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10/07/2025

Yes, they gave us food and shelter. But who comforted you?

Yes, our parents sacrificed so much—sometimes working across oceans or long hours, sending money back home, or focusing on survival over closeness. But that also meant many of us grew up without the kind of emotional presence we longed for.

We wanted parents who could sit with us, comfort us, and notice our inner world, not just provide food and shelter. And when that wasn’t there, we learned to manage on our own: suppressing feelings, pushing through, and keeping busy.

As adults, this often manifests in unexpected ways: reactivity in relationships, struggles with trust, or a need for constant reassurance from others. Beneath it all, it’s our inner child still reaching out.

Healing doesn’t mean erasing our parents’ sacrifices or rejecting our heritage. It means holding both truths: they gave what they could, and there are still wounds we carry.

And it also means we can start showing up for ourselves now.

10/03/2025

What do therapists mean when we say learning to “let go”?

It’s not just about moving on; it’s about navigating love, duty, guilt, and survival. Sometimes we hold on because it feels like the only way to stay connected.

But letting go doesn’t mean erasing your family, your history, or your culture. It means loosening the grip of what weighs you down so you can breathe, heal, and live more fully.

You can carry your roots with pride and choose peace for yourself. Both can be true.

Curious about how therapy can help you balance and trust yourself more? Book a free consultation to chat!

09/23/2025

Cognitive empathy is more than understanding others; it’s about giving yourself room to pause, notice, and choose how you respond.

For many in the Asian diaspora, we grew up learning to scan the room, anticipate others’ needs, and silence our own. While this survival skill helped us navigate family dynamics, it often left us disconnected from our own emotions.

Practicing cognitive empathy in healing means:
✨ Learning to observe someone’s words and tone without absorbing their emotions as your own.
✨ Creating space to reflect, “What might they be feeling?”, without abandoning your own truth.
✨ Grounding yourself with curiosity instead of people-pleasing or shutting down.

Start small:

Listen fully before reacting.
Reflect back what you heard to check for clarity.
Ask gentle, open-ended questions like, “What felt hardest about that for you?”

Healing doesn’t mean cutting off empathy (even though it feels easier in the moment), but also means reshaping it so you can stay connected without losing yourself and relationships you still value, no matter how weighted it feels.

09/18/2025

Ever notice how much energy goes into wishing things were different?

In DBT, Willfulness looks like resisting reality, clinging to how things “should” be, and feeling stuck in distress when life doesn’t go our way.

Willingness means accepting reality as it is (without approving or disapproving), staying open to different outcomes, and finding ways to adapt with resilience.

We may have grown up with strong expectations around family, career, or identity, and sometimes those expectations clash with our own needs. Willfulness might show up as pushing ourselves to meet those ideals at all costs, or resisting change because it feels like “failure.”

In practice, it's always a balance of different needs of different levels of desire. And that's totally valid.

Willingness, however, invites us to pause and say: “This is the reality I’m in right now. How can I move with it, instead of against it?” It’s not about giving up but about reclaiming energy for growth, self-compassion, and healing.

✨ Practicing Radical Acceptance doesn’t erase pain, but it makes space for peace. ✨

09/16/2025

Ever feel torn between what your heart wants and what you should do?

In Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), there’s a concept called Wise Mind—the place where your emotions and logic meet. Instead of being pulled only by feelings (Emotional Mind) or pressured into pure logic (Rational Mind), Wise Mind helps you pause, listen inward, and make choices that feel both true and grounded.

For many immigrants, we grew up being told to “be practical” or to put family and community above our own needs. At the same time, we may carry unspoken emotions that never had space to be fully felt.

Wise Mind is where those two parts of us can finally meet: honouring our feelings without dismissing them, while still respecting the logical side shaped by culture and tradition.

It’s not about choosing one or the other; it’s about creating balance, clarity, and a path that feels authentically yours. 💛

👉 Have you noticed when you’re in your Wise Mind?

09/03/2025

While external recognition feels good, self-recognition is what keeps you steady.

