Becoming Yourself Counselling

Becoming Yourself Counselling My name is Michael Holker MSW RSW Registered Social Worker / Therapist; I offer services in Ontario

Greetings,

I'm Michael Holker, a Registered Social Worker/Therapist. My journey in social work began in 2015 when I completed my Bachelor of Social Work, followed by further education to earn my Master's in Social Work. My path to this point has been marked by what I like to call "fateful detours and wrong turns," but it has always been clear that I wanted to establish my private practice. Over t

he past decade, I've immersed myself in a world of reading and research, honing my skills and acquiring tools to help individuals transition from merely surviving to thriving. If you or someone you know is merely "getting by" right now, rest assured that my mission is to guide individuals toward flourishing. Throughout my life, I've been driven by an insatiable curiosity to explore the realms of philosophy, psychology, sociology, history, science, and spirituality. I've dedicated myself to understanding the interconnectedness of these facets of human existence and how they relate to our contemporary challenges as individuals and as a society. This curiosity led me to the field of social work and, ultimately, to the creation of my private practice. On this page, you can expect regular posts addressing topics related to well-being and the human condition. I invite you to engage, ask questions, and share your thoughts. Currently, I offer virtual counselling services to clients residing in Ontario. You can easily book a session through the website link on this page or contact me directly for a complimentary 20-minute consultation. Let's explore how I can assist you on your personal growth and well-being journey.

Being articulate can sometimes hide how much you are actually struggling.Many neurodivergent adults can explain their in...
04/02/2026

Being articulate can sometimes hide how much you are actually struggling.

Many neurodivergent adults can explain their inner world so clearly that other people assume they must be coping well. But being able to describe the problem is not the same as having the support, capacity, or regulation needed to live with it more gently. Words can communicate pain. They can also camouflage it.

This is one reason highly verbal adults are sometimes missed, misunderstood, or offered help that never reaches the deeper layer of what is happening.

You do not have to fall apart publicly for your needs to be real.

Have you ever felt like your insight made people underestimate how hard things were?



Neurodiversity-affirming therapy for adults who identify with ADHD, Autism, AuDHD and Giftedness or 2e in Ontario. Virtual appointments available.

These reflections are for informational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy.

Some of us spent years trying to change before we were ever truly understood.That is why this Carl Rogers quote still ma...
04/01/2026

Some of us spent years trying to change before we were ever truly understood.

That is why this Carl Rogers quote still matters. Acceptance is not the same as giving up. For many people, it is the condition that makes real change possible. When therapy begins with performance, people often tighten. When it begins with honesty, safety, and understanding, something softer can happen.

A neuroaffirming approach does not start from “How do we fix you?” It starts from “What is true for you, and what support might actually help?” That question can shift the entire process.

What changed for you when you stopped treating self-acceptance like the enemy of growth?



Neurodiversity-affirming therapy for adults who identify with ADHD, Autism, AuDHD and Giftedness or 2e in Ontario. Virtual appointments available.

These reflections are for informational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy.

You can understand yourself deeply and still feel no real relief.That is one reason some gifted and twice-exceptional ad...
03/31/2026

You can understand yourself deeply and still feel no real relief.

That is one reason some gifted and twice-exceptional adults feel discouraged in therapy. They can explain the pattern, identify the trigger, and make sense of the history, yet still walk away overloaded. When that happens, it does not necessarily mean the person is resistant or unwilling. It may mean insight is only one part of what is needed.

For many people, therapy also has to account for pacing, regulation, sensory reality, and the way stress continues to live in the body long after something “makes sense.”

Insight matters. It just is not always enough on its own.

Which helps you more right now: understanding, regulation, or both?



Neurodiversity-affirming therapy for adults who identify with ADHD, Autism, AuDHD and Giftedness or 2e in Ontario. Virtual appointments available.

These reflections are for informational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy.

Knowing your patterns is not always the same thing as feeling better.A lot of insightful neurodivergent adults can name ...
03/30/2026

Knowing your patterns is not always the same thing as feeling better.

A lot of insightful neurodivergent adults can name the trigger, explain the history, and understand the dynamic in detail. But insight alone does not always settle the body, reduce sensory strain, or change the load you are carrying each day. Sometimes what is missing is not more analysis. It is support for regulation, pacing, accommodation, and the realities you are living inside.

So if therapy has made sense in your head but has not brought much relief in your life, that does not automatically mean you are doing it wrong.

Have you ever felt deeply self-aware and still completely stuck?



Neurodiversity-affirming therapy for adults who identify with ADHD, Autism, AuDHD and Giftedness or 2e in Ontario. Virtual appointments available.

These reflections are for informational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy.

Autistic burnout can stretch on for weeks or years — and it still isn’t forever.This week we’re exploring how capacity c...
03/29/2026

Autistic burnout can stretch on for weeks or years — and it still isn’t forever.

This week we’re exploring how capacity can return in small, uneven waves—and how to meet that with care.

If you’re in it right now, you’re allowed to let this be slow.

Explore the full guide → The Ultimate Guide to Autistic Burnout—Signs & Recovery

https://becomingyourself.com/onbecomingyourself/the-ultimate-guide-to-autistic-burnout?utm_source=fb_page&utm_medium=Becoming+Yourself+Counselling&utm_campaign=publer

Explore more reflections on ADHD, Autism, and Giftedness.

If it resonates, you’re welcome to share a thought below or save this for later.



These reflections are for informational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy.

Many high-achieving autistic adults don’t realize they are masking — until their nervous system begins to shut down.Auti...
03/27/2026

Many high-achieving autistic adults don’t realize they are masking — until their nervous system begins to shut down.

