08/30/2025
And this statistic likely doesn’t even account for the disparity in rates of reported birth trauma experiences and post-traumatic stress diagnoses between women from non-ethnic majority backgrounds and those from majority backgrounds. (One study found that “709 African American pregnant women had more trauma exposure, posttraumatic stress disorder symptoms and diagnosis, comorbidity and pregnancy substance use, and had less mental health treatment than 868 non-African Americans” (“Disparity in posttraumatic stress disorder diagnosis among African American pregnant women”, Julia S. Seng, Laura P. Kohn-Wood, [...], and Mickey Sperlich, 2011).
As a society, we tend to expect that the birth of a new baby is universally experienced as a profoundly joyous, intimate, and empowering experience. In my own personal and professional experience, people become very uncomfortable when mothers make mention of their birth experience as traumatic, or even just disappointing in some ways.
New parents may be expected (and explicitly told!) to “just be grateful” for something that did go well (e.g. “Just be grateful you have a healthy baby”), regardless of their feelings.
If a loss was suffered, mothers and their partners may find that the people in their lives pull away as they struggle to tolerate their own feelings of discomfort in the face of overwhelming grief.
When women and their partners feel safe enough to share their experiences of traumatic birth, their healing can begin. We must nurture safety in conversations around birth, and welcome each parent’s story of their babies’ deliveries, regardless of the broader social belief system about childbirth.
If you are 1 in 3, and it feels right for you, I encourage you to find your safe place where you may share about your birth experience, at your own pace, with a trusted and caring other.
