alone….. not interacting with people….

Over time, it helped me realize that what I really wanted to do was to talk to people. REALLY HEAR THEIR STORIES, get to know them, support them.

The more I talked to colleagues, friends, and mentors the more by path became clearer - a degree in psychotherapy (Counselling Psychology to use the proper degree term) was for me.

I am so excited to hear your story!

04/18/2023

A lot of people ask me why I decided to become a psychotherapist.

Apart from the fact that I am a huge proponent of lifelong learning (I’ve been in post-secondary school for over 20 years), I really want to help individuals thrive in their day to day lives – it excites and inspires me.

I know that probably sounds like the cliché “I just want to help people” but I’m going to embrace it! 😊

A brief introduction to how I got here goes something like this: after my undergrad in Biology, I had no idea what I wanted to do – hands up if you felt that way too after your undergrad? The easiest thing for me was to do a Master’s in biology so I just went with it.

This involved probing weakly electric fish brains with tiny glass pipettes! 🐟

After finishing that, and realizing I still had no idea what I wanted to do but armed with the knowledge I did not want to be stuck behind a microscope for 8 hours a day, I continued to a PhD in Psychology where I hoped to work with HUMANS.

Alas, the funding gods were not on my side, and I ended up working on rats for 6 years. 🐁

These were not the most rewarding years of my life as I always felt like I was missing the human component. The times I would get to mentor graduate students, help colleagues, train other students, or teach undergraduate courses, were the times I felt I was thriving, the actual research was secondary…

While all this was going on, my husband and I had embarked on the journey to become parents. We were in our late 20’s it would be easy for us, right?

Little did we know it would take a grueling 5 years and intensive IVF to make that possible. Many months were spent with crippling anxiety, tears, and a fear that we would never become parents.

We were lucky that eventually we had 2 children, but that does not erase the grief and trauma of those 5 years (more on this on a later blog post)!

Back to the question of why I became a psychotherapist – because I really wanted to help others who are struggling. No matter if it’s an unsatisfying job, fertility journey, or difficult postpartum period, we all need support - I’ve been in therapy on and off for the last 20 years!

04/17/2023

Thank you for following my business page - Mileva Psychotherapy!

My aim is to post things of interest to do with Psychotherapy that may be helpful for you!

Please don't hesitate to reach out if you would like to chat directly! :D