05/10/2026
When Mother’s Day is not so Simple
Mother’s Day originated in the early 20th century and since has become a cultural institution. Initiated, with good intentions, to celebrate the ideal image of a warm, present, unconditionally loving matriarch, for many it is not that straightforward. Mother’s Day can be deeply triggering.
Complicating this holiday are the complexities of relational trauma. For anyone whose mother was emotionally unavailable, abusive, absent, chronically ill, mentally unstable, addicted, or simply not the mother the cultural holiday idealizes, Mother’s Day can be the most difficult day of the year.
Consider Meraki, the newest member of our herd. We know very little about her, but what we do know is that she born on an Indigenous farm in Northern BC. Narrowly escaping the Japanese meat truck, she mothered a foal at the age of 3. Like many horses, mother and foal were separated and sold separately. As we welcome her into the herd, we continue to monitor her needs. In the horse and human world, it can also be most difficult for children/adults who did not grow up with their original mothers. For children who were given up at birth, adopted, fostered, or whose mothers died young, developmental trauma is experienced on multiple levels. Ruptures in consistent care can surface throughout life presenting in the form or anxiety, insecure or ambivalent attachment, and a host of emotional aliments. When chronic in nature, unexplained illness manifest in the for of autoimmune conditions like diabetes, arthritis, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, Crohn’s and many others.
Relational trauma is the psychological injury that results from repeated experiences of feeling unsafe, unseen, unheard, or unvalued in significant relationships, especially during those formative years. It’s not about a single traumatic event but an accumulation of emotional neglect, inconsistency, or control in the relationships that were supposed to teach you what love looks like. Grief in the context of relational trauma is not just about death. It’s about mourning the relationship, the childhood, or the version of a parent you never had. It’s the ache of realizing that the love you deserved was never available, and that healing means grieving a loss no one else can see.
For many, navigating this holiday is like running a gauntlet of public celebration of a relationship you may have mourned your entire life. You have no safe container, no ritual, and no language for grieving the mother who was unable or unwilling to show up in the ways that you needed her most. The very mention of Mother’s Day can trigger sadness, dysregulation, numbness, or even dissociation. This is your nervous system acknowledging your truth, your biology. It is not ingratitude. It’s neurobiological and it’s honest.
Whether you’re carrying unresolved maternal wounds, fears about your own parenting, or both, trauma-informed therapy offers a space to untangle the layered emotions that surface when a holiday designed to celebrate mothers instead activates grief, rage, or shame.
At Ara Equus, we not only understand trauma but are trained specialists in attachment and trauma therapy. Alongside our herd, who also embody their own wounds of early maternal loss, caregiver loss, or abuse and are painfully honest, we provide a safe space to honour and process your mother wounds. We honour choice, consent, connection and empowerment in healing. If your feelings of love, longing, disappointment, anger, shame and guilt are causing you distress amid a cultural script that expects you to discard the truth and only honor the good, we hear you and we see you. You don’t have to take sides or appease anyone, on one Sunday in May or any other day of the year. Healing the mother wound starts with permission to feel what you authentically feel rather than what you think you’re expected to feel.
