Be the peace in the storm

06/10/2023

Never got my 130$ I get on the 10th I am curesed I tell ya. It's my 31st Birthday today. Don't even wanna get out of bed today. Don't even wanna cry I cried too much yesterday. My body hurts so much. Lay here in my numbness. Universe just take it all. I am ready too die. Just know I tried my best and fought the whole way. I loved so hard but everyone left anyway. I am sorry. I am sorry I couldn't be good enough for life for love. Fade away into nothingness. I tired.

03/31/2023

03/31/2023

I will not be hushed. I will not be quite. I will not be silenced. I see the blood shed. I hear the wars. I feel the pain.. You will not see me with your eyes. You will not hear me with your ears. You will feel me with your hearts.. the pain . The sorrow the darkness.. You will think of me in your insecurities. I am not a screen.. I am not to be looked upon. I am not flesh. I am not humility. I am the power. You may hide you may weep. Your heart shattered. Nothing else can be taken. Rock bottom. Look at me and swipe. I am here. For thos lost and forgotten past open. We. Are. Here. & Here. We. Are. Let your burdens be your glory.

02/18/2023

Hey. :) Hey ..yeah you... I care. You matter. Your soul. Please.. drop the razor drop the dope drop the smoke drop the drink drop the knife drop the blade drope everything that's causing you pain. You matter. I am sorry your hurting so much. I wish I could take away some of your pain. But WE WILL get thro this. A part of yourself does everytime you hurt. Been stabbed in the back. Been lied too. Been hit. I won't be held down. Please hold on. Tomorrow is a new brand new day with every sun rise. I am here. With every sleepless night. I am here. I will be the voice too the unspoken. I feel you. I too have scars of the past. Please it won't help. Don't hurt your self more cuz you can't justify your own feelings the feelings you feel too the pain the darkness the cloud the smoke the smothered the grey the depression is so hard too see threw in the moment. YOU MATTER. WE MATTER.

10/22/2022

I hate how alone people are. I hate how much people we have lost. I hate how much pain there is on the world. I hate the word hate cuz it's not just a word. It's not just a regular feeling. There's alot of sad grief pain deception misery troubles stress anxiety problems upon problems. I hate that hate isint taken as harsh as it should be. I hate that I have too be. I hate that I... I hate that.. I hate......

10/19/2022

I am goals ambitions drive and thrive. Noticed strong independent. Try tell me something when I made up my mine. Stubborn asf loyal faithful honest and true. My smile makes people look twice that's not the only curve. I am a mother. I am good. I am kind. I am compassionate. I am stressful. I am overwhelming. I am anxious. I am good I am bad. I am lazy or over stimulated. I think too much. I care too much. Or I don't care at all. I can don't give a F so fast you have Whiplash. I come from deep trauma and abuse. Struggle is real but I am real. I am a female mother of two sons. Raising little men. It's not about you or I when it comes the the next gen. The next step. Past can haunt us all we want. Continuance continue do the same thing over and over and expect different results well that's life. Wake up every morning ok today's gunna be different happier. Or Naw not today today's a bad day. We are allowed bad days. We are allowed mistakes. But don't give up. I have so much pain bottled inside. FB is my only truly one thing where I can vent. And I hold back cuz people say why you put your life on FB for all too see. Last time I checked I only got less than 100 people on my page. Last I checked noones listening anyway. Last I checked I have a voice and tired of nothing being real anymore. I am real. I am human. I am female. I am mother. I am life. But I am also. I am an addict. I am a survivor. I am a mental case. I am me. I love hard but I can hate harder. I can hate but that gets noone nowhere. And I plan on seeing my dreams come true.

09/10/2022

I am just shaking after my last vent on FB. I fu***ng hate this country land of the free my ass. No justice no peace come here too feel anxious and fear.
I speak cuz I hear nothing.
I scream but noone hears a thing.
Love is hate and war is business.
Let us all fade too nothingness.
You lie, you cheat, you steal, you repeat.
Nothing I speak not a thing.
How many lives lost..
How many children buried..
Noone hears a thing.
I hate cuz I hurt. I hurt cuz I hate.
You speak. Noone hears a thing...

