09/07/2018
MY MISCARRIAGE
Okay everyone! If you've ever tried to get pregnant, you'll most likely know the feeling of excitement as you get a positive when you p*e on that stick!
Within a couple months of trying (6 days before my missed period) I snuck up the stairs and woke Matt up to show him the faintest little line. He smiled and said "Leah I don't even see it, let's wait until your actual missed period and do it again to be sure." Of course the next day, I did the same thing but this time he laughed and said, "OK, I definitely see it today too" and gave me a big hug. I was so excited! I don't keep my secrets well so within a couple of days I had told my entire family, some of my really close friends and my two bosses at work. Matt and I started talking about names and getting excited for my baby bump and/or what my body was going to look like pregnant. At 9 weeks, I was feeling great and was so eager to hear my baby's heart rate for the first time. I was so uncomfortable holding my p*e in but I didn't care! That is, until the ultrasound technician alluded to a miscarriage and said, "you need to speak with your family doctor". I was distraught. I called my husband and messaged all the people I had originally told. It was a really bad day..
What I noticed in those moments of sending and receiving messages was how supported I felt. Many people said "I'm sorry for your loss - please let me know if you need anything", showing heartfelt sadness and emotions for me. A couple of people stand out as being huge supports for me during this time. It wasn't necessarily those who had gone through a miscarriage themselves; it was friends and family that put themselves in a vulnerable position and asked me intimate questions: "How are you feeling physically?", "What did the doctor say?". It was definitely out of their comfort zone to ask. With that vulnerability, I was able to truly connect with my emotions and work through them with these people. To those (you know who you are) - thank you so much.
I went for a follow up ultrasound to be 100% sure. My family doctor and OB/Gyn we're amazing and helped me work through some hard choices of how to proceed and move forward. In the end, I chose to have a D&C (dilation and curretage) which is a surgical procedure that dilates your cervix and removes part of the lining and/or contents of the uterus. My OB/Gyn was compassionate and held my hand as I went under anesthetic. (The picture above shows Matt and I in the waiting room squeezing ourselves into a bariatric chair so we could snuggle close together and try to have some laughs together as we waited on that awful day).
Although the healing after my procedure went as well as you could hope, I did notice that my core and pelvic floor were affected for a couple of weeks. Anytime I tried to cue my core and floor, I felt bloated and had discomfort in my lower abdomen. I chose to skip a week of ultimate Frisbee as I did not feel that my core was supporting me as well as it should. This lasted a short time and I was able to resume activity within 2 weeks.
Things I've learned from a miscarriage:
- I do not regret telling my entire inner circle that I was pregnant.
- Talk about it! Ensure you only tell people you know will be supportive.
- When someone is mourning a loss, make yourself vulnerable and ask how they are doing. Don't be afraid to say the wrong thing - I'm sure they'd really appreciate talking to you.
- This is an emotional time for men too so ask how they are doing as well. My best hugs of love and support during this time were men in my life.
- Seek social support and/or counseling as there are so many options out there.
- All types of abdominal surgery (no matter how "minimally invasive") can have an effect on the pelvic floor/core.
