11/22/2025
People ask “what happened?” when you break a bone because it feels safe.
It’s a story with a clear beginning, middle, and end. Something went wrong, it hurt, you got treatment, and you’re recovering. There’s no emotional risk for the person asking.
But when it comes to losing a loved one—especially to something as devastating and complicated as su***de—people suddenly go quiet. Not because they don’t care.
Most of the time, it’s because they’re afraid.
Afraid of hurting you.
Afraid of saying the wrong thing.
Afraid of their own discomfort with grief, pain, and the truth that life can change in one breath.
I know throughout my life, particularly in my younger years, I made many mistakes in what I did or didn’t say to friends or family who were trying to process the loss of a loved one, especially when people I knew lost someone to su***de.
Lord knows I’ve had my share of losses in my life…my husband was the 15th person in my life to die by su***de (for starters)…so I have become fully aware of what to say, and what not to say (most of the time) to those who are grieving. And even after all this time, I can still trip over my tongue while trying to say or do the right thing. Of course, it depends on the person, how well you know them and the loss they’ve experienced. No one is an expert in this area, but we all do the best we can.
What they don’t realize is that their silence can feel just as painful as the loss itself.
Because sometimes, all a grieving person wants is for someone to gently ask,
“Do you want to tell me what happened?”
Not to pry, but to sit beside us in the story we never wanted to carry alone.
Grief doesn’t get lighter when ignored.
But it does get softer when someone is willing to listen.
Talking about it really is some of the best therapy you can do for yourself, as difficult as it may seem. Keeping your feelings bottled inside can make you feel more isolated and alone. Talking about it can help, even in a small way, to make sense of things and to figure out where to go from here. If people don’t ask, try to muster up the courage to ask someone you trust if they would be willing to sit with you while you relate your story. I hope you try. ❤️
-Joey-
