Jennifer Ciardullo, RSW, Psychotherapist

20/10/2024

You feel your chest collapsing in on itself.
You can't breathe.
Your heartbeat is stronger, louder, faster.
Your stomach is a black empty bottomless pit of agony.
The amount of energy flowing through your veins is unbearable.
Your thoughts are loud and rapid, more convincing and catastrophic with each one.
Nothing helps.

The agony is unbearable.
Excruciating.

The life you imagined, shattered.

Feeling so alone in the world.
Unable to see the light.
All in a split second.

Your knuckles are battered and bruised from the battle.
Fingernails clawing at the ledge you've been clinging to.
You're sure you can't hang on for even a second longer.

It's been one second.
And...
You survived that second.
You will make it through the next one too

Healing is more of these seconds
I wish it was easy to put the pieces together again.
It isn't.

And...

It is possible to heal your heart.
I've seen it, I've felt it, and I know can happen for you too.
Beyond a shadow of a doubt, you can start to heal.
Each small moment at a time.

Take the first step...

Believe that you can.
Believe you're worthy of the love you deserve.
Believe that you are enough.
Believe...
Believe...

You don't deserve to suffer alone or have your voice silenced.
You don't deserve to be left alone in your pain

So, Im going to just sit right beside you, wherever you are
Knowing in the deepest parts of my heart that:

You are enough.
You are enough with your shattered pieces
You are enough in the light.
You are enough in the dark.
You are enough just as you are.
Just as you are.

I believe you and it's not your fault.

I believe you.
I'm right beside you.
You are enough.

There is another side of this agony, a side worth fighting for.
You are worthy of it all.

26/05/2024

“Sorry” when someone bumps into us.

“Sorry” when someone is standing too close to us.

“Sorry” for having a voice.

“Sorry” for things outside of our control.

The “sorry” that I hear most often is the “sorry” for someone being authentically themselves.

Yourself that has individual experiences different from others.

Yourself that has your own unique emotional experiences that are different from others.

Yourself that has your own beliefs and values and opinions and voices that go against what others and the world often expect you to be.

You have been told so often that you are wrong, that you are over reacting, that you are fundamentally different, that you are not enough.

The “sorry” that breaks my heart into pieces is the “sorry for being me.”

You are enough. Just as you are.
You are worthy. Just as you are.
You are deserving. Just as you are.

And you belong here. You always have and you always will.

Just as you are. Authentically you.

01/05/2024

The “Cowardly Lion” wanted so much to be brave and to ask the wizard for courage…courage so he could be the lion he was always told he should be.

He was embarrassed of his fear. He hid behind his tail when tearing up. He believed he should be different than he was. He was raised to believe he was the “cowardly lion” and internalized that judgement of himself. He had been told his whole life that he was different..not “lion-y” enough. He had spent his life hiding his fear and vulnerable emotions to fit in to what was expected of a lion.

When The Wizard of Oz told the “cowardly” lion that he already had courage inside of him, the lion was shocked. This conflicted with everything he had been taught about himself.

What he didn’t realize, and couldn’t see, is that he was already brave, in a way that other lions weren’t.

He was a lion who stood up for what he believed in, pursued his dreams even when it seemed impossible, protecting others from danger even in the face of his own fear. He was able to form connections - which couldn’t happen if he was a typical lion; he was able to feel love - which couldn’t happen if he was a typical lion. He was able to ask for what he needed, even when embarrassed to do so.

Men have been taught to hide their fear, hide their tears, be strong and model this to their sons. These expectations are passed down and are now starting to be challenged. Challenged by brave dudes - like this guy.

This guy is changing the world by his example and courage.

He’s always been brave though…he just didn’t know it.

27/04/2024

Emotions are a personal and individualized experience…like snowflakes…they’re not the same from person to person.

Often we internalize other people’s discomfort with emotions as something “wrong” with what we are feeling or how we are feeling it.

When we are told “don’t cry” it over simplifies the complicated process of regulating intense emotions - as though we can flip a switch to stop it and are just choosing not to. This is invalidating and actually increases the likelihood of more intense emotions.

For most people, in order to “stop crying” there is a path that needs to be taken to get there. A path that includes noticing your emotion, validating why it makes sense that it’s present, normalizing it, recovering from others invalidation of our experiences, and allowing the emotion to be there, as it comes in waves, while simultaneously regulating the intensity using a variety of skills.

For some people, they can tell themselves “stop crying” and it works, for them. These individuals don’t understand why we all can’t do the same and tend to be uncomfortable with our emotions that can’t be “fixed” in the moment. Just because they don’t understand our experience of emotions doesn’t mean our experiences are wrong or defective.

Experiencing emotions alone can be tremendously uncomfortable, powerful, scary, and isolating. Having someone to sit with us, in our suffering, without attempting to fix it, is one of the most powerful gestures that can let us know we aren’t alone, we are seen, we are loved.

“Go ahead and cry. I’m here to be with you.”
- Mr. Rogers

16/04/2024

Grief AND love - beautifully said

Grief is a beast.

No.

Grief is a wrecking ball with the mouth of a beast.

It crashes into your chest, leaving a gaping hole

It doesn’t just hit you

It doesn’t just leave that initial hollow

Once it hits, it opens its jaws and gnaws at every corner of your being

Relentless

It consumes you.

Sinking its teeth into every movement, every moment, every memory.

But Love

Love is a beast as well,

No

Love is a wrecking ball with the mouth of a beast

It crashes into your heart leaving bottomless well.

It doesn’t just hit you

It doesn’t just leave that initial hollow

Once it hits, it parts its lips and breathes upon every vein of your being.

Unyielding

It fills you

Saturating joy into every movement, every moment, every memory.

Grief and Love

A double-edged sword.

A two-headed beast.