That tiny pause before you deflect a compliment?
That’s the moment your body remembers:
the times praise felt unsafe, or rare,
or came with strings attached.

So you laugh it off. Change the subject. Pretend it doesn’t matter.

But somewhere inside, you’re still hoping someone will notice you,
especially the people who never did.

You know already that it's a gamble: sometimes they respond, sometimes they don’t.
And every time, your worth feels like it’s on the table.

What if this time, you didn’t wait for the bet to pay off?
What if you gave yourself the thing you’ve been asking for all along?

08/28/2025

Chosen family isn’t always found in childhood; sometimes, they’re the people you meet in the most unexpected places.

I recently attended a speed dating event and ended up chatting with a couple of women while we waited.

Now we hang out all the time!

It reminded me that friendship isn’t about how you meet, but rather the vibe, the effort, and the choice to be there for each other, allowing the connection to grow.

The right people will check in, make plans, share things they know you’ll care about, and you’ll do the same for them.

If you’re still looking for your people: keep showing up. Keep trying.
They’re out there.

08/25/2025

Circle back to these when you need them!

These affirmations have helped me over the years, and I still use them in my own personal life and with my clients.

Please take what you need, rewrite it to suit your needs better, or spend time truly accepting and understanding why these are important.

Some of the hardest work we will do is finally allowing these to ring true and help re-write the narratives stuck in our minds and bodies from history.

I’m rooting for you!

08/21/2025

When your parent says “You never help me,” it’s easy to spiral into guilt.
But guilt isn’t always the truth, It’s often an old wound being poked.

In that moment, you can:
✨ Remind yourself: I do help.
✨ Self-soothe: touch something grounding, take a breath, step outside.
✨ Walk away if you need to, without internalizing the shame.

You can still care for someone without abandoning yourself.

And sometimes, the most loving thing you can say is,
“I can’t help you right now.”

08/20/2025

Therapy isn’t the only place healing happens.

Sometimes it starts with a book that puts words to feelings you’ve carried for years.

Books can’t replace therapy, but they can deepen it. When we read language for your pain, we didn’t know how to verbalize before, stories that make you feel less alone, and tools you can bring into sessions.

What’s one book that’s helped you heal?

08/15/2025

When a parent leaves for another family, it’s not just “something that happened between the adults.”

It’s a wound that can make anyone, at any age, feel like they were never chosen.

In many Asian diaspora families, this pain is often met with silence or brushed aside to “keep the peace.” But when your needs are dismissed, the hurt doesn’t just fade; it shapes how safe you feel in relationships, even years later.

Therapy isn’t about forcing yourself to “get over it.”
It’s about:
✨ Naming the truth of what you went through.
✨ Letting your inner child’s voice be heard.
✨ Learning that your worth was never tied to your parents’ choices.

If this resonates, know you are not alone in carrying this story. You deserved to be seen, heard, and chosen always.

Book a free consultation with me to see if therapy is right for you at this time or if we are a right fit!

08/12/2025

If you grew up in a family where emotions were either tightly managed or suddenly explosive… you’re not alone.

In Internal Family Systems (IFS), we understand this through parts — specifically, the Managers and Firefighters.

✨ The Manager part is the one that tells you to stay in control. Work harder. Don’t slip up. Don’t be a burden. Be good.
🔥 The Firefighter part? It charges in when something emotional breaks and will do anything to shut the pain down fast.

Both parts are protectors.
They developed in homes where showing too much emotion wasn’t safe or simply not allowed.

But here’s the thing:
You’re not a child anymore.
And these parts?
They don’t need to run your life.

There is a deeper Self within you that is calm, curious and compassionate, who can begin to hold what those parts are so afraid of.

Healing doesn’t mean getting rid of your parts. It means befriending them.

It means saying: “You’ve done so much for me. You don’t have to carry this alone anymore.”

🌱 Be gentle with your protectors.
They were just trying to keep you safe.

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Virtual Office
Toronto, ON
M6K0A5

Telephone

+16474931557

Website

https://www.talktherapywithvera.com/

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