Cynthia Johnston Counselling and Consulting Services

04/15/2026

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Therapists say it, but what does it really mean?! Sitting with your feelings means letting your emotions come and pass without engaging in numbing, distraction, or self-harmful behaviors. And while it sounds simple, it can be really tough to do when you aren't used to it. Having some tools to turn to when you are overwhelmed with an emotion can help the waiting-for-it-to-pass feel a bit easier. There's no "bad" feeling, even the uncomfy ones, and with practice and sometimes therapist-support, we are 100% confident you can handle them all.

04/14/2026

If you've ever been in an anxious attachment pattern, you know how easy it is to read a perfectly healthy behavior as a warning sign. They don't text back right away and suddenly your brain is running worst-case scenarios. They want some alone time and it feels like distance. They stay calm during a fight and somehow that feels scarier than if they'd raised their voice.

None of those things are red flags. They're actually signs of a secure, grounded person. Someone who has a full life outside of you, trusts you enough not to monitor your every move, and doesn't need to make conflict dramatic to feel like it matters.

The tricky part is that when you're used to anxious love, healthy love can feel unfamiliar at first. Calm can feel like indifference. Trust can feel like not caring. It takes time to learn the difference, and that's okay.

What looks like distance to an anxious heart is often just security in action.

04/12/2026

DBTSkill. Distress Tolerance Module. TIPP Skill.

04/10/2026

04/10/2026

04/10/2026

For many people, perfectionism was shaped in relationships or environments where love, safety, approval, or belonging felt uncertain.

It can grow in homes where affection was tied to achievement, where criticism came quickly, where chaos made life feel unpredictable, or where a child had to become responsible far too soon.

In those moments, being “good,” high-performing, quiet, helpful, impressive, or flawless can start to feel like the safest way to stay connected and avoid pain.

You might be saying ... " you see me now. I did it just the way you wanted?" "See how well I did that". or maybe you are saying "just one more thing, then it will be better." or "If I can just achieve this level, then they will like me."

That is why perfectionism can feel so intense. It is not just about having high standards. It is often a nervous system strategy built around preventing rejection, failure, shame, or abandonment.

You may notice it show up as overthinking, procrastination, people-pleasing, fear of making mistakes, difficulty resting, or feeling like nothing you do is ever enough. Underneath those patterns is often a deeper question: What feels like it could happen if I am not perfect?

That question matters.

Because when you begin to understand perfectionism as a protective response, you can meet it with more compassion. Instead of forcing yourself to “just let it go,” you can start getting curious about what this part of you has been trying to prevent all along.

You're just carrying a wound response that made perfect sense at the time. Survival strategies that once made sense can become exhausting when they keep running long after the danger has passed.

Save this. Share it with someone who's been carrying perfectionism like a life
sentence.

Where do you think your perfectionism started? Comment below.

04/09/2026

What feels like “love” might actually be a cycle keeping you stuck.

The highs feel intoxicating.
The lows feel confusing.
And the reconnection? It convinces you to stay.

This isn’t weakness, it’s how the brain bonds through unpredictability.

When affection is inconsistent, your attachment gets stronger… not weaker.

Awareness is the first step to breaking the cycle.



Follow for more awareness and healing

04/08/2026

Behavior chain analysis in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a structured, step-by-step technique used to understand the, "why," behind a specific problem behavior.

It involves tracing the chain of events—including thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and triggers—leading to the behavior. This allows individuals to identify intervention points for change and replace harmful reactions with coping skills.

From : The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook. p. 174

04/08/2026

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=122170859294804722&id=61574141662051

What CPTSD Actually Is

CPTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) comes from prolonged, repeated trauma, especially in relationships, not single events.

It’s not about one accident.
It’s not about one incident.
It’s about being unsafe for a long time, especially when escape isn’t possible.

Typical origins:

• Childhood emotional abuse
• Psychological abuse
• Narcissistic parenting
• Chronic neglect
• Coercive control
• Long-term domestic abuse
• Captive environments (emotionally or physically)
• Identity suppression
• Chronic invalidation
• Being trapped in unsafe relationships

PTSD vs CPTSD (simple)

PTSD:
“Something terrible happened to me.”

