Healing Alliance Counselling

05/09/2023

Such a powerful short message from our inner child. So, so much easier said then done of course - to set down the trauma; to set aside the coping and defense mechanisms we built to carry such a heavy load at such a tender age. But we aren't that little person anymore and we do not have to carry the pain and the way we coped with said pain anymore. Relearning new ways of being and reparenting ourselves one moment at a time.

11/06/2019

Dealing with mental illness is brutal. It can seem never ending, hopeless and like things can never feel or be different. When you finally feel you are ready to start therapy you are bombarded with choices. Choices you may feel paralyzed to even make. It can feel daunting and overwhelming - so many choices, so many different letters after therapist’s names, so many therapy modalities, so many opinions on which one is best. But at the end of the day, therapy is all about travelling side by side with another human, a human who is trained to help carry your load when it gets too heavy or show you where you have a flashlight in a world that feels pitch black. And if you aren’t ready to take that flashlight or even find it yet, your therapist can sit with you in the dark until you are ready.

02/04/2019

I have been on maternity leave for the past 7 months and have not been posting but I saw this chart and felt I needed to share it. Being there for someone (or even yourself) does not always entail pushing to be positive, “positive self-talk”. This is a misconception. In fact, sometimes this makes people feel worse. We want to try and talk more balanced to ourselves and others, so it is not all negative, but also not all positive either. When we push for positive sometimes we can negate how the person (or ourselves) is truly feeling in the moment. Being more gentle and balanced facilitates hope for the future and validation for how the person (or ourselves) is truly feeling in the moment. Feel free to add some good balanced thinking pointers below !

03/15/2018

I just love this. It can be so much easier said than done to remind ourselves we are not alone in our struggles as depression, anxiety, whatever it is we are struggling with, can make us feel so isolated and alone. If you feel you cannot reach out in person, whether that be to a counsellor or a friend, always remember there are 24 hour crisis lines (such as the Distress Centre in Ottawa - 613-238-3311) that have people available to talk to you when you are feeling low and alone.

Psst....this message was meant for YOU!

03/03/2018

A good visual as to what anxiety can feel like for a lot of people. Just because someone doesn't experience all of these symptoms does not mean they do not have anxiety; typically people feel certain symptoms over and over again, but it could be all of these or a select few. Either way, anxiety can be an incredibly debilitating force in one's life.

12/21/2017

It can be a rough time of year for a lot of people, a time where people may feel incredibly alone and vulnerable. Reaching out can often be very difficult and sometimes people feel they just can't. Lifeline Canada now offers texting "chat lines". To those who feel they can't pick up the phone, maybe try texting out your thoughts to someone who is there to listen.

https://thelifelinecanada.ca/help/

The guides, toolkits and resources throughout this site represent a compilation of su***de prevention resources from various sources across the Globe as noted. When clicking 3rd party links, you will be redirected to websites not affiliated to, but with our underlying support of The LifeLine Canada�...

08/15/2017

Short but great article on expectations in relationships.

"I was about to be told the best piece of marriage advice that this young, prideful, newly married man-boy could’ve ever asked for."

08/08/2017

Opening up about mental health struggles, especially suicidal thoughts is incredibly difficult; this strong young woman, a mother of 3, living with bipolar disorder shares her story.

http://www.cbc.ca/amp/1.4234762

"During high school I was sexually assaulted which resulted in a major depression and su***de attempts and self harm," she said.

07/07/2017

An exercise to engage in when you feel as if it is a good day, is to think about your own ambiance factors and write them down creating a list for yourself. What are ambiance factors? When you think about your 5 senses (and the activities) that elicit calming/relaxing sensations or joy - what comes up? These are your own ambiance factors. Ambiance factors are important, especially when we feel as if we cannot access our own internal resources for coping and nobody is around to help us externally. Sometimes imagining creating this ambiance for ourselves can create a sense of this positive atmosphere within. It may allow you to feel relaxed or even happy, if even for just a few moments.

For example: When I engage my vision, what do I think about that makes me joyful or relaxed?
I think about the ocean and the beach.

When I engage olfactory or smells, what smells bring me calmness and/or happiness?
I imagine smelling freshly picked flowers or perhaps the smell of fall.

When I think about behaviour/activities, what do I do that makes me feel calm or brings me happiness/joy?
I imagine driving down the highway without any other cars listening to upbeat music.

What are your ambiance factors? Think about vision, touch, taste, auditory, scents as well as activities that elicit a positive reaction in you.

Individual tailored counselling and psychotherapy services provided by Jessica Taylor, an experience

06/10/2017

This guy is making a difference and dispelling myths about schizophrenia. Healing and recovery is possible.

“I haven’t had a su***de attempt in years and will never attempt su***de again,” he said. “I have reached a point where I can honestly say I am happy to be alive.”

05/27/2017

A short article on the importance of abdominal breathing or diaphragmatic breathing.

Vagus Nerve Survival Guide: Phase One (This entry is first in a 9 part series.)