One doesn’t exist without the other.

Yet for all the trials
Grief & Love have dealt

Time and again
I’ll stand ready upon the altar
To receive the blows
Of both.

Because Love?

Love makes Grief
Worth the sacrifice. ♥️

06/04/2024

Emotional trails can be through dangerous forests. Especially without a trail guide.

You have beat the odds with all you have endured in these woods. Other travellers haven’t survived, visitors have gotten lost, even birds don’t like to come here. Scary noises and being alone make it even more terrifying…and somehow darker than dark.

We think we should know how to navigate these woods. We believe we should know where the roots are that trip us, where the branches are that scrape us, where the rocks are that crush us.

And yet…

If you don’t have a trail guide in the forest you’ve never been to before, how would anyone know what to do next?

Everyone needs someone to guide them at some points on this journey. Everyone needs someone to let them know about potential roots and branches and rocks. To teach how to find shelter from the storms. A guide to nurture you when feeling unwell, to encourage when exhausted, to point out the stars through the small breaks in the treetops.

If you’re lost in this scary forest, please talk to someone. Even if that someone hasn’t been to these woods before, they can sit with you so you aren’t alone and terrified anymore 🌙✨

“It’s that moment between dead and alive; when you’re all poured out, and emptied inside. When you feel you have nothing left to do. but to hide. Life has a way of shouting: ONE MORE TRY. So you pick yourself up, even when you don’t know why. Even when you don’t know how, to bring yourself back to life. You just keep striving; hoping; fighting, as the path grows thick, with its twisting and winding. And where will it lead you? There’s no way of knowing. But you will rise up; you will beat this hell. All you have to do, is keep going.”
-Little girl speak

17/03/2024

“It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more 'manhood' to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind." - Alex Karras, athlete, actor, and author.

Boys are often told not to cry, and men are told to “suck it up” and “take it like a man” when dealing with life’s pressures. Toughness and stoicism are expected; emotional vulnerability is seen as a blemish on their manhood. These expectations may discourage men from seeking help when they encounter mental health adversities and instead drive them to destructive coping strategies (Seager et al., 2014; Ogrodniczuk & Oliffe, 2011).

https://www.su***deinfo.ca/local_resource/men-and-su***de-fact-sheet/

Take this as a strong reminder to authentically check in on the men in your life. Just because they aren’t saying it doesn’t mean they aren’t feeling it.

***de ***deawarness ***depreventionawareness ***deprevention ***depreventionawareness

15/03/2024

This artist is so skilled at depicting the long term consequences of emotional avoidance!

gentle reminder 👁️

11/03/2024

Emotions are like puppies. They have a lot going on and find it hard to communicate effectively…leaving the parent to try to decipher needs to attend to them.

If I’m working and my puppy wants to play, he will come up to me with his toy. IF I ignore him, dismiss him, and reject his need for connection and attempt to communicate…he becomes more persistent and disruptive - jumping up, pawing at me, barking, even biting the couch. When he becomes persistent like this, he is harder to redirect and re-regulate.

IF I pause what I am doing, direct my attention to my pup, throw the toy, he is happy and content that his needs were listened to and he was connected

This analogy also fits using toddlers as an example - like a 3 year old.

Either way - emotions are the same.

They have something to tell us and they show up when they have something to tell us. Usually they come at inconvenient times and are easy to ignore and dismiss. Yet if we avoid our emotions, they get bigger, louder, more intense, and take so much longer to diffuse.

When we take time to sit with our emotions and listen to what they are saying, they tend to let us know what they need. They then become untangled as we identify them and name them, validating why they are showing up, and meeting their needs.

The goal isn’t to get rid of emotions…it’s to notice, pay attention, listen to, and untangle them so they’re easier to manage.

The process of learning how to attend to your emotions takes time. If you are needing support with this, please reach out. It is possible to feel your emotions and not be overwhelmed by them.

Photo Credit: Mansi Jikadara B

24/02/2024

Let’s talk about health double standards for a sec…

When we get a headache, a fever, or a scratchy throat…we DO something - - - tea, essential oils, medicine or rest.

When we break a bone….we DO something - - - hospital, rest, medicine, surgery, casts and appointments.

When we are hungry….we DO something - - - find food, make it, eat it.

And yet when we are sad or embarrassed or struggling with emotions…we DO….not much - - - we pretend they aren’t there, pay zero attention to them, and continue to live daily life without attending to these needs.

This is how to attend to your emotions….

FEELING - - - NOTICING - - - VALIDATING - - - THEN ACTION. BEHAVIOUR. DOING.

22/02/2024

Grief.

Chests are heavy, like a weight is sitting there.

Hearts are crushed, like it’s being squeezed.

Lumps in throats.

Warm face.

Heavy eyes.

Crying. Crying that seems like it comes from the soul and as if it will never stop.

Grief is so difficult to endure that fear creeps in. Becoming so terrifying that avoidance starts. Burying grief so far down inside that it can’t be felt anymore.

And yet, it’s there. It will be there, crushing, until you feel it…like a tidal wave.

It hits hard. It seems like it will never ever end. You’d rather die than feel it.

And then…the grief tidal wave passes. It ebbs and subsides…leaving an exhausted soul.

Fatigue follows. Rest is needed. And then…then…the weight starts to lift. Over time, with each tidal wave, a rock leaves the body. And then another, and another.

Grief.

Like a tidal wave.

And it WILL end if you feel it to heal it.

You can endure the wave. You are strong and resilient and have already survived 100% of your bad days.

I’ll hold the hope, always

17/02/2024

This is for anyone who believes that you are a burden. For anyone who believes that their very existence inconveniences others. For anyone who believes that the world would be better off without you.

This. This is for you.

“You are not a drop in the ocean…you are the whole ocean in one drop”