Connect-IN Counselling

03/23/2020

Latest Update: Supporting Clients Through the COVID-19 Situation. Switching to Online/Phone Sessions only, at a reduced rate. More info provided below:

In response to the critical state of our public health, as a result of the COVID-19 virus, I am heeding the advice of BC's medical professionals by shutting down my offices (more details found here: https://theprovince.com/news/covid-19-doctors-urge-b-c-government-to-take-more-drastic-measures/wcm/2...

03/12/2020

|Facing Uncertainty With Compassion|

Wherever you stand on the Corona-virus topic, this article offers us a way to bolster the stress, confusion and sometimes heated debates with compassion:

"The world is at a precipice now, in many respects. Even if compassion can’t independently solve the coronavirus issue, imagine the positive collateral effects increased compassion would have on our deeply divided and troubled society"

Here’s a novel solution to the novel coronavirus

02/28/2020

Who among us hasn't had one of those days/weeks/months when people ask us how we are doing, and we quirtly respond with a "Good", when inside we are thinking to ourselves, "...if you only knew". Fortunately for most, these deep-seated feelings of loneliness, frustration, and despair are temporary. Perhaps we have an already established support network that we feel comfortable enough to confide these things with.

But there are those out there who aren't as fortunate. Where the common euphemism of "time heals all" doesnt apply to them, and their experiences. They may have been conditioned earlier on that reaching out and opening up about their feelings wasnt safe. Where what they disclosed was used against them, or put a label on them as "weird", "broken", or "overly emotional".

It is for these individuals that silence around their pain seems preferable to the possibility of being shamed. And to all those who resonate with this, I ask that you share your bravery--the battle you have continued to fight--once again. You are not alone with this. And while nobody may know EXACTLY what you are feeling, they are here with the desire to understand and be alongside you as you go through it.

It may be a partner, a friend, a family member, a therapist, a social worker/coach/facilitator. They are there. WE are there...And we give a damn.

02/27/2020

|How Therapy Can Help You|

Why go to therapy? I recently had someone mention that they sought a counsellor to address their "emotional stuff", but didn't know who to talk to about their life situation--and where to go next.

This surprised me, as to me, therapy is meant to address both of these aspects. Recognizing the 'mystique' that therapy still holds for some, it's always good to get back to the basics of what psychotherapy can provide. This article does so admirably.

If you're still deciding whether to go to therapy, you may be wondering: "How does therapy really work?" Read on to discover what therapy can offer you.

02/27/2020

There comes a time for people with Type-C Personality traits (Conscientious/Competent/Controlling) where they realize that some of the habitual sacrificial or non-affirming behaviors they enact with others isnt work...and in fact, is detrimental to their health and mental wellbeing.

This can result in questioning these behaviors and beliefs, and trying on a new way of responding to the world.

What can oftentimes happen though is that they end up flipping to the other side of the relational spectrum. What's important to consider here is that THIS IS UNDERSTANDABLE!

Enacting these new behaviors will feel weird, and the discomfort that comes with asserting oneself more honestly and authentically in relationships can be scary. This can lead to enforcing rigid boundaries as a means of buffering the anxiety of decision making and discernment: ie. What's appropriate...and what's not?

Be kind to yourself during this process. And be mindful of the swings!

02/26/2020

|Taking Friendships to Heart...and Mind|

Friendships, and the bonds of connection we make with others, has a profound impact on our emotional and physical lives. This article offers some research-backed evidence to suggest why.

In her new book, Lydia Denworth makes the case for the vital necessity of friendship, tracing its effects on your genes, on your brain and even on animals like sheep and fish.

02/20/2020

|Harnessing the Power of Worry|

While we tend to frown upon worrying, evolutionary psychology suggests that there may actually be some very valid reasons for it. In prehistoric times it helped us survive in the wild.

Even today, in our moderately 'plush' lifestyles, worry actually can contain some beneficial properties: getting our bodies primed for potentially fearful activities (such as preparing for a public speaking event), as well as the endorphin rush that comes when we overcome these challenges (the speech went well!)

