Lindsay Witton, Registered Social Worker, Psychotherapist

12/01/2025

And by safe, I mean that you know and feel and trust that you’ll get through this moment, even when it’s hard. It’s when your relationship doesn’t feel at risk, just because someone is upset, disappointed, angry, or hurt. A shift happens where the relationship can tolerate what once was intolerable, what once didn’t feel safe to the nervous system.
When you have enough disconfirming experiences (experiences that do not confirm what you’re used to/believe will happen) you collect new data points about conflict. And with time, conflict becomes less disruptive.
Those new data points? (Read them both ways — I’ll write it for the first one only).
You/I care about my/your experience.
You don’t punish me when we’re upset with each other.
You are curious about what I’m feeling.
You communicate directly.
If you need to pause, you always return.
You commit to getting grounded when you’re dysregulated.
You speak respectfully, even when you’re upset.
You’re never threatening about our relationship, and your actions follow.
You’re willing to learn from the rupture, and use the experience to learn more about each other.

What do you add to this list? If you had new data point after data point of lived experience, what would help you feel safe and secure through conflict?

11/05/2025

❤❤❤

11/01/2025

For some of us, learning to hear the message (underneath the noise) of what is being spoken might be one of the most significant relationship skills we can learn.

Leaning into this space may include inquiring about the deeper roots of someone’s vulnerabilities so that we can detect and speak to those deeper layers and contexts more clearly and sensitively.

It might include becoming more curious about the layers that are intertwined with our unique form of defensiveness.

These moments may even become an invitation for us to intervene more quickly when we detect criticism is at play so that we don’t shut down and disengage.

“I really want to stay present for you in this. Can you please try to share what you are feeling instead of what I’m doing wrong?”

“Your feelings matter a lot to me. I can feel myself beginning to shut down and I really don’t want that to happen. What do you need from me right now?”

“I know it isn’t easy for you to share what happening for you. How can I make it safe for you to share your experience without criticizing me?”

If your relationship has cultivated a bit more trust and safety, there also may be much more room to intervene in these moments in more direct ways, and with humor to help soften the approach.

For some of us, it will be equally important that we explore our patterns of defensiveness.

It may be important to make space to tolerate occasional criticism sometimes.

People aren’t always going to be able to offer or share their feedback/feelings to us in perfectly integrated ways.

We do have to read carefully here though, as repeated criticism (without any responsibility taken) can lead to a relationship’s end.

What kind of communication styles takes you to defensiveness more quickly? What could you express to help soften someone’s approach?

PS: Want to explore working together? Message me “work with me” to book a free consultation ✨

11/01/2025

10/30/2025

A very important reminder. Tag/send to who needs this. 🧡

10/09/2025

09/27/2025

That last sentence. Let me say it one more time. Because sometimes part of the growth and healing is about exiting sooner instead of not entering at all. Repeat repeat repeat. Friends, let’s not forget the steps. And please…PLEASE…a little gentleness for the self.⁠
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I know it can feel frustrating, even infuriating when we know better. When we can see the damn pattern and still feel drawn into it. “I know he’s not available, I know this, and I’m still investing time and energy into him.” Yes, sometimes we can see the lesson so clearly and still choose to enter. I know that can feel confusing at times. “Why am I doing this??? I know how this is going to end.” And there you are, entering back into something you believe you’ve already learned. But here’s the thing, learnings become integration often through repetition. Sometimes it takes one time, and sometimes it takes more. So instead of criticizing yourself or shaming yourself, might you remind yourself that your awareness here is powerful and that maybe, just maybe, part of your growth is more about your exit rather than you entry. Because maybe part of your growth and healing is about you learning how to speak up for yourself, maybe it’s about you initiating an ending instead of waiting for someone to end things with you, maybe it’s about you not overstaying as long as you used to. Maybe it’s about you exiting sooner instead of not entering at all. Share this with someone who needs to hear it.

09/26/2025

08/19/2025

08/17/2025

07/16/2025

We may need the same lesson again and again until we are ready to make a change. Change happens eventually.