09/10/2022

I love how the news just answers the most bottom line questions and then everyone's like ok. And forgets about it. Like I don't give a fu..fudge where the vehicle was located...what about... What were these suspects doing months prior too the day... What made someone explode like that?? Oh he hurt people in the past?? Oh more than once? Ok.. charge him... Ok.. so can I go kick the s**t out of someone and get off free.. oh. Let's try murder a person and get set free... Oh I was drunk high tired emotional every excuse in the book... Yeah I'll do six months.. three months.. a year.. that doesn't change the underlying issue... I am so mad angry upset broken hurt vulnerable.. everyone's the victim. Noone wants too admit and accept.. but we who lost are just supposed too accept and move on?.?.. I was admitted too p.a psych ward spent months in there. Cuz humanity couldn't handle me.. our children and woman are going missing but eventually everyone shuts up and burys it... How many of us have lost? How many of us are victims? How many bad guys?? Thos people that are hurting others first sign lock em up. I hurt myself and I got locked up for months. I am older now... I got the scars too prove it... A lifetime of hurt and pain and neglect nothing but test after trial.. I almost hate my faith... But yet I hold on too that last bit of good hope faith. Something has got to change.. all the technology in the world but can't keep our neighbors safe our loved ones safe our family safe. I don't know you. But I care because noone else does. I love you. You are perfect. Live your life to YOUR happiness... Cuz noone chooses this...

08/05/2022

Live today like you'll die tomorrow. I am already on borrowed time. It's only a matter of time. I wanna reach out too more people like me who struggle with addiction but still trying too better themselves. We are only human. Sometimes it's just too much and I rather meet someone and chat then here about their death. I am here for all this broken and hurt and have no will left. Let me be the sunshine on your rainbow or the sun too your rain. I need too calm my darkness and helping people is my calling. I crawled out so can you

07/16/2022

This girl on the street she's bleeding. Two young girls. One has 13$ one has 8$. Heading too unkles gorge.....
Girl on the street
This girl on the street.. she's bleeding..
Can't see straight.. She keeps on breathing..
She knows it all.. bold & with a purpose.
She's just the girl on the street..
Nothing is focus.. everything's a blur.
Broken hearted and the world's asleep...
Just keep breathing.
Everyone bleeding.
Don't be the girl on the street.

07/10/2022

Goodnight mom and dad. Thank you for helping me threw some of the hardest times of my life. I always can count on you. If it wasn't for yous I would have literally been on the streets for year. Thank you. God sees you. He sees me. I am good. You are good. That is enough. Leave the judgement up too God. He is created of all. He is the all mighty one. Father son and the holy spirit guide us threw these trying times. He walked with moses and David and Noah Rhab the pr******te. We are not alone and have the sword of the all mighty. His strength threw his love and strength and grace we will survive. Do no evil. We are only human. One sin above many. Ten commandments follow but just even in the bible if you wear different kind of threads it's says you have sinned. All have come short of the glory of God. Threw Jesus who forgives and helps and lived as a peasant. We all are slaves too the earthy bonds. Believe in something higher than your self or Jesus. Jesus did not deserve his pain. Nether do you. Try hard is all we can do. Do good. Don't lie. Don't steal. Don't murder. Don't sleep with whoever look at whoever have your one soul connection. This is you. We are human. We all bleed red. I will not bow. Until his holy name comes with trumpets and saves us all. Our children be innocent and our cups be full. Life the life God set for YOU and only you.

07/07/2022

Eat my soul? Nah. The curly crumbs pieces of broken pain was once something so beautiful. Wear your suffering as war paint. Nothing can break what's already broken. Seal it up and build stronger. Keep trying. Don't give up or give in. Your stronger than you think. Your not alone. The darkness let it consume but not break. Your gold scars shine bright. Your pain experience let it flow.

07/07/2022

You get alot of crap from the world don't be the garbage dump. Use it and make something better. Put that hurt pain sadness emotion into art. Noones gunna dump on me. Work hard play harder. Do what you love. Sand paint till your fingers bleed. Don't hate. Put out good no matter what. Anger frustration motivate use build create learn enjoy breathe.

06/14/2022

06/14/2022

I am both the storm and the peace in the storm. Beginning and ending it all is in definitely.