Autistic burnout is not a personal failure or a lack of resilience. It is a physiological response to years of suppressing needs, instincts, and sensory limits in order to stay safe and succeed.

This post explores the risks of unmasking autism, especially in relationships and professional settings, and why unmasking must be approached with care, context, and support.

Read more on the blog → https://becomingyourself.com/onbecomingyourself/unmasking-autism-hidden-cost-of-masking?utm_source=fb_page&utm_medium=Becoming+Yourself+Counselling&utm_campaign=publer

Explore more reflections on ADHD, Autism, and Giftedness.



Share your thoughts in the comments or save for later reflection.

These reflections are for informational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy.

Unmasking doesn’t mean becoming reckless.It means reclaiming choice.Where you soften.Where you perform.Where you rest.Yo...
03/26/2026

Unmasking doesn’t mean becoming reckless.

It means reclaiming choice.

Where you soften.
Where you perform.
Where you rest.

Your nervous system deserves safety.

More reflections on ADHD, Autism, and Giftedness — stay connected with Becoming Yourself.



Share your thoughts in the comments or save for later reflection.

These reflections are for informational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy.

Unmasking autism is not about exposure.It’s about discernment.You don’t owe your raw nervous system to unsafe spaces.Saf...
03/25/2026

Unmasking autism is not about exposure.
It’s about discernment.

You don’t owe your raw nervous system to unsafe spaces.

Safe unmasking means choosing where your authenticity is welcomed — not demanded.

More reflections on ADHD, Autism, and Giftedness — stay connected with Becoming Yourself.



Share your thoughts in the comments or save for later reflection.

These reflections are for informational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy.

Fawning is not a personality trait.It’s a nervous system strategy.Many of us learned that being agreeable reduced confli...
03/24/2026

Fawning is not a personality trait.
It’s a nervous system strategy.

Many of us learned that being agreeable reduced conflict. That being helpful made us safer. That smoothing tension prevented rejection. Over time, people-pleasing can become automatic — not because we lack boundaries, but because our system learned that compliance reduces threat.

When you stop fawning, relationships can shift. That doesn’t mean unmasking is wrong. It often means the mask was quietly holding the relationship together.

For neurodivergent adults — especially those with ADHD, Autism, or gifted/2e profiles — fawning often overlaps with masking. Being “easy,” “competent,” or “low-maintenance” may have felt like the cost of belonging. But the cost accumulates: burnout, resentment, identity erosion.

Healing isn’t about shaming the fawn response.
It kept you safe.

The work is learning where safety no longer requires us to hide.

More reflections on ADHD, Autism, and Giftedness — stay connected with Becoming Yourself.



Share your thoughts in the comments or save for later reflection.

These reflections are for informational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy.

In my clinical work, I meet people who are admired everywhere, except inside themselves.They perform competence flawless...
03/23/2026

In my clinical work, I meet people who are admired everywhere, except inside themselves.

They perform competence flawlessly.
And quietly collapse when no one is watching.

The masked achiever identity looks like success.
But it often hides profound nervous system exhaustion.

More reflections on ADHD, Autism, and Giftedness — stay connected with Becoming Yourself.



Share your thoughts in the comments or save for later reflection.

These reflections are for informational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy.

High success can hide deep, cumulative burnout.Many autistic and high-masking adults are praised for how capable, reliab...
03/20/2026

High success can hide deep, cumulative burnout.

Many autistic and high-masking adults are praised for how capable, reliable, and accomplished they appear, while quietly paying an enormous internal cost.

This blog explores autistic masking, the fawn response, and the reality of the ‘masked achiever’ identity: how it forms, why it works, and why it eventually becomes unsustainable.

If you’ve ever felt successful but hollowed out, competent but constantly exhausted, this reflection is for you.

Read more on the blog → https://becomingyourself.com/onbecomingyourself/unmasking-autism-hidden-cost-of-masking?utm_source=fb_page&utm_medium=Becoming+Yourself+Counselling&utm_campaign=publer

Explore more reflections on ADHD, Autism, and Giftedness



Share your thoughts in the comments or save for later reflection.

These reflections are for informational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy.

Safe Unmasking Is ContextualUnmasking is not an all-or-nothing act of bravery.It’s a decision shaped by context.Not ever...
03/20/2026

Safe Unmasking Is Contextual

Unmasking is not an all-or-nothing act of bravery.
It’s a decision shaped by context.

Not every space is safe — and pretending otherwise can be harmful. Your nervous system constantly scans for risk: power dynamics, past consequences, social cost. That isn’t fear. It’s pattern recognition.

The goal isn’t to rip off the mask everywhere. It’s discernment. Where is authenticity welcomed? Where is difference tolerated but not embraced? Where are there real consequences for standing out?

For many late-diagnosed ADHDers, Autistic adults, and gifted/2e individuals, masking has been essential in academic, professional, and relational systems. Masking can be strategic. The difference is agency.

Are you choosing it — or is it choosing for you?

Safe unmasking begins where respect and understanding exist. Where you can tolerate being 10% more authentic.

Identity rebuilds gradually. Not explosively.

More reflections on ADHD, Autism, and Giftedness — stay connected with Becoming Yourself.



Share your thoughts in the comments or save for later reflection.

These reflections are for informational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy.

Address

Toronto/(Offer Virtual Services Only)
Toronto, ON
M2N7A9

Opening Hours

Monday 12pm - 5pm
Tuesday 10am - 6pm
Wednesday 10am - 6pm
Thursday 10am - 6pm
Friday 10am - 6pm

Telephone

+12892786272

Website

https://becomingyourself.janeapp.com/

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