09/12/2023
It took years for me to realize that the structure and boundaries of therapy — what we call the frame — don’t just protect the patient and the therapeutic relationship, but also provide a blueprint of what healthy boundaries in a relationship could look like.
Of course, I don’t mean the obvious boundaries of no touching, etc, that belong in other kinds of relationships. I mean things like consistency, showing up, returning texts and emails, timeliness, honesty, and respect.
When I allowed my boundaries to be trampled over in previous personal relationships, I asked myself how is it that I could reinforce the boundaries of therapy with my patients, but I can’t even reinforce my boundaries with my partners?
And I realized that doing so as a therapist meant that I had the capacity to do so as a partner or friend. I had it within me. I only had to look towards my practice for guidance on how to do it, and how to speak about it — how to communicate it.
I also had to “clean up” my practice by reinforcing the frame wherever I was being lax with my patients. Yes, it requires you to master the art of being “gentle, yet firm”.
