07/26/2025
6 years ago when I moved in here, life was quite different. I was different; someone I would not recognize today.
At the time, I was pregnant with my little Appleseed (who we wouldnโt find out about for another month + would have to say goodbye to soon afterward) + in love with a man who never planned to stay. I was still an addict, about 80lbs heavier, drowning at work and in life, + very, very sick.
This home held space for great love and a lot of loss.. as I write this I realize that this was the last place Lily was and I am overcome with grief at the thought of leaving. But, I carry her with me wherever I go.. she lives in me.
Not only did I lose her here, but I lost myself too. Many times. Sometimes in others, sometimes in my addictions, + sometimes in the constructions + constraints of society. And a few times, I died here.. held by these walls + on this floor.. I shattered to pieces, dissolved into darkness, + more recently was consumed by flames. And then.. I was reborn.
This home held space for the survival of a global pandemic, 2 stress leaves from a career that I was convinced I would need to walk away from to save my life, + 6 months living with my best friend - who brought so much laughter to this house that her absence was felt deeply when she returned to the UK.
This house became a home. A place I included in my gratitude reflections every single night. A place I could feel safe to explore the depths of my Self and home to my Self, again + again + again.
I remember telling myself when I moved in that this would be the final stop before finding my own home - that the next place I lived would be one that I owned. And today.. I got the keys to my next chapter.
I also remember (+ honor) all of the hard work it took to get here - the trips to the jungle to face my demons + find my light, ALL the therapies, the dedication to my practices + building healthy habits, + the discomfort of being present for the human experience without substances to numb or escape.
Thank you to this home for holding me through all of it. May the next person who lives here feel the love + the blessings that live still here.