Kauma Counselling

08/02/2025

Street sign doubles as life advice

01/31/2025

“My train leaves in twenty minutes. I’m going on a silent meditation retreat for five days. For five days, you sit with your mind, and that’s all you’re doing. Think about it: how many times do you distract yourself during the day? There are the obvious things, like looking at your phone or watching TV. But then there’s just everyday life: walking around, taking in the world, talking to people. What if you stopped doing all that for five days? And you were alone with your mind? What happens?

Our minds are wild. They just… function, like any other organ. They think, they create, they make stuff up. They don’t like uncertainty or loose ends, so they try to fill in the blanks: what happens next, what should I have done differently, am I OK? Then there are things from our past—tragedy, heartbreak, trauma. Things that didn’t feel good, so maybe we didn’t let ourselves feel them fully. We pushed them out of the way, buried them deeper, pretended they didn’t exist. But those feelings don’t disappear just because we want them to. They stay in our bodies. And when you sit still for several days, with no distractions, those feelings can resurface.

So why put yourself through it? Because when you sit with your mind long enough, there’s a certain liberation. You start to see it for what it is: ‘Oh, that’s just my mind.’ And there’s freedom in that. It creates space. You don’t have to get caught up in every thought. You can step back and say: ‘It’s real, but it’s not true.’ Those words were transformative for me.

The purpose of the practice isn’t a goal; it’s an orientation—to end suffering, not just for myself, but for all beings. That’s what guides me. It’s what led me to become a therapist. No one walks into a Buddhist center on a high note. You come in wrecked, like you were in a shipwreck and just crawled up onto the shore. But then, you find something. And you don’t want to keep it to yourself. You want to live by it.”

10/09/2024

Poster wisdom from my walk this morning

08/02/2024

Loving this book about managing desire discrepancy—a very common issue couples face that can cause immense pain and frustration. You don’t have to live with it!

This book has great info about arousal, getting creative about s*xual pleasure, open communication, and troubleshooting specific s*xual concerns.
*xtherapy *xtherapist

07/30/2024

Wise words by

07/28/2024

Lovely scene on my walk this evening

07/22/2024

Humility. Acceptance. Gratitude.
These qualities are foundational in a nourishing, resilient relationship.

My husband squeezes the toothpaste out of the tube like a child. It's a strange thing.
It must be a habit he never outgrew.
But I leave my coffee mugs and water glasses all over the house like a teenager.
Sometimes he spits his toothpaste on the bathroom mirror.
I also leave cupboards open.
He's really bad at folding laundry.
I leave my books and notebooks strewn about.
But after thirteen years of marriage, we understand that these things are not worth nagging the other person about. We don't need to mention them or cause a fuss. So, I clean up his toothpaste and he picks up all of my glasses and puts them in the dishwasher.
And we thank each other for the things we DO appreciate.
Like my husband locking the doors and turning off all the lights every night before bed.
Or taking out the garbage.
And he thanks me (in front of the kids, thank you) for cooking dinner or signing them up for their activities.
To be a good teammate doesn't mean perfection. It means accepting one another's flaws for what they are—humans being human.
Humans doing their best to love one another.
Humans making mistakes--daily.
Humans messing up and then cleaning up.
What I've learned in marriage is that an imperfect marriage can also be a pretty extraordinary one.
Not despite its flaws--but because of them.
Credit Goes To The Respective Owner

Also Read Beautiful Story👇
https://weirdium.com/an-elderly-crossing-guard-working-at-a-school-in-kansas-city-sacrifices-his-life-to-secure-kids-safety/

07/08/2024

Love this reminder that shifting our perception can change how we experience life. What does it mean to you?

07/02/2024

Would you like to nurture your relationship? Author David Richo argues that in the best relationships, partners excel in the five As:

Attention: this means giving our partner the gift of our presence.

Acceptance: nobody is perfect, but we all want to be accepted for who we are even as we strive to better ourselves.

Appreciation: it feels good when our efforts are noticed and appreciated.

Affection: s*x and/or other forms of physical touch are important.

Allowing: while relationships come with some amount of responsibility and boundaries, people crave freedom to explore without too much control.

How are you doing in these areas? Are there some that you’re already doing well and others that can use some work?

Psychoeducation like this is no substitute for personalized counselling from a licensed professional. Couples counselling can help partners learn to understand each other better, and communicate more effectively.

For more, see the book How to be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving by David Richo

06/14/2024

Currently reading and resonating with this accessible book by . Our stress response is so quick (thanks, evolution!) that our body can feel fear before we’ve even consciously become aware of what’s triggered us. For this reason, somatic (physiological) awareness and work can play an important role in learning to soothe stress, anxiety, and fear.

The author advises 3 Rs: recognize, release, and replace. When the body feels activated, RECOGNIZE what is happening. Use breath, muscle relaxation, and intention to RELEASE the tension. And try to REPLACE the fear-based feelings with more heartfelt emotions, like compassion, understanding, or gratitude.

05/29/2024

The mind LOVES to worry. Sometimes the worry serves a purpose, such as when it causes us to approach a situation with caution. Much of the time, however, the worry doesn’t help us and only creates discomfort and even misery.

It can be helpful to consider whether the problems that are worrying us are within our circle of control. We can ask: is there something I can do about this? If so, perhaps action is warranted. If there is nothing we can do, we can gently work to let go of the worry.

Connecting with a therapist can help identify the worry, soothe the distress, and learn to incorporate strategies to let go of worry (which is easier said than done!)

05/25/2024

With time and practice, learning to accept our uncomfy emotions is associated with better well-being. But what does it mean to accept our emotions?

It does NOT mean to give in to big emotions and express them reactively. Rather, it means to notice them with cultivated calmness and self-compassion and allow them to simply be there.

When these uncomfy emotions arise, it's normal to want to resist them, to freak out a little internally. But paradoxically, over time, accepting emotions diminishes their power, making them impact us for less time and feel less destabilizing.

Reference:
Ford, B. Q., Lam, P., John, O. P., & Mauss, I. B. (2018). The psychological health benefits of accepting negative emotions and thoughts: Laboratory, diary, and longitudinal evidence. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 115(6), 1075-1092. https://doi.org/10.1037/ pspp0000157