05/04/2024
A child finds their sense of identity and worthiness through the eyes of their caregivers they absorb and interpret the energy that is taking place around them even before they are born, in the womb of their mother and from the interpretation of their interaction with such environment as their brain develops when they grow.
If their caregivers are not emotionally present, if they neglect them or live in constant fear and stress the child assumes that is their fault, the child forms the belief and identity that there is something intrinsically wrong in them and they are a burden for their caregivers, they feel unwelcome or unloved by them because of those imagined flaws.
In such conditions the distorted mirror where the child see themselves is the root cause of shame ( the individual assumption that I am unlovable, unworthy, and less than…)
Shame take 3 different paths of expression.
1. I have shame then I hide myself from the world, I make myself small, I dimming my light, I silent my voice, avoid conflict at all cost, ignore my needs and over give from myself, I become a mártir and adopt the victim identity, I am afraid of the material world and expressing my truth… if I embark on a healing journey I will become the wounded healer and I will focus my attention in rescuing others to feel myself worthy of love.
The lesson here is to give myself the love and validation I want to receive from others, understanding that I can only save myself, that I am worthy because I exist and I am a child of God.
The lesson here is to listen to my own needs and choose myself when others don’t treat me the way I deserve, learn to set and communicate my boundaries, become my own hero, and find safety and stability within myself.
2. I have shame then I look for validation outside of me I want to fit in.
I am hyper critical judging myself and others I fear rejection, I compare myself to others. I see the world black and white either I am a winner or I am a loser, I am a perfectionist, I often protect myself with a false sense of pride I don’t forgive or forget easily and I am secretive of what is really going on in my internal world I trust no one and struggle to ask for help.
I overthink everything and I feel like a failure although others perceive me as a confident and overachiever person.
If I am overwhelmed I could end self harming (with addictions and/or self sabotage)
The lesson here is to be humble and accept that I am not perfect, nobody is!
The lesson is to surrender to a higher power, is to ask for help, is to be open to other points of view, be honest with myself and others and accept that I don’t need external validation,
I am a work in progress yet I am perfect and beautiful just as I am.
I can let go of the need to be accepted and admired.
when I am authentic some people will leave but I will attract the people that is in resonance with me.
3. I have shame thus I hate myself then I will take my anger against the world and those who love me I am unable to accept love and connect with my emotions I am extremely insecure and fearful so I will wear a mask and pretend to be confident and charming, people will see me happy and strong but in solitude I can not be with myself, I keep accumulating guilt and shame as I take advantage of people that give me love and validation.
People walking this path often felt powerless in their childhood the biggest wound is with their mother who was absent, failed to protect them from their father/ father figure who was aggressive to them or she was abusive to them.
shame in this case often leads to narcissistic or psychopathic behaviours in this category land the people whose shame often drive them to destroy themselves and others.
We observe this pattern in the people who manipulate and initiate wars.
The lesson here is to heal the mother and father wound is to connect with our inner child. is to stop running, masking our feelings and distracting ourselves from the pain we suffered and we have inflicted upon others.
This form of shame requires divine intervention and powerful initiations to be broken to the ground and give space for healing. individuals in this category wear masks and are convinced that they have everything under control they cling into their false sense of power and their walls are fiercely protected by their egos making it unlikely that other person can help them heal.
How is shame playing out in your life?
What do you need to integrate the lessons of shame and become more real to yourself and others?
