Wellness By Norah

08/13/2025

Pilates in 2019: ‘My physio sent me here to help with my rotator cuff sprain.’

Pilates in 2025: ‘I’m doing Pilates with wrist and ankle weights and bands all at once, following the advice of an unqualified influencer, because I want to look like them.’

How did we get here?

07/03/2025

I Want A Girl Who Reads

“So, what do you go for in a girl?”
He crows, lifting a lager to his lips
Gestures where his mate sits, then downs his glass
“He prefers t**s.
I prefer ass.
What do you go for in a girl?”

Well, um, I feel quite uncomfortable
The air left the room a long time ago
All eyes are on me
Well, if you must know

I’d like a girl who reads
Yeah. Reads.
I’m not trying to call you a chauvinist
Cos I know you’re not alone in this
But…

I want a girl who reads
Who needs the written word
And uses the added vocabulary
She gleans from novels and poetry
To hold lively conversation
In a range of social situations

I want a girl who reads
Whose heart bleeds at the words of Graham Greene
Or even Heat magazine
Who’ll tie back her hair while reading Jane Eyre
And goes cover to cover with each Waterstones three for two offer
But I want a girl who doesn’t stop there

I want a girl who reads
Who feeds her addiction for fiction
With unusual poems and plays
That she hunts out in crooked bookshops for days and days and days
She’ll sit addicted at breakfast, soaking up the back of the cornflakes box
And the information she gets from what she reads makes her a total fox
Cause she’s interesting and unique
And her theories make me go weak at the knees

I want a girl who reads

A girl whose eyes will analyse
The menu over dinner
Who’ll use what she learns to kick my ass in arguments
So she always ends the winner
But she’ll still be sweet and she’ll still be flirty
Cause she loves the classics and the classics are dirty
So late at night she’d always have me in a stupor
As she paraphrases the raunchier moments from the works of Jilly Cooper

See, some guys prefer asses
Some prefer t**s
And I’m not saying that I don’t like those bits
But what’s more important
What supersedes
For me
Is a girl a with passion, wit and dreams
So I'd like a girl who reads.

- Mark Grist

📸 KZ Photography

06/05/2025

Today, for the first time in nearly six years of teaching Pilates, I accidentally said to a client, 'Just grab your blue balls.'

05/31/2025

Yesterday, I went to a group Pilates class where the instructor had to help me.

That’s okay.

Yesterday, I went to a group Pilates class where the instructor had to provide modifications for me.

That’s okay.

Yesterday, I went to a group Pilates class where I felt stupid and unable to do the exercises.

That’s okay.

Yesterday, I went to a group Pilates class where everyone was prettier than me.

That’s okay.

The point is - yesterday, I went to a group Pilates class.

Yesterday, I went to a group Pilates class.

I went to a group Pilates class.

That’s okay.

Have you felt like you didn’t fit in in a Pilates class?

05/29/2025

You only get one life.

Eat the f-ing donut.

05/29/2025

Other creators with their Shark products versus me with my (lifesaving) Shark Steam Mop!

05/24/2025

You know those TikToks of people falling off the Short Box they’ve put on the Reformer?

It’s because they haven’t put their feet in the safety strap!

You can also do the same Short Box exercises with the box on the floor.

📸 KZ Photography

05/23/2025

While everyone else is on TikTok asking their followers for help and earning money to pay off their debts, I am dealing with someone who stole my content, posted it to Snapchat, misappropriated my personality, and scammed people out of hundreds of dollars.

I can never ask my community for help if I needed it now.

Nobody would trust me, even though I have never asked a follower for a cent.

I have never asked a follower for money, and now I never can.

05/20/2025

If you receive a DM from anyone claiming they are me and asking you for money, please report the account and the message - it wasn’t me.

I wasn’t raised like that.

I would never DM a follower and ask them for money.

I know how expensive Pilates is and I know what a hard time this is, financially, for so many of us.

Please report and block anyone who claims to be me and asks you for money.

It wasn’t me.

04/22/2025

I went viral - in the most positive and supported way - for calling out the Pilates princesses who have no training as instructors, no certification, no insurance, no knowledge of how to cue proper breathing or muscle engagement, and no understanding of how to provide modifications.

The response was overwhelmingly kind, with so many people who were so thankful that I had said something, especially since these girls’ ‘workouts’ have actual consequences and have been causing people pain and injuries.

I braced myself for fat shame, lookism, ableism, ridicule, and disbelief, but I was met with an outpouring of love.

This is honestly the best birthday gift I could receive today.

📸 KZ Photography

04/20/2025

I always flub the cues for Saw - I always scramble my words!

04/14/2025

New stretch to help endometriosis pain and cramps.

These gentle stretches are designed to ease the pain and cramping associated with endometriosis.Working out when you're in a flare up is more about deep brea...