This article attends to this phenomenal, offering a stance of transforming worry, rather than trying to get rid of it as pathway to more ease in life.

Our brains are wired to worry. Explore why we worry and what research says about how to mindfully calm your worried mind.

02/20/2020

As trauma-informed counselling is becoming more of the standard practice (thank god!) , it is important that we, the public, gain an understanding around some of the terms that are getting used--inside and outside the therapy room.

Before doing my trauma training, my only association with the term 'dissociation' had to do with people with 'personality disorders'...which had a highly stigmatized charge to it. Oftentimes these people would be referenced in thriller films, either as free serial killers or locked up in the 'loony bin'. This is a very sad, and inaccurate!!, representation of dissociation, that also offers a very narrow lens on symptoms that ignores 95% of the population affected by this.

Everybody dissociates. When you 'get lost' looking through your phone while waiting for transit, or are mindlessly driving--where you lose track of time--you are disassociating. What makes the difference, towards receiving a clinical diagnosis, is the degree and amount of time that you are disconnected from your felt-sense/temporal experience.

Therefore not all dissociation, like trauma, is the same. Rather, it should be considered on a spectrum. An important distinction to consider.

02/19/2020

This is such an important message that needs more recognition.

The post is a repost from 'Build a Brotherhood', which is a group who offer help and resources for men struggling with depression and suicidality. This article is from a man who attempted su***de, and had some information to share over what was going on for him at this time.

Rather than being blind to how his actions may affect others, he was fully aware...but at a certain point the pain he was experiencing, and the need for relief from it, overwhelmed him and he acted from that survival instinct--to avoid pain, by ending it.

I bring this up, as I feel this can translate to how we, as those in supportive roles, can lose sight of this fact and take peoples actions personally--making it about us, rather than considering what they might be going through. It's when we lose touch with this understanding that we then judge and outcast the other as partaking in 'attention-seeking' behaviors, when in fact it's more about acting as a reaction to pain.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B8sUJsWl_Tz/?igshid=1reki4djruwm3

02/15/2020

Being of assistance to others and helping people in times of need can be an immensely rewarding thing. How we experience these activities, however, can greatly differ--based on our mindset and motivations for offering help.

If coming from a place of indebtedness, it will feel arduous and ultimately unsatisfying...as it will feel as if nothing you do is ever enough. This can also be tinged with feelings of increased ambivalence and resentment, as it won't feel like its coming from your will. Duty compels you.

On the flip side, notice how you feel when seeing the act of helping as an elective gift. You dont have to do it, but you want to...simply because it feels good!

This will not only increase satisfaction, but can aid in freeing up blocks to decision-making around the appropriate measures of help--because it no longer feels like your life/pride/moral code is on the line.

02/13/2020

Type-C (Conscientious/Competent/Controlling) personalities can be some of the most loving, caring, and supportive partners in relationships...but they can also make you go a bit nuts at times when it comes to knowing where they stand on things; and what they want.

Due to their accommodating nature, and concerns of being a burden--or taking up too much space in the relationship--oftentimes they will resist making decisions on matters...but do so in a very pleasant way.

Underneath this congeniality however can be low levels of anxiety, as their fears of making the wrong decision and disappointing people can be strong. They may also have grown up in an environment where they didn't have much control, or say in matters. And if they did ever speak up, they would get the message that they were being 'too much', or selfish.

Therefore they learn to adapt their behaviors to focusing their attention outside themselves--caring for other people, while dismissing their own needs. This is why it can be very difficult for this population to reach out for help.
They may have gotten so good at pushing aside their own feelings that they are not even aware of their upsets and grievances...until it shows up later as depression, panic attacks, or chronic pain.

02/12/2020

|Guided Self-Compassion Practice|

"Self-compassion honors the unavoidable fact that life entails suffering, for everyone, without exception. While this may seem obvious, it’s so easy to forget."

This article offers a guided practice to help reconnect us to our source of resiliency so that we can find renewed strength to carry on.

Explore this informal mindfulness practice to foster a sense of connection and belonging.