05/01/2026
Almost 11 years ago, we decided that marriage could wait, but we were ready to start a family, with a promise that we were going to do this life together. He didn’t believe me at first, just weeks later, when I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. We moved, and then the universe moved, and before we knew it, we had relocated cities to lay down roots, and not long after that, we had a newborn baby in our arms. Becoming a mother changed me, and it wasn’t long before our relationship started to change, too. I didn’t know it at the time, but becoming a mother activated some very wounded parts within me. It took a long time, and a lot of self-judgment, to understand why I was so afraid, and why my heart felt so closed. I spent years in a chronic stress loop, trying to fix my perceived brokenness, and eventually developed an autoimmune disease. On the outside, it looked like I was doing well, but on the inside, I was in a constant war with myself. What I’ve come to understand, in my own experience, is that becoming a parent didn’t just bring me into relationship with my child, it also brought me into relationship with the child within me. And when that part of me was hurting, I would do almost anything to avoid feeling it. Old patterns around safety, connection, and protection began to surface, and at times, I felt deeply isolated, helpless, and confused. Only recently have I discovered the tools that truly work for me, to regulate my sweet nervous system, so I can become aware of the emotional conflict within me, and turn with compassion toward my precious, wounded parts. Toward my body, my vessel, my vehicle for experiencing life. Toward my husband, my glorious, beautiful, pure, and devoted partner. It’s been an immense journey of highs and lows, and through it all, I am grateful beyond words for what this experience has given me. Parenting and partnership have challenged me in ways I never could have seen coming. But the gift in that is this: I have been meeting the deepest parts of myself, and I am learning to mother them, too. I am returning to my true self, who I love so dearly, and it’s because of this journey that I am finally coming home. ❤️
