05/15/2026
Growing around grief đ¤âşď¸âŞď¸
We often hear, when we are grieving, that it will get easier over time, that we will forget more, and the grief will grow less and less. Sometimes, that may feel like a betrayal of the one we lost, or what we are grieving for, and we may resist. This can lead to an inability to âlet goâ and get back to living.
A better way to understand grief changing over time is to think of an oyster with a tiny grit of sand. The oyster finds it very difficult but cannot just diminish the sand or eject it outright. So the oyster begins to coat it with a smooth coating to minimise the pain. Eventually that tiny grain of sand will be the size of a small sphere, coated with glorious smooth pearlescence. The oyster has âgrown around its sufferingâ.
It can be a relief to think in this way, because our grief of losing what we have lost does not diminish, we and our life just grow around it, almost like an embrace.
Blessings đ