CPTSD:
“Something terrible happened to me for a long time, and it changed who I had to become to survive.”

Core Features of CPTSD

1. Nervous system dysregulation

Your body doesn’t feel safe even when nothing is happening:

• Hypervigilance
• Startle reflex
• Chronic anxiety
• Freeze response
• Shutdown
• Fatigue crashes
• Panic without clear cause

2. Emotional flashbacks (not visual memories)

You suddenly feel:

• Small
• Ashamed
• Trapped
• Worthless
• Helpless
• Overwhelmed
• Unsafe

No images. Just emotional states.

3. Identity damage

You don’t fully know who you are because you were shaped around survival:

• People-pleasing
• Fawning
• Perfectionism
• Fixing others
• Over-responsibility
• Self-blame
• Shame-based identity
• “I am the problem” core belief

4. Relationship trauma

You learned that love equals danger:

• Trauma bonding
• Fear of abandonment
• Fear of closeness
• Hyper-independence
• Tolerance of mistreatment
• Attraction to unsafe people
• Confusion between intensity and intimacy

5. Nervous system exhaustion

Long-term survival mode leads to:

• Chronic fatigue
• Pain syndromes
• Autoimmune patterns
• GI issues
• Brain fog
• Sleep disorders
• Somatic symptoms
• Fibromyalgia patterns
• Dysautonomia

The trauma adaptations (not flaws)

These were intelligent survival strategies:

• Fawn = stay safe by pleasing
• Freeze = stay safe by disappearing
• Fight = stay safe by controlling
• Flight = stay safe by escaping
• Fixing = stay safe by stabilizing others
• Perfectionism = stay safe by being flawless
• Hypervigilance = stay safe by scanning
• Dissociation = stay safe by numbing

None of these are character defects.
They are adaptations to danger.

CPTSD healing includes grief for:

• The childhood you didn’t get
• The safety you never had
• The self you couldn’t be
• The life that might have been
• The love that wasn’t safe
• The years lost to survival
• The version of you that never got to rest

This grief often feels like:

• Anger
• Sadness
• Regret
• Emptiness
• Mourning
• Longing
• Bitterness
• Confusion

All normal. All human.

Healing CPTSD is not about:

• “Moving on”
• “Forgiving”
• “Positive thinking”
• “Letting go”
• “Being grateful”
• “Reframing everything”
• “Staying strong”
• “Just calming down”

Healing CPTSD is about:

• Building internal safety
• Nervous system regulation
• Trauma-informed therapy
• Somatic healing
• Boundary repair
• Identity rebuilding
• Grief processing
• Safe relationships
• Learning what calm feels like
• Relearning trust in your body
• Learning rest without guilt
• Separating danger from memory
• Self-compassion skills
• Learning agency
• Learning choice
• Learning “no”
• Learning safe connection

04/04/2026

Trauma Changes Your Brain — So Does Healing https://buff.ly/mbovo5K

We often think of trauma as something huge—war, abuse, crime, disaster.
But trauma can be more common and quieter than that. Trauma can come from any experience that makes you feel unsafe, overwhelmed, or unable to cope. That means everyday situations can shape the brain and nervous system in powerful, lasting ways.

The good news is that your brain can change. Your nervous system can balance and healing is absolutely possible. This post breaks down how trauma rewires the brain—and how you can start to support recovery with simple, science-backed tools.

04/03/2026

Love this!

04/02/2026

Emotional intelligence in a partner isn't just about being calm or kind. It's about a specific set of capacities that make it possible to actually work through hard things together rather than just surviving them.

Someone who can name what they're feeling in real time, take ownership of their reactions, stay curious about your perspective even under pressure, and recognize their own patterns without being confronted about them is a fundamentally different person to be in a relationship with. They make repair possible. They make safety feel real. And they make the hard conversations feel like something you're doing together.

You can't build emotional intimacy with someone who isn't emotionally present.