05/22/2025
WHY PASSION FADES: The Hidden Neurobiology of Friction-Based S*x
By: Aaron Michael
S*x Intimacy & Relationship Coach✦Founder of Aaron Michael Method✦Founder of SUCTION SEX✦Co-Founder of Embodied Love✦Embodied Love Lounge Podcast
May 21, 2025
Have you ever wondered why the passion that once burned so hot in a relationship slowly fades, even when the love is still there?
S*x isn’t just an emotional or mechanical act. It’s a precise orchestration between the nervous system and a symphony of neurochemicals. The journey from arousal to or**sm and into resolution involves a dynamic interplay between the parasympathetic and sympathetic branches of the autonomic nervous system, each contributing to different phases of s*xual experience. However, you’d be surprised that there are two rather distinct experiential paths. Most people have felt that quiet erosion: the slow loss of s*xual desire, the growing sense of disconnection, or the creeping numbness that replaces once-electric intimacy. However, what if this wasn’t just “normal” relationship wear and tear? What if it’s a direct result of the kind of s*x we’ve all been taught to have?
Friction-based s*x — fast, forceful, and climax-focused — is built on the reproductive model of s*x: designed to pe*****te, ej*****te, and impregnate. But when this model becomes the default, especially in long-term relationships, it doesn't serve our nervous systems or our emotional connection. Instead, it trains the body into a cycle of extreme sympathetic arousal followed by a neurochemical drop that feels more like withdrawal than intimacy. After the or**smic high, many people shift into a relaxed but disconnected state, a kind of non-relational parasympathetic return that mimics recovery but often feels like emotional distance or shutdown.
Over time, this loop wires the brain and body for burnout, not bonding. It conditions couples into dysregulation: unstable arousal, irritability, avoidance, and a breakdown of emotional attunement. Instead of building connection, this pattern often leads to the very symptoms many therapists and doctors hear about daily — numbness, pain, low desire, or the slow death of erotic connection in even the most loving relationships.
Understanding this full nervous system arc — what truly happens before, during, and after s*x — is key to understanding why so many relationships lose their spark.
Let’s go over friction based s*x first and in the next paper go over Suction S*x ™.
Let’s walk through that journey.
1. The Beginning: Arousal & Er****on (Parasympathetic Activation)
It all starts in the parasympathetic nervous system, often referred to as the “rest and digest” branch. This relaxed, open state is essential for initiating arousal and achieving er****on or ge***al engorgement.
When the parasympathetic system is dominant, blood vessels dilate. This vasodilation enables blood to flow into the erectile tissues: the p***s, cl****is, l***a, vaginal walls, and surrounding CUV complex. The ge***als become engorged, sensitive, and primed for pleasure.
At the same time, dopamine begins to rise, driven by anticipation, novelty, and desire. It’s the neurotransmitter that makes us want…enhancing motivation, focus, and pursuit. Norepinephrine also begins to increase in the background, sharpening attention and energizing the body.
Touch, eye contact, and anticipation stimulate a rise in oxytocin, laying the groundwork for emotional connection and physical trust. In men, vasopressin also starts to rise—priming territorial bonding, attachment, and arousal reinforcement.
If parasympathetic activation is disrupted too early by stress, fear, performance pressure, or trauma, then the er****on (male or female) may not occur or may be lost. This is one reason why relaxation, breath, and feeling safe are so essential at the start of arousal.
2. The Climb: Plateau & Build-Up (Balanced Activation)
As arousal deepens, the system begins to shift. The body moves toward a delicate balance between parasympathetic calm and sympathetic excitement. This is the “sweet spot” where breath deepens, moaning begins, movement intensifies, and partners start to synchronize.
Norepinephrine rises further, activating the sympathetic nervous system just enough to build tension and focus. It prepares the body for action—without yet tipping it into climax.
Dopamine continues to surge, reinforcing desire and intensifying pleasure. Oxytocin and vasopressin strengthen the emotional bond, promoting feelings of closeness, trust, and fusion with the partner.
Serotonin, often more associated with mood and inhibition, modulates the process in the background—regulating timing, control, and perception of touch. Certain serotonin receptors facilitate or**sm, while others delay it. It’s a delicate, brain-region-dependent dance.
This phase is where suction-based stimulation can excel. By maintaining rhythmic pressure, breath connection, and deep pelvic activation, the nervous system stays in that balanced zone longer—amplifying pleasure without forcing climax.
3. The Peak: Or**sm (Sympathetic Surge)
Or**sm is a sympathetic nervous system crescendo. The body transitions fully into “fight or flight” mode—not to escape danger, but to discharge s*xual tension built during the plateau.
Norepinephrine spikes, creating intense muscle contractions, heart rate elevation, and the unmistakable involuntary wave of climax. Dopamine hits its peak, delivering the reward. Oxytocin and vasopressin surge even further—solidifying the emotional imprint and pair bonding. This is the moment where bodies, minds, and emotions can fuse into something transcendent—or remain disconnected, depending on the experience.
This peak is short-lived. And what happens next is what truly shapes how s*x is remembered by the body.
4. The Fall: Post-Or**sm (Parasympathetic Collapse and Prolactin Spike)
Immediately after or**sm—particularly after ej*******on in men—the body drops back into a parasympathetic state, but not the same kind as during arousal. This is a recovery mode. It’s often accompanied by fatigue, emotional distance, or a need for solitude.
Here’s why:
Prolactin surges. It is the single most responsible hormone for the refractory period, and it directly suppresses dopamine. That means desire, motivation, and the drive to re-engage s*xually drop significantly.
Simultaneously, oxytocin and vasopressin fall back toward baseline, especially if the or**sm wasn’t emotionally fulfilling. This sudden chemical shift can leave some feeling disconnected, unfulfilled, or even regretful—despite the physical release.
Serotonin may rise post-or**sm, contributing to drowsiness or sedation, especially in men. This makes s*x feel like a complete cycle, but it also explains why many people stop after or**sm—not because they’re done, but because their biochemistry told them they were.
Why This Matters for S*xual Healing and Optimization
Understanding the neurochemical rhythm of arousal, or**sm, and recovery gives us the power to reimagine what s*x can be—not just as an act, but as a practice of nervous system regulation, emotional bonding, and long-term vitality.
The model you just read isn’t theory—it reflects the physiological reality of what happens inside the body during s*x. And yet, its impact on desire, pleasure, communication, and relational satisfaction is rarely considered in medicine, therapy, or mainstream education. The following paper outlines this method in detail and opens the door to a new standard for intimacy, health, and connection.
That’s the key behind the success of Suction S*x. It’s not just a technique—it’s an entirely new model of s*x that naturally rewires arousal patterns, sustains desire, and promotes deep engorgement, heightened pleasure, and nervous system regulation through attuned, parasympathetic intimacy.
At Embodied Love University (ELU), we’re building the bridge between science, sensation, and systemic change. This is about more than better s*x—it’s about relational wellbeing, trauma repair, nervous system optimization, and lifelong erotic vitality.
We invite therapists, doctors, coaches, s*x educators, researchers, and wellness professionals to collaborate, critique, explore, and co-create. Whether your passion is closing the or**sm gap, resolving s*xual dysfunction, improving communication, or studying long-term relational satisfaction—we want to work with you.
Whether for your own life or your clients’, ELU offers a new paradigm that complements and enhances the tools of modern healthcare.
We welcome your insight—and your partnership. Let’s change the way the world makes love.
