Sonya Randle Counselling Services

05/08/2021

We all struggle to some degree with keeping healthy boundaries so I thought I would post a little “around that.

05/31/2020

One of the core goals of practicing self-compassion is learning how to treat yourself with the same kindness you treat others.

Many of us say things to ourselves that we’d never say to anyone else!
Often our self-criticism is unconscious, so we must first catch ourselves thinking these thoughts. Then we can begin replacing them with positive ones through the practice of self-compassion.

Change strategies
For the next week, notice when you’re being self-critical or feeling bad about yourself. Write down what your inner critic is saying as accurately as possible. What are the actual words you use to talk to yourself?
What are the areas in which you are critical of yourself? I beat myself up over . . .

When we’re stressed—and who among us isn’t stressed right now?—it’s especially important to be self-compassionate. We can notice what we’re feeling, validate that feeling, and soothe the feeling.

Notice how you feel. (I’m feeling sad.)
Validate the feeling. (It’s okay to feel sad.)
Soothe the feeling. (I’m here for you. This is temporary. What do you need right now?)
As we navigate the uncertainty of Covid-19, let’s remember to be kind to ourselves. We’re doing the best we can, and that’s good enough. Really, it is.

09/12/2019

Is there a difference between healthy caring and codependent helping? Absolutely there is! What is the motivation for your helping and what are your expectations for the outcome?

07/20/2019

I need this constant reminder. Does anyone else struggle with perfectionism or over-functioning?

06/22/2019

Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop?

Learning to live in the moment is a special gift of a healthy childhood. That’s ideally when we discover simple pleasures like playing with crayons, learning to ride a bicycle, and making friends. We also start to realize that in healthy secure relationships, parents are there for their children.

But sometimes, terrible things happen that twist happiness into something horrible. A parent’s rage, a bully’s ridicule, bouts of depression or waves of loneliness can shatter a moment’s joy to pieces. How can you enjoy being with a friend, discover what makes you laugh, or feel good about yourself, when it all might come crashing down? If you tend to worry something bad will happen if you dare enjoy the here-and-now, you may tell yourself, I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

06/14/2019

Why You Need Self-Love

Loving ourselves and prioritizing our needs is often very challenging. Unfortunately, many of us didn’t receive the love we deserved as children and this sets the stage for difficulty loving ourselves. We grow up feeling unlovable, damaged, inadequate, and unworthy. So, we overcompensate with perfectionism, people-pleasing, and over-working – all efforts to earn approval and feel worthy of love. But this is never effective because love and acceptance have to come from within. Yes, receiving love from others is important, but it doesn’t take the place of self-love. In fact, unconditional love from others in the absence of self-love can feel phony and uncomfortable because if we don’t feel lovable, it’s hard to believe that others genuinely love us.

Not only is self-love essential for healthy relationships, but it also allows us to set boundaries, be assertive, pursue our interests and goals, practice self-care, and feel good about ourselves.

06/04/2019

If you grew up without any models for self-love or anyone who talked to you about the importance of being good to yourself, you might question its value.

Well, without self-love, you’re likely to be highly self-critical and fall into people-pleasing and perfectionism. You’re more likely to tolerate abuse or mistreatment from others. You may neglect your own needs and feelings because you don’t value yourself. And you may self-sabotage or make decisions that aren’t in your own best interest.

Self-love is the foundation that allows us to be assertive, set boundaries and create healthy relationships with others, practice self-care, pursue our interests and goals, and feel proud of who we are.

03/22/2019

We all experience wounds physically as well as emotionally. Self care is a huge part of healing so take time to care for you.

02/01/2019

Perhaps you see yourself as a success or a failure, attractive or disgusting, smart or stupid. And you see others as with you or against you, right or wrong, thoughtful or selfish.

Seeing things as absolutes, black or white with no shades of gray in between, can leave you feeling stuck – unmotivated, unable to start new projects, pursue your goals, or even recognize your progress.

The problem with all-or-nothing thinking is it’s unrealistic; it’s rigid and it demands perfection.

12/15/2018

This is a time if thankfulness and many of us overcommit because we don’t have healthy boundaries or know how today no without guilt.

10/23/2018