05/26/2017

Let's try and be gentle with each other this weekend.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1457436484278095&id=8908243810

05/24/2017

Unsure if therapy is for you or if it will even help? I liked how this article explained what to expect from therapy, but also what not to expect and above all encourages clients to ask questions if they are not sure

https://beta.theglobeandmail.com/report-on-business/careers/workplace-award/how-talk-therapy-can-improve-your-mental-health/article34604490/?ref=http://www.theglobeandmail.com&platform=hootsuite&service=mobile

Talk therapy is a way to treat both anxiety and depression, here's a primer on what it's about

05/21/2017

Have a wonderful long weekend from Healing Alliance Counselling

05/19/2017

Further to my post on emotions and allowing yourself to experience emotions, here is a short video where Peter Levine, PhD describes the concept of truly experiencing emotions particularly following trauma and how this experience is felt by a client in therapy.

05/19/2017

Today I wanted to introduce the concept of "self-conscious emotions" or "feelings about feelings". Have you felt like a failure for being sad for "no reason"? Maybe felt guilty for sticking up for yourself or for letting yourself relax?

According to Boon, Steele and Van Der Hart (2011) there are two types of emotional experiences.

"Some feelings or emotions are involuntary reactions to events that happen around you (for example, feeling joy because someone is especially nice to you; anger because someone criticizes you or forgets a date you made; fear because something startles you). Other emotions are primarily a reaction to your own thoughts, actions, and feelings (for instance, being ashamed of your body because an inner voice tells you that you are ugly; feeling embarrassed that you feel sad; feeling guilty or afraid because you are mad at someone). These “feelings about feelings”, that is, emotions about our own inner experience, particularly those that involve variations of shame or pride, are called self-conscious emotions. They can often be problematic, because they are paired with inner negative judgements about what we experience."
.. "Our emotions are intimately connected with our thoughts, behaviours, sensations and the ways in which we perceive the world. These experiences are not actually separate, but rather bundled together, in continuous feedback loops with each other. For example, when people feel afraid, they will tend to view the world through the lens of fear, perceiving many things as threatening, when daily life may not be dangerous in reality. These perceptions are related to fear-related thoughts and beliefs, for example, “That man is frowning; he must be angry with me, anger is dangerous, I must get away.”

"These thoughts and beliefs heighten the perception of danger, which heightens the feelings of fear, which heightens thoughts of danger, and so on. And perceptions, emotions and thoughts induce decisions to act in certain ways.Eventually, people may become so sensitively conditioned to an emotion such as fear that merely having a physical sensation of fear, such as a sinking feeling in the stomach, may prompt them to believe danger is near and to act in a fearful way."

So instead of beating yourself up for having an emotion or talking yourself out of experiencing it, try to be gentle with yourself, listen to your body, and truly experience the emotion you feel. It will feel uncomfortable but with time, this will start to feel like a normal reaction that you experience.

03/03/2017

What is the weather like inside today?

Emotions are something that are often misunderstood. In their book, Coping With Trauma Related Dissociation, Boon, Steele and Van Der Hart (2011), write about emotions and their functions in a way that I think is important to share.

"Emotions are part of our basic functioning as human beings. They are present in everyone, and they are there to guide us and help us make decisions... Emotions are felt in the body; they involve somatic sensations, specific postures or movements and tendencies toward certain actions. They are also understood as signals to behave in certain ways during particular circumstances.

Generally, emotions are not voluntary, that is, you cannot “make” yourself feel a particular emotion. They are a bit like internal weather, coming and going, changing from time to time, flowing from one to the other, sometimes stormy, sometimes calm. This internal weather is as normal and expected as outside weather. And like weather, emotions are influenced by various environmental factors, either internal or external effects (inside or outside of yourself)."

Emotions are spontaneous (involuntary) reactions to events outside and inside ourselves. They are primary guides that help us adapt our behaviour to what is happening in the present. For example, love helps us be closer to someone we care about; fear helps us avoid a dangerous situation; joy helps us seek out pleasant experiences. Because emotions are basic to our functioning, it is essential to understand and learn to “read” them."

Although we often tend to view emotions as good or bad, this is not a helpful judgement. Emotions are neither good or bad; they simply are part of our functioning as humans. It is true that we recognize some emotions as pleasant and others as unpleasant or painful, but you will find it very useful to focus more on the purposes and meanings of an emotion rather than judging them. This is a step toward accepting them as part of you and part of life.
One major function of emotion is to motivate and initiate behaviour that is directed toward specific goals, that is, behaviour that can meet our needs. For example, anger directs us to fight when we are provoked, hopefully keeping us safe; fear prompts us to run away or avoid something that is frightening or threatening; love directs us to behave in ways that draw us closer to the ones we love, because we need safe relationships. "

Emotions are not really separate “things”; they are part of bundled experiences that include not only emotions, sensations, thoughts, and physical actions but also our perceptions of what is happening in the present and our predictions of what will happen if we act in a certain way. Emotions are as essential as thinking and behaving to our survival. However, when the ability to regulate and tolerate emotions is disrupted or inadequate, this entire bundled experience becomes difficult to manage."

The first step is being able to name and recognize emotions, and then to understand their functions and how to respond to them. I will post about this further:)