Cerebellum Counselling & Psychotherapy

01/26/2026

The secret to a good life, is knowing life is happening for you, not to you.

12/03/2025

Each attachment style has a different way of reaching for connection, especially when things feel tense. Anxious attachment sounds like "Are you really there for me" because deep down it fears being left alone with big feelings, and no one will be there for you. It looks like checking, questioning, and trying to close the distance quickly so the relationship feels safe again.

Avoidant attachment is often misunderstood. It is not about not caring, its about the fear it brings up when asked to have closeness. It is about losing a sense of self when emotions get intense. When closeness feels overwhelming, avoidant partners cannot find their own internal grounding, so they pull back to feel steady again, often leading to a search for flaws in their partner to explain why they are having this emotional experience, confirming the need for distance to feel regulated again. It can look like distance, but underneath it is a fear of being engulfed, not a lack of love.

Disorganized attachment carries both longings and fears at the same time. Come close feels comforting, and go away feels protective. The push pull is the nervous system trying to manage two opposite survival strategies at once.

Secure attachment says I am right here and you are right there. It is the calm confidence that we can stay connected without losing ourselves, even when things feel hard, even at times of disagreement or conflict. It is independence and closeness working together instead of competing.

Regardless of which insecure attachment style we have, and in spite of the roots of this being learned as young children- through therapy, and practice with your partner, you can begin to heal old emotional wounds, becoming more Secure, and having relationships filled with love, trust, and closeness.

10/29/2024

"ARE YOU WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?

During a seminar, a woman asked, "How do I know if I am with the right person?"

The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, “It depends. Is that your partner?”
In all seriousness, she answered “How did you know?”
“Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind.” replied the author.

Here’s the answer:

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love.

People in love sometimes say, I was swept of my feet. Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It’s a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, “Am I with the right person?” And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone
else. This is when relationships breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the person you found.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this)

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the Person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.
Love is therefore a DECISION."

Seeking counselling from a counsellor trained in Gottman therapy, or EFCT could help

10/10/2024

Past trauma, your parents relationship, your experiences with the opposite gender, and other factors can impact your view on what faithfulness is in a relationship- affecting the quality, and longevity of your relationships.

10/01/2024

05/27/2024

Situations in life work out, or they don't....both are a win. You are either happy with what's in your life, or, you can learn from the experience.

04/18/2024

If you change the way you think, you will change the way you feel; if you change the way you feel, you will change your life.
Change is possible.