12/13/2023
Something I see a lot of when working with clients on issues surrounding S*x and Intimacy, are issues stemming from traumatic medical experiences that may or may not have had anything to do with their ge****ls. These issues can show up as self-protective behaviors such as: unexplained physical resistance/bracing/avoidance of touch from their partner, extreme anxiety when close to anyone, numbness or pain in their body/ge****ls, anger and defensiveness, lack of arousal/erections, locked vagina's and avoidance of s*x/intimacy.
These clients often express that they know it's okay to touch and be touched, but they can't calm the stress response in their bodies that tell them it's not. Even though the person "knows" in their head that touch and closeness is okay, their body that experienced the medical procedures doesn't know and is trying to protect them from further trauma.
While many people find this understandably frustrating, I see it as a beautiful thing that our body protects us in response to times where we were unable to do so ourselves. In other words, the issues these clients are presenting with are their body's way of saying no for them.
In order to feel safe again in their body, I work with the clients to regain a feeling of control and agency around what happens to them including when they want to allow others into their personal space, when they're touched and how they're touched. This is a slow and beautiful process of choice, autonomy, collaboration, trust and above all safety. There's so much hope in healing from this, but it has to be done in collaboration with mind and body. As much as we can know with our mind that we're safe, our body needs to actual experience safety in order to let down the guards of self-protective behavior.
I would love to see the medical system move towards trauma informed care practices which could prevent or lessen many of these issues.
