09/22/2020
As little girls many of us were taught to distrust our observations and intuition. Growing up in our families, telling the truth may have led to punishment, humiliation, withdrawal, or physical violence. Telling the truth may trigger a visceral fear of stepping up and using our voice as a force for change. Our painful histories may have conditioned us to avoid conflict and try to create “peace” at all costs, as a way to keep that fear at bay.
It is through addressing those childhood fears that we can dissolve the paralysis we may feel in the face of so many current challenges.
I believe that the women who become skilled at initiating difficult conversations will be the most effective and transformative leaders of our time.
Becoming skilled at disruptive truth-telling requires that we practice detachment in two main areas:
1. Detach from a need for “peace” at all costs
The more conflict-avoidant we are, the less real we are and the less authentic we allow others to be. There’s a direct connection between our ability to navigate conflict and our ability to be true. One of the reasons for this is that many of us experienced turbulent, conflict-ridden homes as children and as a way to stay safe, made a vow to never create or contribute to conflict. That vow may have kept us safe as children but left unexamined, it becomes a barrier to our full power as women. Being willing to tolerate the ambiguity inherent in moving things to a higher order requires that we have a deeper source of stability within ourselves that we can find comfort in when the outside world is in flux.
2. Detach from the need to be liked, understood and approved of
It’s natural to enjoy being liked and understood. But to “need” it in order to feel OK is a form of giving our power away. As little girls we needed to feel approved of by our mothers and fathers to survive emotionally intact. Everything was based on that bond. If that bond was compromised when we were children, as adults we may conflate being liked with being safe, placing our source of emotional safety outside ourselves as we did when we were children. Healing involves cultivating the primary source of our approval within ourselves. Connection with this inner source allows us to take more risks in being real, telling the truth and feeling the unsurpassed joy of feeling our actions in alignment with our truth. There is a delicious kind of freedom in having the capacity to validate your own reality when others around you cannot.
Read the full article to dive deeper into these two areas, to read some real-life examples from my clients what this process can look like, and to learn some potent questions to ask yourself: https://www.bethanywebster.com/the-power-of-disruptive-truth-telling-the-importance-of-initiating-difficult-conversations/
