11/17/2025
"I was born with a cleft lip and palate. The first major surgery I ever had was before I was six months old. At that age, there’s no real way to express pain than crying—which is why I did it so much. It caused hernias, which required even more surgeries. My first years of life were spent in and out of the operating room, in and out of extreme pain. I knew hospital hallways better than playgrounds. Every time I went in for another procedure, the panic got worse. I didn’t have words for it back then—I just knew I didn’t want to be there.
By my teens, the anxiety followed me everywhere. I had constant panic attacks. When I was 18, I had my first drink. And for the first time in my life, I felt a sense of calm. I thought I’d found the answer.
But that peace came with a cost. Over 15 years, alcohol numbed everything—the fear, the pain, even the joy. I told myself I was fine because I could still work, still function. But really, I was just surviving.
When my grandmother passed, I decided to stay sober to honour her. I wanted to feel the loss. That week turned into two, then a month. I started going to the gym, setting goals, and realizing how much I’d missed by hiding behind alcohol.
My recovery isn’t about perfection. It’s about awareness—finding a middle ground between control and compassion. Talking about my story helps me heal and hopefully helps someone else realize they’re not alone.
If I’d gone to CAMH when people first suggested it, maybe I would’ve understood myself sooner. But I’m grateful places like CAMH exist now because no one should have to fight addiction or anxiety in silence.
My wife and my son keep me grounded. My son is the version of me I always wanted to be—happy, safe, loved. That’s what keeps me moving forward.
My story isn’t about me. It’s about showing people that change is possible. You just have to take that first step. "
- Matthew Nealon
Read more about Matthew's story at https://ow.ly/eTT050Xq9Mb
